am i overracting to this situation? - Page 9

esmerelda · ‎03-10-2010

@sunshine45 wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@Dragonflyveb wrote:
I am a single woman who has lived in my neighborhood for almost 30 years.

From my perspective, there are times when I need a "Prince Charming" to help out. However, PC is always out of town, so I am grateful when my neighbors help out with fallen tree limbs, moving something heavy, or shoveling snow. They don’t do the whole job for me, just help. It’s just nice when I don’t have to do it all alone. On the other hand, I don’t want someone helping all the time so I feel obligated.

I don’t offer money, but I do bake cookies or bread and drop that off. I appreciate the help! Sometimes, there is only so much I can do by myself.

I guess it depends on attitude. I am not interested in anyone's husband, sometimes a single person just needs some help.

dragonfly
I have been a single woman in a few different neighborhoods, and - like you - I was sometimes in need of assistance with small things. There were always neighbors willing to help out, and I always offered money, but none of them ever took it.

Like you, I wasn't interested in anyone else's husband. The thought never crossed my mind! And no one ever treated me as though I was. When I was married, my husband often helped out neighbors, both male and female, and that was certainly fine with me. I never felt threatened in the slightest.

I don't blame the new neighbor for offering money. I would have done the same. It's interesting to me that some posters are suspicious of this new neighbor. I don't understand that at all. I don't see a reason to think the OP's husband had ulterior motives either. It sounds to me like just a neighbor-helping-a-new-neighbor story. IMO it was appropriate for her to offer money, and he was wrong to take it, but other than that small misstep, I don't find anything about this unusual or suspect at all.

@NYC Susan

i pretty much agree with your response except for one part.

i dont understand why you are saying it was wrong of him to take the money if you yourself offer money to people who help you? it was right of her to offer money, but wrong of him to take it? why even offer it if you dont think it is right for someone to take it?

@sunshine45 @NYC Susan. Yes, I’d like to know too. The giver might feel some insult at being refused.

It really makes no sense. The money given out to UPS drivers and mail delivery people and other service people by customers for doing nothing more than their job. They all take it and I don’t think anybody complains. But let someone do something to help out, and it’s a terrible thing if they take money offered to them.

I would ask if I owed him/her anything and if they said no would tell them to let me know if there’s ever anything I can to help them.

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Keepin' it real.

Rockycoast · ‎03-02-2016

I would be in a tizzy also. Not about my husband helping out a neighbor, but the fact that he took money for it. (my husband would not. He would be just as insistant to not take money, gift card because neighbors help one another. It doesn't need to be paid for). I hope you let your husband know that wasn't the right thing to do and to not do it again. After that let it go.

esmerelda · ‎03-10-2010

Husband: yes, Mother

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Keepin' it real.

Its Me LuLuBelle2 · ‎10-12-2016

@esmerelda wrote:
I find it funny… I think many of the people here who are saying he shouldn’t have accepted money are the very ones who want to give money as a “tip” to everyone who does the slightest thing for them. Is it just a gesture to appear generous? Would they be insulted if their offer of a tip was refused? Some here are stranger about money than they are about...never mind.

@esmerelda, My husband and I are those who tip folks (always) who have been asked to come to our home to perform work. The guys who delivered furniture/appliances, the man who services our oil burner, the men who worked in ridiculous heat to replace our roof. All of those people were called, asked for their services and we wanted to tip them for providing that service and to show our appreciation. I think there's a huge difference between them and the guy next door who jumped into action, without being asked to, and then accepted money for a "service" he wasn't asked to perform. In my humble opinion there's a huge difference. LuLu

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

Your husband isn't your child, he's an adult and it was his choice to offer her help and accept the money. I suspect that the neighbor paid him to avoid being indebted to him, especially since she doesn't know him or his motivation. She doesn't want to encourage a friendship with him that you may not approve or become a source of gossip.

Stay out of it.

KKlim · ‎06-20-2015

@bootsanne..lol to your post....😂😂

Rockycoast · ‎03-02-2016

@Its Me LuLuBelle2 wrote:
@esmerelda wrote:
I find it funny… I think many of the people here who are saying he shouldn’t have accepted money are the very ones who want to give money as a “tip” to everyone who does the slightest thing for them. Is it just a gesture to appear generous? Would they be insulted if their offer of a tip was refused? Some here are stranger about money than they are about...never mind.

@esmerelda, My husband and I are those who tip folks (always) who have been asked to come to our home to perform work. The guys who delivered furniture/appliances, the man who services our oil burner, the men who worked in ridiculous heat to replace our roof. All of those people were called, asked for their services and we wanted to tip them for providing that service and to show our appreciation. I think there's a huge difference between them and the guy next door who jumped into action, without being asked to, and then accepted money for a "service" he wasn't asked to perform. In my humble opinion there's a huge difference. LuLu

ITA LuLuBell2, there is a huge difference. One has nothing to do with the other. Having a company you called provide a service for you or going out to dinner and paying for the service is not even close/comparable to taking money from a neighbor after helping them out. Apples to Oranges

esmerelda · ‎03-10-2010

Not apples and oranges.

The people you "invite" to your house you do so after agreeing on a price. What you give them because they do not a good job but an outstanding job (not sure working in the heat means anything as roofers know that's a given when taking the job) is called a tip.

Servers who are attentive and give excellent service, are very pleasant get a tip. Servers who don't give such good service, all but forget you are there, are rude...they get charity (which customers THINK is a tip) because they are so poorly paid.

Would you give any of those (above) a gift card instead of cash?

Neighbors who help out...you haven't agreed on a price, they aren't providing a service for which they are being paid, whether they do it well or not. They are doing something they are in no way obligated to do. Any money you give them would be a tip, no?

*********************
Keepin' it real.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

'All in all', I do think that the new neighbor woman kept it as a business type of tip.

As someone else said, she doesn't want to be in a position to perhaps return the favor.

Give a tip (or whatever we want to call it), and what's done is done. Finite. (Finished).

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Its Me LuLuBelle2 · ‎10-12-2016

@esmerelda wrote:
Not apples and oranges.

The people you "invite" to your house you do so after agreeing on a price. What you give them because they do not a good job but an outstanding job (not sure working in the heat means anything as roofers know that's a given when taking the job) is called a tip.

Servers who are attentive and give excellent service, are very pleasant get a tip. Servers who don't give such good service, all but forget you are there, are rude...they get charity (which customers THINK is a tip) because they are so poorly paid.

Would you give any of those (above) a gift card instead of cash?

Neighbors who help out...you haven't agreed on a price, they aren't providing a service for which they are being paid, whether they do it well or not. They are doing something they are in no way obligated to do. Any money you give them would be a tip, no?

@esmerelda, the trades folks coming into our home are generally underpaid and work very hard for the boss making the big bucks - and so we tip them with USD's. I'm truly sorry that you can't distinguish from the roofers working in 95+ degree heat for 8 hours, (with hot tar and blazing sun), from the guy next door who spends 20 minutes with his big, bad leaf vacuum, who was never asked to bring it over from truly hard working, underpaid men who do what they do for a living wage for their families. I would never insult them with a gift card to Dunkin' Donuts - cash helps with groceries.

My husband is the guy who plows our private road (our town does NO maintenance on our private road but collects their huge taxes), Hubby is the guy who fixes potholes and the guy who cuts down trees that are endangering power lines - and oh, by the way, has never received, or wanted, a thank you, let alone a "tip."

As hard as it may be for you to believe, there really are people who want to make their little corner of the world, and the people in it, a better place to be - and that's reward enough. LuLu