Community Chat

[Hayfield]

I married a "middle child" and boy am I glad.  DH has two other brothers and they all were born with lisps, like their father, only DH would go & work with a therapist, provided by the school for free, to get rid of his.  Only DH went to college, the other two didn't want to go.  Only DH has good health from basically taking good care of himself, diet, exercise, etc.  His older brother passed away at 57, his younger brother has other health and mental issues.  I guess in some cases being a middle child is a good thing!

[ROMARY]

I've only read some of the posts; excellent viewpoints regarding posters' personal experiences, thoughts.  Anyway, what 'popped into my mind' is that just maybe there are some people who are negative toward selected others, playing the 'd*vils advocate' on purpose.   I don't know into which category they would fall under, but I've run across 'one or two', so to speak.  Just a thought, of course.

[ROMARY]

p.s.  As I stated very early in this thread, I just knew that this would be a very interesting, informative, helpful thread.

[occasionalrain]

I think your son is looking at 50 and reflecting on his life, what he's accomplished and what he hasn't. He doesn't like what he sees and is at a loss to change it. My mother was the middle child and was close to her siblings, their favorite. I don't think it has as much to do with birth order than how their personality fits with the family. A family of outgoing people who have a more introverted child will make the child feel an outsider.

If I were his mother, I would think of some memory of him that was special and write to him and tell him that I had been thinking of him and remembered it. I would make him feel appreciated which, it seems, he hasn't been.

[software]

It's complicated but back when I was single and dating, I would avoid the "middle" child.  I'm an only child and I usually had more in common with another only or the oldest child.

I used to work with a guy who was interested in birth order, he was a "middle"   He told me most serial killers are middle children.   

Go figure.  Your son wants some distance, sometimes you have to honor that wish.

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@pattypeep wrote:

There have been books written about birth order, etc. Do you believe the middle child(ren) have issues that the other children may not have? I suspect that my middle son has a persecution complex that seems to be worsening as he gets older. He's never been married and is 46. My first and third child are so different and such a joy to be around. When my middle son visited this past summer I couldn't wait for him to leave. Sad, but true. It became so tiring with him complaining about everyone and everything. Even his father. Then, it turns out me, too. He went to visit my youngest son when he left here and apparently told him that I lived in a zoo and that I'm crazy because I kiss my cockatiel. (We have two dogs, a cat, and my sweet cockatiel that I recently re-homed).  I sent him a check for his birthday which I always do and he didn't cash it. I haven't heard from him since. He lives in another state. This is probably TMI, but I'm really befuddled. PS: We have always had a good relationship in the past and as he was growing up.

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[qvcfreak]

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@2blonde wrote:

@qvcfreak  You are very fortunate to have such a close family!  Your parents must have done a great job.  Enjoy each other as much as you can, after the parents are gone, siblings become so much more important!

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So true, both our parents are gone but we were brought up with people come and go but your siblings are all you have to lean on when it's good and especially when it's ugly. Our oldest brother almost died and so my SIL could go back to work with no worries, my 2 sisters and I took care of him. We got a lot closer to him as he was always quiet. Now he calls us a lot and comes to family gatherings. We are truly blessed. 

[ROMARY]

Software:  'Kind of creepy' that your former co-worker who was a middle child, told you (or hinted to you?) that many/some middles were serial killers.  That would make me feel very 'uneasy'.   Just a first thought, of course.

[AuntG]

@pattypeep His troubles go beyond what the commonly overlooked middle child experiences.  I hope your will gives clear reasons for who is getting what because I think he could make things rough for his siblings.

My DH was smack in the middle of eleven children.  He was a quiet, studious child and was pretty much left alone while the squeaky wheels got the grease.  I try to make his birthday and Christmas special because I know he was often overlooked, but I don't want to overwhelm him either.  

[pattypeep]

@AuntG Yes, everything is in order in our wills. Three children ~ everything split three ways ~ and they each have a copy.

[pattypeep]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

I think your son is looking at 50 and reflecting on his life, what he's accomplished and what he hasn't. He doesn't like what he sees and is at a loss to change it. My mother was the middle child and was close to her siblings, their favorite. I don't think it has as much to do with birth order than how their personality fits with the family. A family of outgoing people who have a more introverted child will make the child feel an outsider.

If I were his mother, I would think of some memory of him that was special and write to him and tell him that I had been thinking of him and remembered it. I would make him feel appreciated which, it seems, he hasn't been.

@occasionalrain  I hope this doesn't mean what it sounds like. My children have all been treated in the same manner and with the same amount of love and attention. His peculiar behavior is recent. We have always had a loving relationship until very recently.

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