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Valued Contributor
Posts: 919
Registered: ‎10-12-2016

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

@kittyloo, I don't think you're overreacting at all.  Your husband took it upon himself, without her asking, to do something for a neighbor.  No more, no less and he should not have been compensated.

 

I do think when you've calmed down you need to have a serious conversation with him that he shouldn't intrude on her anymore.  If she needs or wants help, she'll ask.  But it could get to be very uncomfortable for her to have a neighbor see her doing something and in the spirit of being nice he goes to do it "better" or make things "easier" for her.  Would he be so quick to help a male neighbor?   If you frame the conversation like that, he may see the error of his ways.  I'm sure he's a good egg, just a little misguided this time.  Hope it all works out for you.  LuLu

 

 

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,195
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?


@dex wrote:

I would give her back the money and let her know that your DH felt awkward in the situation as that was totally unexpected.i would introduce myself first though and maybe bring some cookies or flowers to welcome a new neighbor.


This is exactly what I would do!

 

Go over & introduce yourself, welcome her to the neighborhood & bring a small gift like cookies or something like that.  Tell her that there was no need to pay your husband since she didn't hire him to begin with.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,842
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

I wouldn't worry about it too much.  I understand the principle behind your thinking, however.

  Our grandsons, now 20 and 23, have been doing yard work for us for years. DH thinks he has to pay them every single time they do something....even if it's just pulling 10 weeds!!!  I let DH know that it would be good for the "boys" to sometimes  do things out of the kindness and love of their hearts and we should let them.  We compromised and it has turned out well.  They tell him to put away his wallet.  For jobs like putting river rock around the whole house...yes...we pay well!  Quite frankly, they enjoy me making them a banana cream pie more than anything.  It has to be from scratch though.  In that way I have them spoiled!  Ha!

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 31,164
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?


@haddon9 wrote:

@dex wrote:

I would give her back the money and let her know that your DH felt awkward in the situation as that was totally unexpected.i would introduce myself first though and maybe bring some cookies or flowers to welcome a new neighbor.


This is exactly what I would do!

 

Go over & introduce yourself, welcome her to the neighborhood & bring a small gift like cookies or something like that.  Tell her that there was no need to pay your husband since she didn't hire him to begin with.

 

Do not embarrass the woman in that way !!!!!!!!!!   Yes, I agree it would be nice if you make some cookies or bake a pie and take it to her, introduce yourself.  But don't complicate matters further by bringing up that $30.  What would be gained from that other than to embarrass her and make her feel that she did something wrong?  Why do something like that to someone who does not deserve it?   It didn't even involve you in any way, that was your husband's doing and it simply is not a such a big deal.  You know, you aren't your husband's keeper.  You aren't responsible for every thought and deed he makes.


 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,195
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?


@chrystaltree wrote:

@haddon9 wrote:

@dex wrote:

I would give her back the money and let her know that your DH felt awkward in the situation as that was totally unexpected.i would introduce myself first though and maybe bring some cookies or flowers to welcome a new neighbor.


This is exactly what I would do!

 

Go over & introduce yourself, welcome her to the neighborhood & bring a small gift like cookies or something like that.  Tell her that there was no need to pay your husband since she didn't hire him to begin with.

 

Do not embarrass the woman in that way !!!!!!!!!!   Yes, I agree it would be nice if you make some cookies or bake a pie and take it to her, introduce yourself.  But don't complicate matters further by bringing up that $30.  What would be gained from that other than to embarrass her and make her feel that she did something wrong?  Why do something like that to someone who does not deserve it?   It didn't even involve you in any way, that was your husband's doing and it simply is not a such a big deal.  You know, you aren't your husband's keeper.  You aren't responsible for every thought and deed he makes.


 


Sorry but I disagree.  Perhaps there is no need to give back the money but I still would mention that since he wasn't hired to begin with there was no need to pay him.

 

The husband shouldn't have taken the money to begin with.  He's not a child who was looking to make a quick buck out to shovel snow or mow a lawn.  He was in the wrong by taking money when he ffered to help.

 

Now whenever this woman takes out her blower will she feel obligated to pay the neighbor if he comes by?

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,207
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

Yes, overreacting. I don’t see the huge issue.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,842
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

[ Edited ]

I just realized I didn't answer your question.  Yes, I think you did overreact......  but I also understand that $30 would feel like a bit much.  In a moment like that sometimes we just react or don't react in the surprise of the moment.  I'm sure DH meant well and I would much rather be married to a generous man than a stingy one.   Sometimes we just don't know what to do in those situations.

 

Super Contributor
Posts: 298
Registered: ‎01-03-2013

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

My husband would never take money for helping someone, ever!  We also brought our boys up the same way.  Grandma wants to pay the boys for their help, and that will never happen.  What she does do is bake for them.  It makes her happy, and they love it.  They are adults now, and still go over to mow her lawns.  They help neighbors when they can, because it is the right thing to do.  Not bad for a couple of millenials.  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

Why would anyone bash your DH?

I don't understand why you're upset....

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,039
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: am i overracting to this situation?

My DH suggested you both buy her a house warming gift.  

My answer to anyone who wants to pay me for help is "if you pay me that makes you my boss!"  I always accept a hug from a friend or a neighbor as payment.