Community Chat

[shoekitty]

I like the comparison of holding a grudge, to having a wound that never heals, because you keep picking the scab off.  A grudge, and refusing to forgive  form a wound, and then a scab.  Every time you think of the grudge and hold it close, you pick the scab off.It bleeds all over again, causing you pain, and you have to start over.   If you keep picking the scab,  you never heal and it is always there for you to see and feel..  The person you hold a grudge against never feels your pain.  They go on with their life.  It is like poisoning yourself to kill them. 

I think releasing the grudge, or allowing yourself to forgive allows the wound to heal to a scar.  The scar is there. Forgiving doesn't mean you forget, or you have to have to like that person.It is a release.. a gift to yourself.  A gift that allows you to go on with YOUR life.' JMHO.

How you get there is a journey that is different for everyone/

[K9buddy]

Don't be shy, I would say you DEFINITELY know what a grudge is Karnerblue!!!

[IamMrsG]

I was deeply wronged, betrayed, many years ago.  Due to my immaturity, it took me a loooong time to get over it.  

Thankfully, I learned that forgiveness is not about saying what was done is, "OK now."  Instead forgiveness means to release it, and not just for benefit of the wrong-doer.  It is for the victim.  Let go, be free of it.  Let the burden of the wrong done belong to the wrong-doer. You do not have to be a part of it.

Maya Angelou said something that profoundly changed my outlook, "When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time." (emphasis mine)  I do not interpret that as advice to hold a grudge; however, if someone shows you that their presence in your life is negative to your well-being, move beyond them.  Leave them peacefully, but leave them nonetheless.

[Juniebugz]

I was starting a thread about grudges and this one came up as a suggestion so I'll post here.

[Juniebugz]

[Juniebugz]

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@newziesuzie wrote:

There's a perpetual "victimhood" that goes with 

actual grudges imho.

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Exactly!

[catwhisperer]

My mother was very cruel and abusive, physically and emotionally. My older sister and I went to counseling. My sister told me not to expect an apology from our mother. I never got one. I do carry grudges and will most likely never get over it. As a result, I do have a lot of anger issues and have a negative attitude. I'm sure I'm not alone. So, I just live life one day at a time and go from there.

[RedTop]

As a young child, I saw grudges taken to the extreme with both sides of my family, and my MIL.    Carrying a grudge to the grave rather than apologize, seems quite extreme, but I witnessed that stubbornness three times.      

[Suziepeach]

I learned to forgive, forget & let it go.

[dooBdoo]

        “Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes a person with character to forgive.   When you forgive, you release yourself from a painful burden.   Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was acceptable, and it doesn't mean that person should still be welcome in your life.   It just means you have made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go.”  - Doe Zantamata.