"MIddle Child" Issues? - Page 4

Susan in California · ‎06-02-2014

I don't feel your youngest son should be telling you what your middle son told him about you (living in a zoo, crazy, etc). I feel that parents should try their best to not talk negatively about one child to another. No matter how difficult an adult child may be, the "good" children should not be part of the discussion. I feel very strongly about this. It is very difficult, but essential.

My father in law was one of five sons. All of them were good looking men, and each was successful in different ways. Their mother was often comparing them, complaining about one to the other. When their mother died, the men (my husband's father and uncles) still had hard feelings toward each other. There were a few diads, but mostly they and their wives didn't get along well. All of them loved their mother, but it was my husband who said she was the the one who caused the issues in the first place.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@songbird wrote:
Birth order does contribute to your personality. Middle children have to face enough money for college (the eldest didn't have to), buying new clothes (hand me downs) being an indivdual (pictures with you surrounded by other child's arms) getting lost (thinking you're around when you're not)

Is it any wonder you become a mess?

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It seems to me, if that were the case, it would be the youngest who suffered the most with hand me downs and not enough college money. More so than the middle child.

lulu2 · ‎03-09-2010

After being the younger of 2 sisters for 13 years, I became the middle sister. Because I spent my formative years in my older, prettier sister's shadow, that affected my personality far more than being a middle child.

Birth order does affect one's personality but so does the closeness in age and the sex of the siblings.

2blonde · ‎03-10-2010

I think there's a lot more going on than birth order......

Oldest sister: Wanted very much, had hundreds of pictures taken in albums, class valedictorian, very much favored by my father.

Second sister (me) Unplanned......didn't particularly want a second daughter (would have at least prefered a boy). By this time, parents were beginning to drink too much......I pretty much raised myself and my younger sister.

Third sister: (also unplanned......really wanted a boy) When she was only 8, I got married. She cried because she didn't want to lose me. I tried to continue to spend time with her as much as possible, but by this time my parents were total alcoholics. She was completely neglected until my mother died and she moved in with me and my husband at the age of 10.

Outcome: Oldest sister became an alcoholic and eventually committed suicide. Middle sister (me) divorced after 6 years of marriage, had some wild party years, but is still a responsible self-supporting person who loves her little sister. Little sister had some difficulty learning to take responsibility for her life, but did turn into a great, hard-working person. (Note, neither I nor my little sister were ever interested in having children.)

Laura loves cats!

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

A great philosopher once said, "After a certain age, every man is responsible for his face."

At some point we can't blame our family or birth order. Personally I would put a qualifier on that if we had serious family issues, but anyway, at 46, this man's birth order should not affect him to any extent.

What will affect him is how his brain is structured and whether he inherited certain tendencies to something like depression from an ancestor.

MyShadowLove · ‎01-05-2015

Noel7 wrote:

A great philosopher once said, "After a certain age, every man is responsible for his face."

At some point we can't blame our family or birth order. Personally I would put a qualifier on that if we had serious family issues, but anyway, at 46, this man's birth order should not affect him to any extent.

What will affect him is how his brain is structured and whether he inherited certain tendencies to something like depression from an ancestor.

@Noel7...Yes!...I definitely agree with this...There comes a time when we all have to face the responsibility of our own behavior and no longer blame it on our family environment, etc...Most of us are very aware of how we are treating others and are in control of our own behavior.

At the same time, I also agree that some can be scarred so deeply that it can take their entire lifetime struggling and coping and also dealing with inherited tendencies....My heart goes out to all who find themselves in these situations, as it must be so very difficult to not be able to just let go and be in control of oneself.

There are so many variables when it comes to human nature and can be very complex.

~~Formerly known as "WildFlowers"~~

pattypeep · ‎06-06-2011

@Noel7 I believe you are correct. There is a history of depression in members of my family. My mother and two of my brothers. I do believe my son could benefit from medication and I'm trying to figure out how to broach the subject without offending him. What's really odd is that he is extremely good looking (think John Kennedy, Jr), musically talented, started his own business with his own two nickles and it is thriving. He basically has everything to live for.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea-Robert A. Heinlein

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@MyShadowLove wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
A great philosopher once said, "After a certain age, every man is responsible for his face."

At some point we can't blame our family or birth order. Personally I would put a qualifier on that if we had serious family issues, but anyway, at 46, this man's birth order should not affect him to any extent.

What will affect him is how his brain is structured and whether he inherited certain tendencies to something like depression from an ancestor.

@Noel7...Yes!...I definitely agree with this...There comes a time when we all have to face the responsibility of our own behavior and no longer blame it on our family environment, etc...Most of us are very aware of how we are treating others and are in control of our own behavior.

At the same time, I also agree that some can be scarred so deeply that it can take their entire lifetime struggling and coping and also dealing with inherited tendencies....My heart goes out to all who find themselves in these situations, as it must be so very difficult to just let go and not be in control of oneself.

There are so many variables when it comes to human nature and can be very complex.

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You and I are on the same page @MyShadowLove And yes, there are exceptions to the rule, an extreme one would be family molestation.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@pattypeep wrote:
@Noel7 I believe you are correct. There is a history of depression in members of my family. My mother and two of my brothers. I do believe my son could benefit from medication and I'm trying to figure out how to broach the subject without offending him. What's really odd is that he is extremely good looking (think John Kennedy, Jr), musically talented, started his own business with his own two nickles and it is thriving. He basically has everything to live for.

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You're on the right track @pattypeep It certainly could be clinical depression which involves a chemical issue within the brain. I would say the odds are there in his family history.

How to approach it? I would let him know, kindly, what I was thinking. That I was concerned he didn't seem happy and wanted to remind him depression runs in the family. See how he responds, but try to let him know there are meds that can help and that depression is VERY COMMON. Many great people have struggled with depression.

Good luck to you and your son

2blonde · ‎03-10-2010

@pattypeep wrote:
@Noel7 I believe you are correct. There is a history of depression in members of my family. My mother and two of my brothers. I do believe my son could benefit from medication and I'm trying to figure out how to broach the subject without offending him. What's really odd is that he is extremely good looking (think John Kennedy, Jr), musically talented, started his own business with his own two nickles and it is thriving. He basically has everything to live for.

@pattypeep Yes, it does sound like he has some sort of chemical imbalance that might be treatable. His behavior seems irrational to me.......certainly it's no reflection on you!

Laura loves cats!