Reply
Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,491
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: When you think of funerals


@jubilant wrote:

No, I really don't want a service.  Neither do I like viewing dead bodies.  I have told DH of my wishes but also said that if they (my family) need something different do whatever brings them comfort and peace.....I won't be there so I won't care! There is one exception.....I can't stand the thought of cremation.  It has nothing to do with beliefs or anything like that.....it just seems very abnormal to me for some reason. The thought of it gives me the creeps.  DH, on the other hand, wants to be cremated. 

 

+++++ I edited this to add...   I think the cost of funerals is absolutely ridiculous.  It costs way too much to die these days!


 

That's me.  Closed casket, one service/mass, no wake, no memorial and I want to go in a mauseleum not the ground.

===================================
QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN
Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,491
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: When you think of funerals

Re: cost

 

For my uncle, he was in assisted living near my mother in another state, so we had to pay the local funeral home to pick up, prepare and transport to funeral home #2 near his extended family and the cemetery.

 

Both funeral homes were almost the same amount.

 

All said and done, it was just under $20k.  My mother did almost exactly what he wanted (I think she couldn't get a walnut casket) and he had more than enough money to cover it all.

===================================
QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,858
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: When you think of funerals

Full funeral proceedings in my religion are very lengthy and dark.  It usually includes two viewing sessions at the funeral home, one during the day and one at night, and the evening session includes a 40 minute ceremony presided over by the priest.  Then the body is transferred to the church where there is a full service the next morning, then the body is transferred to the cemetery where there is another brief service.  It is so emotionally draining.  My father passed away in February and we did an abbreviated version of this where we had one viewing which had a 20 minute service at the end of it then just went to the cemetery and had a brief service.  I think that was a nice way to have something traditional while keeping it brief and not so exhausting.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,019
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: When you think of funerals

I think end of life decisions are up to each and every individual and what they choose to have or do (or not) should be respected and carried out to the final detail, as long as they are paying for it.

 

Any event after death is for the living, in my opinion. The one who has passed gets nothing from it , except peace of mind before they died, knowing that they have plans made and wishes expressed and money to cover it (this is what my mom feels, know it is all laid out and paid for, with her wishes well known, and as much of it pre arranged as possible). I think it selfish and unkind to not make those plans and make clear what one does and does not want. 

 

If the deceased has made no arrangements, and really not declared what they prefer, I feel it is up to the next of kin to do as they see fit.

 

I personally don't want any calling hours or any funeral, and my mom has expressed the same. I have told both my son (as long as he is single) and my husband that if they don't express wishes before they pass (and both don't ever expand on the topic when it comes up), that there will be no service or calling hours for them either. 

 

I am fine at funerals, I can handle seeing the body, I can handle the visitation, the service and the grave side service. I was raised to understand that this is something that has to be done, and I made sure my son attended these things from infancy. I didn't want to wait till he was older and began to have issues with death and funerals, as many people do. 

 

Many people around here are moving toward cremation, and many are having no services anymore, and not just the very old. 

 

I do wonder, when one comes from a community that has used funerals and calling hours and burials as the means to process the grief, support those left behind.....just how we will process and cope when there is no 'goodbye' in the rituals and formal sense that we have been conditioned to have.

 

I kind of feel we (speaking of the community as a whole, always there will be exceptions) might be loosing a long ingrained letting go process, that may be needed and missed by many people. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,549
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: When you think of funerals


@chrystaltree wrote:

I don't think about funerals unless I have to go to one.  I'm only 58 and I don't have a terminal disease, I'm not suicidal so why would I think about funerals?  I do know that 40 years from now when the end is near; I will have pre-paid my funeral and left instructions for what I want.  Just like my parents did.  


@chrystaltree.....you NEVER know when your day will come, friend dropped dead on the golf course.....total shock to family and friends.

He left a HUGE mess for family to take care, because he owned many collectibles that are not garage sale things. It has been a huge burden on the family.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 924
Registered: ‎01-03-2011

Re: When you think of funerals

Thank you -- @game-on -- for starting this thread.  I am surprised to see so many people who want no funeral -- service -- memorial.  I hate everything about funerals and have no interest in subjecting friends and family to something that I hate myself.  It is somehow reassuring to see that others feel the same way I do because anytime the subject has come up -- not only have I been the only one who feels this way -- but others take it upon themselves to let me know how wrong I am and to try to change my mind.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,019
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: When you think of funerals


@chrystaltree wrote:

I don't think about funerals unless I have to go to one.  I'm only 58 and I don't have a terminal disease, I'm not suicidal so why would I think about funerals?  I do know that 40 years from now when the end is near; I will have pre-paid my funeral and left instructions for what I want.  Just like my parents did.  


 

It's never too early to do that. Age has nothing to do with when one dies, and neither does one's health. Very sick people live many years beyond what they are diagnosed sometimes, and perfectly 'healthy' people drop dead or are killed every day. 

 

I feel by the time one is in their early 40's  (at the latest) they should have this all done and arranged for, or at least document what they want, and where the money is to get it accomplished. 

 

I bought my first life insurance policy at age 18, and bought one for my son at age 1. My father was diagnosed with a terminal illness in his early 20's and never was able to financially prepare in the way he needed to for his family. And it was very hard financially, and emotionally to deal with taking care of those end of life things, when he not only didn't have much money, but wouldn't talk about what he wanted. It's not a kind thing to do, leave your family guessing or having to handle what you can do here and now.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,019
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: When you think of funerals


@hayseed00 wrote:

We have a small horse and carriage business and have been doing horse drawn funerals with our hearse.  The ceremonies always make me drift back in time to both my Mom and Dad's funeral with some fond memories along with the sadness I have of not being able to see them.  I was so close to my parents.   I feel privaleged that we can provide some comfort and beauty for the families.  After the casket is loaded off the hearse at the cemetary my husband rings the carriage bell, when I asked him why, he told me it's to chime the deceased to Heaven.  He has a tender heart and compassion for the families that is so needed often at this time.


 

@hayseed00

 

This is beautiful. Bless you both.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,549
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: When you think of funerals

@RedTop..only if you care to answer...if there is no service (which is what I want).....will your family bury your ashes or body with just family in attendace, with no prayer, etc.?

 

I do not want a service, I have very little family but wonder how to handle things like the burial.....I want those that care to go have a meal at my expense and remember me in a fond way.

 

More and more often I see that people are opting for no service.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 31,217
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: When you think of funerals


@judy0330 wrote:

Thank you -- @game-on -- for starting this thread.  I am surprised to see so many people who want no funeral -- service -- memorial.  I hate everything about funerals and have no interest in subjecting friends and family to something that I hate myself.  It is somehow reassuring to see that others feel the same way I do because anytime the subject has come up -- not only have I been the only one who feels this way -- but others take it upon themselves to let me know how wrong I am and to try to change my mind.

 

The sad thing, the disrespectful thing is that even when people make that wish know to their families, their families give them a funeral anyway....the very thing they said they did not want.  They care more about "what will people think" than do about honoring their loved one's wishes.