Community Chat

[CatsyCline]

wow, i have a cousin went through something similar. her husband was a jerk and they tried counseling.  she wildly ran off though with some guy (they were both using substances)  anyway instead of working it out with attorneys, he bought out her share of the house and she left everything, her child,  lived in a room, then moved into an apt. with the guy helped her run through her money, then that ended with him.

she got some therapy on her own and volunteer work helped her get a paying job. just take one step at a time, focus on one thing at a time. i'm sorry about your kids, that must be rough!  if you aske me i think a job is priority #1 for you

[garmer]

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@Snowpuppy wrote:

My point was on 2-2-2015 she asked about how to pawn her rings because she had no money. She got more than 50 responses for assistance. She took no one's advice tho several had said they had to make that same tough decision at one point in their own lives.

They have a house worth at least $700k and she's renting a room?

She said she "doesn't qualify" for SSI (or perhaps SSD if she filed on her spouse).

It all doesn't add up.

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Why not?

[garmer]

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@HappyDaze wrote:

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@MyGirlsMom wrote:

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@betteb wrote:

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@Snowpuppy wrote:

On 2-2-2015 she posted this:

Re: what would you do?

‎02-05-2015 09:44 PM

Thank you for your tips. I live in the Bay Area ( Silicon Valley) its a 3 stone white gold platinim diamond ring and it cost 6,000.00 I know I won't get that price but was hoping for 1/2 at least. As for the house my ex wanted to give me 25,000.00 now and wait 5 years to pay me the rest based on an old appraisel. I know the house is worth 700,000.00 at least. It was court ordered for independent appraisal and then it will be decided in regards to sale. 48 more days of waiting and stressing this messy divorce.

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Thanks Snowpuppy. SMH

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..me too. 

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Why do people do this?

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Do what?

[garmer]

Thank you for your tips. I live in the Bay Area ( Silicon Valley) its a 3 stone white gold platinim diamond ring and it cost 6,000.00 I know I won't get that price but was hoping for 1/2 at least. As for the house my ex wanted to give me 25,000.00 now and wait 5 years to pay me the rest based on an old appraisel. I know the house is worth 700,000.00 at least. It was court ordered for independent appraisal and then it will be decided in regards to sale. 48 more days of waiting and stressing this messy divorce.

[feline groovy]

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@ashleigh dupray wrote:

wow, i have a cousin went through something similar. her husband was a jerk and they tried counseling.  she wildly ran off though with some guy (they were both using substances)  anyway instead of working it out with attorneys, he bought out her share of the house and she left everything, her child,  lived in a room, then moved into an apt. with the guy helped her run through her money, then that ended with him.

she got some therapy on her own and volunteer work helped her get a paying job. just take one step at a time, focus on one thing at a time. i'm sorry about your kids, that must be rough!  if you aske me i think a job is priority #1 for you

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We usually don't know the entire situation about anything.  

She could be receiving some kind of disability insurance, and is not yet able to work.

[Kachina624]

Inquiry at your local state employment services office about training programs for displaced homemakers. There are many women in the same boat.

[cotton4me]

Hsawaknow – I’m sorry you have to go through this.  I was looking online for resources and found a website that might be helpful.  It also has a chat board under community where you might be able to reach out and get help.  I notice they also have a jobs section.   I think it’s helpful to communicate with people in similar situations because they know what you’re going through. 

http://divorcedmoms.com/

I also found some information on support groups in Sacramento (just an example because I don’t know where you live).  I googled “California support groups for divorced women”.  Your counselor may know of something too.  I think it would be good for you to get with other women who are going through similar challenges.  

https://groups.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?city=Sacramento&spec=26

I like Kachina’s idea about checking with the unemployment office to see what they offer in the way of training, or they may be able to refer you to other agencies or resources.   Here’s a link to information for California:

http://www.edd.ca.gov/jobs_and_training/Workforce_Investment_Act.htm

I’m sure it seems overwhelming when you’ve always had someone to take care of these things.  Whenever I’m in a place of overwhelm I try to remember this quote - "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Lao Tzu

Just take one step at a time.  You will make it.  You will be ok. 

[fancy pantsy]

i am so very sorry for your pain.  as someone who has reached a 'rock bottom' place myself, i am familiar with your feelings, and i do offer you my warmest wishes.  in addition to talk therapy, please find some kind of support group.  make climbing out of that hole your full time job.  it will help you to have that focus.  i wish you the best, and hope to hear back in the future that you are making progress. 

[haddon9]

I'm so sorry that you are going through such a rough patch in your life right now.  No I haven't expereinced this but I do have a good friend who went through something similar.

She decided to leave her husband and somewhat regretted it later.  She also was a stay at home mom without much in the way of job skills and I think she assumed it would be easy to find someone new to fill the role of husband/provider. It didin't quite work out that way but once she got herself settled into an apartment she joined dating sites.  

After a LOT of dates (she did meet in public places trying to be extra careful) she does have someone in her life and they have been together now for 3 1/2 years.  He's a really nice guy but not that fantasy image she had in her mind.  For one thing he makes far less than her ex and he can't offically move in with her or marry yet because of the terms of her alimony. 

Unlike you though she waited for her kids to be older and so her youngest was in college when she made the break.  Even so her girls were devastated and didnt talk to her at first.  It's now been 7 years and she has a great relationship with them.

I agree with others to join a support group! They could be immensly helpful and supportive!!  My friend joined one for divorced/widowed women in our town which helped, she also got alimony which helped her to get a decent apartment.  She went through a series of jobs but hung in there.  At the age of 57 she finally got a job at a good company with good benifits. 

Time passes quickly and it seems like all of this happened just yesterday but she survived!  You can & will too!

[debic]

For our little negative nancies:

Do you really think that's going to give her something to live on for the rest of her life?   Not sure why it doesn't add up.   She still has lost her home, renting a room is a far cry from a home after 20 years.   

To OP:

I've had a couple sisters walk away with nothing.   They struggled and took any kind of jobs they could get.  One started cleaning houses and has built up a pretty good clientele, the other waited tables and went to school at night and now she runs restaurants.   It was a long struggle for both of them.   I agree with a support group if you can find one.

[gmkb]

You have all shown great compassion for this woman. I am not sure we should be encouraging this type of discussion. If this poster is sincere, she needs professional legal and psychological help. If she is not sincere, she has taken advantage of a very kind group of women.