Community Chat

[dooBdoo]

        Just some general thoughts...   There's a reason we need to learn from experiences, and try to "not forget" that we might best distance ourselves from those we've learned can harm us.

        We need to learn from it and try not to let it happen again.   Even so, the wisdom behind letting go of anger, resentment or hurt isn't pop psychology or psychobabble -- terms like that try to be dismissive disparaging of something that's tried and true.   It's even in the Bible and other spiritual teachings, and certainly not a creation of pop culture.

         I think the word "forgiveness" causes us to think it's weakness, or that we're condoning or approving what happened.   That's not the case at all.   I do know people who have suffered horrible pain, losses.   I'll bet most of us do.   Some of us are the people who suffered unimaginable loss.    We don't know everyone's story.

         We can learn from experiences, make peace with them, but not hold onto them.    Like the old adage, clinging to bad feelings and expecting this grudge to affect the other person is like drinking poison and expecting it to harm someone else.   The vessel, the person, holding the bad feelings is ultimately what suffers the real damage.

[dooBdoo]

        I wanted to add, separately, that learning to forgive ourselves is important.   I think that's harder for me than letting go of grudges against others.   It's easy (for me, anyway) to keep beating up on myself for things I've done...  hard to let that go.

[dooBdoo]

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Chrystaltree2 wrote:

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newziesuzie wrote:

There's a perpetual "victimhood" that goes with 

actual grudges imho.

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I agree.  It's no coincidence that people who are into grudges and feuds always have something going with someone.....their battle armor is always on. 

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        Their "battle armor" might be a defense against pain.    On the internet we seldom know what battles each person has fought in their life...  even in "real life," we don't always know.    But I agree, I'll bet we've all encountered people who wear their "victimhood" like a badge of honor.   It's just important to remember, in my opinion, this doesn't apply to everyone.

[Kalli]

Didn't read all the posts.  I don't forget the major offenses, but can easily let go of all the rest.  The major ones, I store in the back of my mind so I don't fall victim again.  

The friend that I thought was my best friend let me down and passed judgment.  I let her go from my life and have been very happy about that for 25 years.  The friendship I thought was there apparently wasn't.  Accept and move on.

The guy that stole a couple thousand from us when he moved out of a rental, that guy won't ever pay for what he did.  Cops know where he is and he's never been charged. But, he'll never take advantage of our kindness again, so that's the lesson.  We are very careful now who we rent to, check and double check before they sign.  

Life is full of lessons.  You can be stupid or you can learn and move on.  This works for me.  Do what works for you.  

[Jacie]

I think you get to a certain point in life where you look around and see that by whatever means, you've let go of the things and people in life who are hurtful and unrealistic for you.

I believe life is too short to have your energy sucked out of you by friends and/or family who are obstacles, hurtful or destructive in your life.

[Trinity11]

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@dooBdoo wrote:

        Just some general thoughts...   There's a reason we need to learn from experiences, and try to "not forget" that we might best distance ourselves from those we've learned can harm us.

        We need to learn from it and try not to let it happen again.   Even so, the wisdom behind letting go of anger, resentment or hurt isn't pop psychology or psychobabble -- terms like that try to be dismissive disparaging of something that's tried and true.   It's even in the Bible and other spiritual teachings, and certainly not a creation of pop culture.

         I think the word "forgiveness" causes us to think it's weakness, or that we're condoning or approving what happened.   That's not the case at all.   I do know people who have suffered horrible pain, losses.   I'll bet most of us do.   Some of us are the people who suffered unimaginable loss.    We don't know everyone's story.

         We can learn from experiences, make peace with them, but not hold onto them.    Like the old adage, clinging to bad feelings and expecting this grudge to affect the other person is like drinking poison and expecting it to harm someone else.   The vessel, the person, holding the bad feelings is ultimately what suffers the real damage.

DooBdoo, you really are a special light here and I so enjoyed reading this post. You probably don't realize how many people you touch here....I happen to be one of them.

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[occasionalrain]

I've seldom been wronged so haven't any grudges. If someone wrongs me, I don't really think about it until an opportunity comes along to even the score, and it always does. Then I so enjoy getting revenge, the colder the better, and if they don't know I was responsible, it's better yet.

[goldensrbest]

I admit, i do hold grudges, but i have got better at trying to not, however what bothers me is, people do things,and never say they are sorry.  I try to remember judge not, that you not be judged.

[Preds]

I'm lazy and holding a grudge takes time and work.  Nope, not for me.

[qualitygal]

It takes too much energy for a lot of temper and a grudge. Get over it and get on with it for me. Life's too short.