Community Chat

[luvzchiz]

I would go. Friends support each other in good times and bad, of course if possible.  It should give you some fun conversations with your friend, afterwards.  

I agree with another poster, the men at white tie weddings I've attended wore dark suits and all was good.  A tux isn't necessarily unless that person is a member of the wedding party.  That shouldn't hold him back unless he really isn't interested.  Dance, eat, and enjoy. 

As for a present, do they have a registry?  Pick something you can afford and give it with an open heart and good wishes for the couple.  

ETA.  Is the resort close to you or would you have to travel far?  

[Sooner]

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@Trailrun23 wrote:

I can't believe it, but today I got an engraved, formal wedding invitation to a friend's daughter's wedding who is getting married for the 5th time! It sounds like it is going to be quite the event. It is black tie and will be in early October at a resort. I think the guy she is marrying is wealthy,  so hopefully my friend isn't paying for any of this. Her daughter is about 40 now, so I amazed this is still going on. Would you go? DH has already said if he has to wear his tux, he is out, so I would probably have to go alone. I am trying to talk myself into going, and I feel bad for my friend if no one she knows attends. She is divorced so don't know if her ex will be part of this or not.

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@Trailrun23 Possibly because I'm old but no I would not go. I have quit being guilted into participating in other people's nonsense. Why should you go?  

It's the friend's family, and whatever it is, it is not your issue.  You aren't part of the wedding party. Your friend will be busy and won't need you.  You will wind up hanging around not knowing people while she is meeting "the other side" and taking pictures etc. 

[JeanLouiseFinch]

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@vermint wrote:

This is just me, but I don't attend "destination" weddings--they are usually in places I have no desire to go, and I don't have the money to spend for travel and the clothes it would require. For a fifth wedding, any gift would be very small, also.

Two of my best friend's three daughters' weddings were in locations that would have required flights, hotel rooms, car rental, restaurant meals, etc. I regretfully declined because I just am not going to spend  thousands of dollars. These weddings were also not in places that I would have wanted to go on vacation. I did send nice gifts.

The oldest daughter got married within a couple hours driving distance, so we did attend that one, and got a hotel room for just one night.

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@vermint We're in this predicament right now.  We have friends whose daughter lives in Texas and is getting married there next spring.  We already received our Save-the-Date card.  For us to drive, it's two full days on the road there and  two back, plus hotel, in addition to thr hotel we'd need while we were down there, plus eating out multiple times. We'd also be using a week of DH's vacation.  We could fly and make it a quicker trip but airfare right now is ridiculous.  I'm watching Southwest but they don't have the dates yet.  This isn't a vacation we would normally choose so it's a lot of sacrifice and expense, just in the name of friendship. The bride and groom will be up here in September and I'm invited to their shower.  Everyone is understanding if we decide not to make that long trip. I will attend the shower and probably just give them both gifts then. 

[vermint]

@JeanLouiseFinch My friend was also understanding about our declining. I'm all in favor of getting married wherever one wishes, but those involved need to realize the financial burden for guests when they plan these weddings, and not be hurt when some people can't make it.

[Sooner]

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@OKPrincess wrote:

It's not your friend's fault her daughter has had multiple marriages so go to support her.

Unconditional friendship

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@OKPrincess Unless there is some very awkward and emotional situation and maybe an ensuing scene is expected, WHY would an adult woman need support from friends at her daughter's wedding?

Won't she have people to meet and things to do?  Won't she be taking pictures, being in receiving lines, paying attention to her DAUGHTER, her new in-laws, her new SON in law?  

Will she be hiding in the corner and needing a friend to hold her hand and say "there, there?"  Sorry but that's absurd.  

[CANDLEQUEEN]

I would go to support my friend, unless the wedding is too far away and would be too expensive to attend.

Your husband can wear a dark suit, he doesn't have to have a tux on. Also, the friend just may need your support, so for that I would go. It may turn out to be fun..This must be the Groom's first marriage???

[JillyMarie]

Goodness, 5 weddings.  Questions come to mind.

Have you attended the first 4?

Have there be 5 bridal showers? 

Any baby showers?

Was there a gift registry for each wedding?

Are gifts expected for the 5th wedding?  Or was there a "no gifts" notation on the invite?

How much money have you spent on travel, clothes and gifts for this person.

Has the bride or bride's family had occasion to reciprocate proportionally?  (Yes, I realize that a gift is given from the heart and no payback is due.)

None of these questions are any of my business so feel free to ignore.

[kaydee50]

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@Lvqfan wrote:

If the truth be known, the brides mother would probably like to skip the whole thing, too!  I'd politely decline......the woman sounds like a serial bride.

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I was thinking the same thing.  If I were the bride's mother, I would tell daughter "you're on your own" --LOL!! and would be embarrassed to have my friends attend especially if they were present for the other 4.  

[ManyMeows]

🤗  When a very dear friend of mine was married for the second time, they had an outdoor wedding in their yard, followed by a picnic, dress was casual attire, and the invitation clearly specified no gifts. 

It was, without a doubt the most memorable and enjoyable. wedding I've ever attended, just a wonderful day with good friends enjoying each other's company.

[shoptilyadropagain]

I would only consider it if the groom had never been married before.  Otherwise, I would definitely send a gift and skip the wedding.  

I understand this is a good friend's daughter but any of my friends would have told me the invitation was coming but please don't feel obligated to attend.  They would understand and accept my decision if I chose not to attend.