the old question...nature vs. nurture - Page 2

GenXmuse · ‎05-15-2016

That’s an age old question but I think environment can ameriolate many deficits we may be born with. Oh, is this another “pull yourself up with your bootstraps threads or one about the deserving vs undeserving poor. I never can tell. 🤔

Foxxee · ‎10-03-2014

Both.

I believe our parents and home environment lay the foundation...are most influential in how we live our lives. We learn their behaviors. I like to say, we mimic them.

Anyone ever say, "You are just like your Mother...Father? Usually, it's said by others to point out a negative behavior. Other sayings "Chip off the old block." Like Father, like son." There's truth in those words.

Not sure if anyone knows why kids turn out differently from the same family. Could it be they picked up different traits, behaviors from each parent? Or did they inherit different ones? I think some are inherited.

No one is perfect, not even our parents, so we carry some of their negative traits with us into adulthood.

The environment we choose to live in as adults, IMO, is based on what we inherited and learned in childhood. That environment additionally influences us.

Most people never realize this, so they live their lives without seeing how learned behaviors are helping or hindering. Yes, people can change some of the behaviors, but only when they become aware of them.

So, I think it's a combination of inherited traits and being products of our parents and home environments.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

I also believe it's both.

A pretty big part of who I am is because of the many abuses I suffered throughout my childhood. There is pretty much no way one can go through those kinds of horrors without being profoundly affected AND coming up to be somebody different than they would otherwise have been.

As far as the 'get over it' part - well, one does get over it, but they are making choices based on who they become after their development was mutated by the damage done.

OTOH, I know that when I saw the prejudices from my parents I KNEW from the get go that I was not like that and I had no problem holding onto that. It upset me severely, even as a small child, when I would hear the things they would say toward others. They both came from a place and time where not only was that accepted, it was expected. Somehow or other I always knew that was wrong. Of course I could not show how upset I was because that just brought punishment my way. I learned very young not to trust humans very easily and when I would, and then get burned, I would chastise myself for 'knowing better'.

When one is in her/his formative years it's just a reality that at least some of the things you see and experience, and things done to you, become a pretty big part of who you are. It's survival.

I asked my father once a number of years ago if I was just a horrible little kid. He told me that I was actually very sweet, open, and always trying to help others. Well, that went away pretty early on when I had to close up to protect myself. That change was profound. I closed right up and have stayed fairly closed up throughout my life. I always wondered how that little girl would have turned out without the horrors of childhood.

Oops, sorry so long.

Preds · ‎12-17-2012

I believe it starts with both, but it grows from within. You have to grow a desire to continue, spread your wings, or fall flat on your face. It may take years for you to figure out your path, but only you can do that.

I've seen many fall and I've seen many excel. All by the choices they made. All by the strength they had or didn't have. The didn't haves made excuses instead of changes.

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm." She whispers back, "I am the storm."

cotton4me · ‎03-09-2010

Both. Some things can be overcome, others not so much.

SilleeMee · ‎05-22-2016

In this country if you come from a poor family you will probably die poor. It's extremely difficult to change being poor no matter how hard someone tries.

goldensrbest · ‎03-10-2010

@SilleeMee wrote:
In this country if you come from a poor family you will probably die poor. It's extremely difficult to change being poor no matter how hard someone tries.

I am thinking this over,not sure i can agree.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.

PA Mom-mom · ‎05-27-2015

@esmerelda Nature composes the symphony. Nurture decides how it's going to be played.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Up until recently (well, maybe 15 yrs or so ago), I had no idea that my grandmother and I were/are very similar.

She passed on when I was very young, so it's not as though I knew her life when she was a young woman.

Anyway, until I was told how she did 'this and that', I didn't know that we did (and I still do) similar things that nobody else in the family did/does.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Snowpuppy · ‎03-09-2010

I grew up poor. I left home. Took a lot of twists and turns but I went to college, graduated and work as a professional.

The thing that will keep you poor is your mindset. I didnt get to Harvard, I went to a state university. You have to find the ahem, chutzpah to leave your circumstances behind.

I was considered the black sheep. I didnt smoke anything, didnt drink, loved the library. It was my sanctuary. Encyclopedias took me to a world outside the 'hood.

I lived among hysterical drama queens at home who chased down every worthless man as if he were a lifeboat.

I met some truly fantastic people along the way. As that college commercial says, you can change the whole trajectory of your life. If your first attempt fails, get up.

While I made a poor choice for a short marriage, I raised DS on my own. In fact, I put him thru college, too. He works as a professional with a healthy lifestyle as well.