Community Chat

[dooBdoo]

---

@catwhisperer wrote:

My mother was very cruel and abusive, physically and emotionally. My older sister and I went to counseling. My sister told me not to expect an apology from our mother. I never got one. I do carry grudges and will most likely never get over it. As a result, I do have a lot of anger issues and have a negative attitude. I'm sure I'm not alone. So, I just live life one day at a time and go from there.

---

(((@catwhisperer)))

[catwhisperer]

@dooBdoo...thanks, but I just live with it.

[MaRina]

Let go and let God! 

[Ms X]

I didn't get through the entire thread yet, but it appears I'm alone in being pro-grudge.  While holding a grudge for petty perceived slights has no value, the same can't be said for grudges against people who have hurt you very badly or just shown themselves to be unworthy of one's friendship. 

I have plenty of grudges, big and small, but don't consider myself a victim.  I must say I don't think of my grudges on a daily or even weekly basis.  I am not being eaten up inside by my grudges.  Some grudges are from years or decades past and, while forgotten, they served their purpose of keeping me away from people who were not or would not be good for me. 

I believe more in forgetting than forgiving when it comes to people who've done horrible things to me or who just aren't up to my standards in terms of how they treat me.  It is even possible to be on good terms with the target of one's grudge while still keeping the grudge intact.  Exhibit A is some relatives of mine.  The grudge is like a shield that guards against further hurt, IMO.  It informs your behavior and expectations so that you will not be so badly hurt again.

This pop psychology about how one must always forgive is B.S., IMO.

[Puzzle Piece]

Grudges??

Just ask those who lost loved ones in the 9/11 attacks and Pearl Harbor.  All that psychobabble is bunk. 

[Ms X]

And as for revenge, grudge's burly big brother, whenever someone says it's bad tell them, "Everybody needs a hobby!"  I mostly fantasize my revenge but don't carry it out.  It's especially enjoyable when I'm imagining something bad but hilarious at the same time.  I get to feel vengeful and laugh as well.  What's not to like?

[Moonchilde]

---

@Juniebugz wrote:

---

@newziesuzie wrote:

There's a perpetual "victimhood" that goes with 

actual grudges imho.

---

Exactly!

---

Only if the one who holds the grudge plays it that way. It's perfectly possible to hold a grudge, rarely think about it, not in any way want to forget it or forgive it, yet not have it make you unhappy or be a frequent part of your life - unless the person *chooses* to do that.

Not all grudges are devastating and not all who hold grudges are devastated by them.

[Moonchilde]

---

@dooBdoo wrote:

        “Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes a person with character to forgive.   When you forgive, you release yourself from a painful burden.   Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was acceptable, and it doesn't mean that person should still be welcome in your life.   It just means you have made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go.”  - Doe Zantamata.

---

I don't consider the very few grudges I hold to be either painful, or a burden. I made peace with the pain long ago, but I'll be PO'd at the individuals forever.

[LyndaGee]

A grudge can be an awful, painful thing to carry around.  I admire people who are able to let go and not let it drag them down.

I do like the idea of the revenge fantasy, Ms. X!

[Moonchilde]

---

@Ms X wrote:

I didn't get through the entire thread yet, but it appears I'm alone in being pro-grudge.  While holding a grudge for petty perceived slights has no value, the same can't be said for grudges against people who have hurt you very badly or just shown themselves to be unworthy of one's friendship. 

I have plenty of grudges, big and small, but don't consider myself a victim.  I must say I don't think of my grudges on a daily or even weekly basis.  I am not being eaten up inside by my grudges.  Some grudges are from years or decades past and, while forgotten, they served their purpose of keeping me away from people who were not or would not be good for me. 

This pop psychology about how one must always forgive is B.S., IMO.

---

That pretty much says it for me. My grudges aren't UNhealthy, I consider them healthily normal and realistic. They are reminders, in a healthy way, not to always take people at face value.