Community Chat

[Zhills]

                                 

[Carmie]

It is very difficult to know if someone is being mean in written format.  You cannot make eye contact and see body mannerisms.

Some people are super sensitive and take everything personally and others don't mind a difference of opinion.

The forums are not a good place for those who get their feelings hurt easily.  Of course, as in the real world, some people are always snarky and nasty.  They are unhappy people due to physical or emotional pain among other things.

We have no idea of what is happening in people's lives.  Sometimes it is best to just not respond and let the nastiness go unrecognized...and sometimes not.  Often times they need to be told to knock it off.

[CLEM]

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@chiclet wrote:

It surprises me how someone can post and the responses that follow did not get the meaning of the original post and turn it into something else.  Or responses are so hateful.  It is like they can pick apart the topic and find something so negative to rage about.  I saw one post about the decline of home shopping and then it became out the original poster being disrepectful about the older generation.  I come on here to listen to different points of view and to get reviews and helpful information.  

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@chiclet  The reason for posts to turn hateful or go off topic is that you are dealing with humans.   

Now, if we could just deal with kittens and puppies, we would be much happier with their responses.

[Oznell]

Those who have pointed out the one factor that makes social media different from other forms of communication-- anonymity-- are completely right, I believe.

Anonymity has made possible the frightful slurs and "drive-by" hits by posters who see no need to maintain basic civility, whatever the topic of discussion.  I believe if posters imagined they were engaging in face-to-face discussions with others, there would be a drastic decline in the condescending, insulting or belittling  comments, veiled or otherwise.

[camelot]

It's called LIFE.

[Cakers3]

Very simple:

Threads are fluid as is often stated.

Meaness is in the eye of the beholder.

We hash this out almost every week.  From armchair psychology to downright accusations-it is what it is.

[SydneyH]

Mean is definitive, most people here should be able to defend themselves when necessary.

[Cakers3]

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@SydneyH wrote:

Mean is definitive, most people here should be able to defend themselves when necessary.

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@SydneyH  I agree but it isn't going to change another's mind.  It will only fuel more attacks because most will never say "i"m sorry" or "I misunderstood" or any other way to come to an understanding.

Outright insults (you're an idiot; you don't know what you are talking about; I'm a (fill in the blank) so I am the authority; blah blah blah) are best ignored.

For heaven't sake we had a poster taking the "HTH" as an insult.

Some look for a rise in others; some have to get the last word, some are just wasting their time; don't let them waste yours.

jmoymmv

[SydneyH]

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@Cakers3 wrote:

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@SydneyH  I agree but it isn't going to change another's mind.  It will only fuel more attacks because most will never say "i"m sorry" or "I misunderstood" or any other way to come to an understanding.

Outright insults (you're an idiot; you don't know what you are talking about; I'm a (fill in the blank) so I am the authority; blah blah blah) are best ignored.

For heaven't sake we had a poster taking the "HTH" as an insult.

Some look for a rise in others; some have to get the last word, some are just wasting their time; don't let them waste yours.

jmoymmv

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Understood and agree.

[SunValley]

Going off topic: In-person conversations always shift from the original content—it’s the nature of conversation. It happens in written conversation too. Someone will reply to a topic here and add a sentence or two to provide insight, clarify, or provide a similar experience. That sparks a thought in another poster and it goes on another track.

Poster 1: This happened to me this morning...how would you handle it?

Poster 2: I had the same thing happen to me when visiting DC. Here’s what I did...

Poster 3: oh, we want to go there next year, any tips for lodging?

Poster 2: Find a B&B near the Metro.

Poster 4: The Metro isn’t safe. I got mugged.

Meanness: it’s everywhere from sporting events, workplace battles, to church meetings. I’ve seen it a multitude of times. I mostly read and move on. Sometimes I have responded if someone misunderstands my post, but my scolding a rude poster or responding to snark generally will just throw fuel on the fire, so I keep quiet.