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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,327
Registered: ‎05-09-2016

Re: When you think of funerals

My mom's sister married into a family that runs a small chain of funeral homes, and I find the entire business to be creepy with a side of icky. I understand that it's a necessary service, but I still want as little as possible to do with it. My plans are for immediate cremation with no service of any kind. I'll be in heaven. I won't care. I have specific plans for my ashes, and once that's taken care of, that's it. Go on living! 

~The more someone needs to brag about how wonderful, special, successful, wealthy or important they are, the greater the likelihood that it isn't true. ~

Regular Contributor
Posts: 235
Registered: ‎10-15-2010

Re: When you think of funerals

No, I don't want a funeral, I don't see the point of them.  Some people attend because they feel they should, you wouldn't see them any other time.  In my experience, the immediate family is devestated and isn't in the mood to entertain and the guests don't know what to say and feel awkward, so I don't see why both sides should put themselves through the additional pain.

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Posts: 1,858
Registered: ‎06-03-2017

Re: When you think of funerals


@FrostyBabe1 wrote:

My mom's sister married into a family that runs a small chain of funeral homes, and I find the entire business to be creepy with a side of icky. I understand that it's a necessary service, but I still want as little as possible to do with it. My plans are for immediate cremation with no service of any kind. I'll be in heaven. I won't care. I have specific plans for my ashes, and once that's taken care of, that's it. Go on living! 


@FrostyBabe1 I'm with you on this.  My coworker recently started dating a mortician.  I could never.  I asked her if it bothered her that he spent all day touching dead bodies, and she said she views him in the same way in which she views a doctor.  I guess that's a good way to look at it in order to cope with it.  She said she makes him shower and change his clothes before they go out, and she refuses to meet him for lunch.  Yuck.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,522
Registered: ‎11-20-2013

Re: When you think of funerals

I don't want any service. I want to be cremated and I asked my children and husband if he outlives me to scatter my ashes over my favorite woodland pond. Nobody else cares.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,747
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Re: When you think of funerals

@Mom2Dogs,

My grandparents, uncle, my dad, and my husbands grandparents are buried in a cemetery nearby.   We have additional plots there for the rest of my family.   My husband and I will have our ashes put in the ground right below the foot of my dad’s grave.   I would ask my brother, a licensed Methodist preacher to do a very short graveside service with only immediate family.   

 

 

 

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,468
Registered: ‎03-22-2010

Re: When you think of funerals

@judy0330  ... I am glad you found this thread helpful.... I dont want a funeral... but if anyone wants a wake... I understand that they have needs to mourn.... I want cremation and whatever happens to my ashes is up to my family.   I think funerals have gotten too expensive and I dont feel any need for any clergyman to preach to anyone... sharing and caring is more my kind of mourning.

 

judy.... dont let anyone change your mind.... hold your head up high.... sadly people try to manipulate others when it comes to these matters.... I wish you the best.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,546
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: When you think of funerals

@judy0330  - DH and I feel the same way and are sticking to it. If you feel strongly about this, please don't let anyone change your mind.

 

My parents have been gone for many, many years now and I have never once gone to their gravesites. Some people would say that is terrible. In my mind, they are in my heart and I think of them often. I don't want my kids to think they have to go to a gravesite to remember me. JMO

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,702
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

Re: When you think of funerals

@judy0330you are so right. My elderly aunt in her 80's, gave her POA specific orders as to what kind of funeral she wants. My aunt looks at it as closure, she admonished her SIL when she cremated her husband, my aunts brother, and had no service of any kind. Her SIL was just carrying out her husbands wishes. My aunt thought her SIL had such a hard time moving on after her husbands death because she didn't have a traditional burial, or closure. Again, people need to respect others decisions.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,842
Registered: ‎04-23-2010

Re: When you think of funerals

I am trying not to think about them. 

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Posts: 2,003
Registered: ‎11-21-2011

Re: When you think of funerals


@game-on wrote:

I think about funerals.... in general.... and I wonder how others think about them.... 

 

To me... a funeral is for those who are left.... 

 

I feel that it would be best for the people who are survivors to plan the ceremony.  

 

Wouldnt it be wonderful if family members could talk about this with each other.... 

 

I think about what happens during a funeral.... the ones that I felt the best about .... and those have included memories of the person who has died, and words of comfort.  I do not want to be preached at.... I am in the most vulnerable of times and you might not believe as I do.  I have come to surround the friends and family of the this person with my love and to be surrounded myself.

 

I really like informal gatherings.... some people call them wakes.  Everyone shares memories and special moments.  There is laughter and tears.  People hold each other and are supportive.

 

What do you think?  

 

I know people who are requesting that no service be held for many reasons.  Do you want a service?

 


I don't understand the part I highlighted. If the person is religious it seems obvious that they might want some sort of religious ceremony. I think most wakes are pretty secular with something else in the church. But if the person only wants a sort of all in one memorial service with some prayers thrown in it seems like no big deal.

 

Personally I want nothing. I might leave some money for people to go to a local bar and have a few rounds on me.