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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,179
Registered: ‎04-04-2015

@reiki604 wrote:

I'm having trouble trying to figure out why marriage at 65 would even be an issue. It's not like they are going to be starting a family. At that age hopefully both are financially stable, have a place to live and food on the table. A relationship for travel, friendship, activities and companionship was already there. What would marriage bring to the table? I ask this in all seriousness as I really don't understand the need for marriage in our later years.


In addition to the financial issues I mentioned above being tricky at that age - so is health.  Maybe she was thinking it would be nice to be assured that he would be around if she got sick - and maybe that was something he didn't want to be obligated to do.

 

Who really knows - other than the two involved.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,887
Registered: ‎06-17-2015

Re: What should she do?

[ Edited ]

And once again-this is a communication failure.  He was under no obligation to consider moving in and/or marriage.

 

He did not fail in this relationship; he was honest.

 

Why is it that women are supposed to be independent and strong but we see women crumbling when men do not want the same thing as they want??

 

Strong advice to @Goodie2shoes  - do not, under any circumstance, bad-mouth him.  If he comes back, you will be the one who thought poorly of him and not your friend.

 

Walk carefully with this; be supportive and listen but leave out your own assessment of him. 

""Out beyond the ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I will meet you there." -Rumi
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 145
Registered: ‎10-28-2017

Why was she wasting her time , a four year relationship is a long time  . I have no desire to remarry or get into a relation ship . My husband passed away going on 9 years . We would have been married going on 34 years .  I took care of myself before we married and that is what I am now doing . I have three fur babies and they are my loves .

I applaud anyone who wants to remarry and have found a new love .

I myself will continue on . I do miss my husband each day . We had a good marraige , not perfect .

I think that he wasted your time . I am sorry for you , but you will survive . 

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,389
Registered: ‎11-22-2013

@Goodie2shoes I think this ended the way it should after 4 years.  She needs to find herself and figure out what she truly wants and what will make her happy.  There is more than one fish in the ocean and she will eventually "catch"the right one.  Just be there for your friend and let her vent.  2021 is a new year and a new beginning for her too.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 538
Registered: ‎12-30-2019

@Isobel Archer This happened to a lady that came to our shop. She took good care of him when he was so sick!

He died. She didn't even get a yr.More like when you can find a place m

Nicest lady she would always bake us something. I'm sure she was just as nice to his kids.Had to hurt her feelings & still mourning lost of him.They were in their 80's.

 

Wonder if they ever rethink how they did her? 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 29,025
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Be happy for her because she dodged a bullet (so to speak).

 

What if they'd moved in together or got married and THEN he felt 'trapped'?  That would have been worse.

 

I say, "Good for her that she said basically, Put up or shut up".

 

Whatever you do, I don't think you should bad mouth him.  Why?  Well, if they've been together for that long...odds are they'll end up together.

 

It happens in marriages too.  A wise person is there for their friend but as hard as it is, I would not bad mouth him....just listen and be a friend.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,476
Registered: ‎09-22-2010

Re: What should she do?

[ Edited ]

He likes his space and the thought of being with her 24/7 was too much.  Too much time together and too much of a commitment.  I don't blame him.  The last thing I want to do is to share my space with a man.  Not only that, maybe he was seeing other people.  You can live separately and have separate lives.  Living together makes it more permanent.  There's no place to call your own.  She may have been blindsided, but trust me, if he ended the relationship that suddenly, he had been thinking about it before the subjects of living together or marriage came up.  This was just the impetus to end the relationship.    

 

 

What should she do?  What could she do?  Nothing.  Concentrate on herself, healing, move on.    

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,414
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

After re-reading  the OP I don't blame him for ending it. Saying they should think about getting a place together or getting married next year...was presumptuous and then some. Obviously, he was the one blindsided. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,596
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Nataliesgramma wrote:

Well...around here there are more single women than single men in this age group...

 

I think the men realize they don't need to commit. The women are happy to come over, clean his house and cook for him.....the men eat it up...

 

I don't know if it is for a need of male companionship or to supplement their income......it is both sad and funny.....


     What?  If women of any age are cleaning his house and cooking for him, they deserve what they get.  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,305
Registered: ‎02-19-2014

I think it's bizarre to insist that someone who just got dumped should not crumble, male or female. It's hard being rejected. The OP said the lady was blindsided and her heart was broken. When you lose a serious relationship, if it doesn't hurt at least a little, it wasn't very valuable to you.

 

The OP needs to be there for her friend. The guy is irrelevant at the moment since he is no longer in the friend's life. If he comes back, I'm sure the OP will be happy for her friend (with natural reservations about it possibly happening again) that they've reunited.

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr