Community Chat

[Marienkaefer2]

I can't imagine not inviting my grandmother to a party like this, especially if I lived in the same house with her! I agree with others that FB was not a good idea. And you need to discuss this in person.

[qualitygal]

I think you're on to something there. They want to party with people their own ages. If it was a dinner and cake, you might have been asked. But I don't think it's like it was before, in the past. They are the losers. They didn't tell you, so you wouldn't be hurt. Trouble is, it usually comes out. Try not to be hurt, it just appears, that's the changed world we are in now.

[apple1964]

That is very inconsiderate. I would raise all there rents!!! Sorry, this happened to you.

[lovestopaint]

Why don't you just raise their rent.

They sound like freeloaders to me.

[MalteseMomma]

AuntG said:

You mentioned panic attacks so I'm wondering if they thought the party might make you uncomfortable. The other thing you mentioned that I find strange is various family members living in your basement and upstairs. Are these actual apartments that would meet the fire and safety standards that any landlord would have to abide by, or are these people simply living off of you? At age 77, I'd be inclined to make some changes in my living arrangements.

Yes,AuntG, This large and beautiful 3 family house was built about 60 yrs ago by my inlaws. I BOUGHT it in the late 50's .I have lived here since I was 18 yrs old.

It is a large, legal three family house, with 3 fully equipped and functioning lovely and legal apts.all with private enterences and also a large beautiful finished basement. Fully carpeted the Basement apt has bright and sunny rooms 2 bedrooms , lg livingroom, lg fully equiped kitchen .lg bathroom with tub and shower and private enterence ,with a beautiful landscaped private yard.Grandson and his wife live there, it has always been occupied by various family members throughout these many years

My upstairs apt again fully carpeted, (where my own mother once lived, now my daughter and her family lives there, has a very large living room, a large dining room, 2 lg bed rooms, large modern fully equiped kitchen,large fully tiled bathroom with tub and shower, Private enterence and also a beautiful landscaped yard.

Did I mention , gas and electric, heat hot water and ,air conditioning!

I have electric fire alarms, smoke detectors, carbon monoxide dectors ,ect on every floor and I am inspected yearly by the gov. I do collect rent, although only half cheaper than I could get, and I am inspected by the gov yearly.

I abide by all rules as my son is the MAYOR for 16 yrs , of this town and I do not make any exception to the rules for any reason .

Auntie,Thanks for your concern, and yes sometimes I get panic attacks but not the kind anyone can see or have to get me out of there somehow or that I cause any kind of problem for anyone but myself.Noone would even know I was having a panic attack. I think I should have been told and given the choice to go or not.

[MalteseMomma]

On 2/9/2015 Marienkaefer2 said: I can't imagine not inviting my grandmother to a party like this, especially if I lived in the same house with her! I agree with others that FB was not a good idea. And you need to discuss this in person.

I agree,FB was my mistake ,can I get excused for anger.....lol........I did discuss it in person with my grandson and he said I am important to him and he was sorry. He sort of used the "weather and my panic" excuse.

I am still hurt that it was kept a secret and just don't understand why but sooner or later I have to let it go..........later I will ..........lol

We are a very close family that always support one another.I really do not know why this had to be a secret. When I'm ready I will ask.

and ......no they do not take advantage of me living here,yes they get a rent brake but that's all. They shovel snow and help with many things ,ect,ect. I always enjoyed having family here and felt safe.

I just do not understand this new secret thing. My point was that it should be my choice to go or not right?

________________________________________________________________

NYC SUSAN, I totally agree with you. Thank you.

[CouponQueen]

Actually my answer to the question Stevee about being invited to activities would be YES..Birthday Parties..absolutely!!!! Living in my apt or not...I would expect to be invited to a grandson or son's party. Now if it was adult friends only going out for dinner absolutely not..but family get-together yes I would!!

Panic attacks, weather etc. I would expected to be invited and make the decision on whether or not I attended. They are living on subsidized rent but can't invite you.

Shame on them..and you have every right for your feelings to be hurt.

[MalteseMomma]

On 2/9/2015 CouponQueen said:

Actually my answer to the question Stevee about being invited to activities would be YES..Birthday Parties..absolutely!!!! Living in my apt or not...I would expect to be invited to a grandson or son's party. Now if it was adult friends only going out for dinner absolutely not..but family get-together yes I would!!

Panic attacks, weather etc. I would expected to be invited and make the decision on whether or not I attended. They are living on subsidized rent but can't invite you.

Shame on them..and you have every right for your feelings to be hurt.

Thank you. I agree. It was not just a friend party.Family was invited and it WAS a cake and dinner thing. Not being invited is bad enough but I really cannot understand the secret thing......... SHAME ON THEM IS RIGHT!

[lulu2]

I am sorry your family is so inconsiderate. The closeness you describe seems physical as you furnish them a home with many amenities. from what you've described, there appears to be little emotional closeness.

Honestly our DIL has had a birthday party for our son and we were not invited. It was for their friends. I was not the least bit offended. She did not however keep it a secret from me.

The ball is in your court. You need to let them know how you feel about everything, not just the party. If you feel you are being taken advantage of, charge them fair rent, including the cost of utilities.

If you choose to have a party, have it because YOU want to social with your friends. It is childish to have one as a get even, you are not invited event.

[goodstuff]

I wonder why you're renting apartments in your home to family members long-term "at reduced rents". Frankly, it sounds like you're housing dependent, manipulative moochers. Instead of worrying about whether you're invited to a party (which in reality you might not have enjoyed or chosen to attend, considering your age, bad winter weather, and your tendency to panic attacks), I'd be worrying about being used and disrespected by family members. Maybe it's time to change your living situation.......maybe put your big house on the market, tell the moochers it's time to rent their own places, and consider moving into a smaller apartment or perhaps a senior community.