Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,633
Registered: ‎06-25-2012

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

Um YES you are way overreacting!! You want to give her back her $30?? Why? I just don't understand why the OP is so bent out of shape about this! There is a lot more in life to worry about. Your neighbor was very generous and just be happy about that. I'm hoping there isn't more to this story about maybe the OP is a bit intimidated by a young single woman living next door needing help? I hope that's not the case. Move on. You could have one heck of a horrible neighbor! Sounds like you got a gem.

"Pure Michigan"
Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,892
Registered: ‎07-03-2013

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

I don't see the issue.  DH did some work and took money, situation is over.  I think it could potentially turn into an issue if the neighbor wants him to help all the time.  If it happens again, he can show her how to use her attachment.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,841
Registered: ‎12-24-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

Your feelings are 'spot on'.

(shame on hubby)

Honored Contributor
Posts: 41,472
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

i think you are overreacting.....or possibly a little jealous?


he did a very nice thing for your new neighbor. she did a very nice thing for your husband. it all events itself out. maybe he can go over and show her how to use her own equipment and tell her if she needs any other help with it to just ask. a nice way to welcome someone into the neighborhood.


at this point neither you nor him should give the money back. it would not be nice.

"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,997
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

@kittyloo  While I may be in the minority here, I do not think you are overreacting.   What your husband was a nice deed towards the new neighbor, and while he saved her lot of time by using his leaf vacuum, it would have been nice if he also would have also showed her how to operate her blower.


He is the one who offered assistance, she didn't ask, but I sense she may have felt obligation to compensate him and it nice that she did so. But he should have been just as adamant about not accepting the money. 



I think I would go over and welcome her to the neighborhood, may-be bring her a potted mum and then return the money telling her it made you feel uncomfortable.


Now on the other hand, when a neighbor constantly helps out and there is no way you can reciprocate, perhaps due to age or physical limitation,  then I would make sure to find a way to compensate them.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 826
Registered: ‎01-21-2011

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

Wish my husband would leave me alone for 20 minutes and to get paid on top of it.  lol

Honored Contributor
Posts: 31,164
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

You are overeacting because what is done.  He took  money for it so that pretty much takes away the "good deed" aspect and $30 for 20 minutes of leaf blowing was excessive.  Neighbors do things for each other all the time and even when offered, people don't take money.  At some people we all help each other out in some way or another.  This didn't involve you in anyway so it wouldn't be right for your to give the money back.  I think the only concern I would have is that the money might have given the woman the impression that she can count on your husband to take on some handyman actitvities for her.  Time will tell.  But if that does happen, you can't be angry with her because that is the impression that your husband unwittingly gave her. But that's huge if.  It's over, let it go.  

Super Contributor
Posts: 368
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

Not overreacting. I would be absolutely mortified if my husband accepted money from a neighbor. How tacky.

That being said I don't think you can give back the money without making your husband look foolish. Buy a gift card for $30 to a fun local restaurant and put it in nice welcome to the neighborhood card. 

Regular Contributor
Posts: 214
Registered: ‎09-21-2017

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

[ Edited ]

IMHO: Everyone has a tip jar out today, thus many, your neighbor, feels obligated to give $. Your husband, obviously, doesn't realize, good deeds go without payment. The feeling of doing good for good's sake is lost in our interactions.


Let it go.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,670
Registered: ‎12-27-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

If the money goes back...He should give it back, not you. You are his wife, not his mother. 

With that said, I would not  give it back. I'm a single female and I gift people when they do things like for me especially when I don't ask them to. What you can do, instead, is be warm and friendly to this new neighbor, invite for coffee/tea/cocktail and get to know her. If she is receptive great but also don't be offended if she doesn't end up doing much of that as it may not be her style. You may end up with a great friend that may end up being there for you when you need help or fun.