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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,198
Registered: ‎04-30-2012

A friend of mine is having a hard time this holiday season and I am lost for words to tell her.  She was in a relationship  for 4 years up until the first week of November when her guy just ended the relationship simply because she mentioned they think. about getting a place together or considering marriage in the fall of next year.  They were such a cute couple and always seemed very happy. I feel so bad for her, she was blindsided, had no clue this was coming.  I know time will heal her broken heart. Another sad 2020 story. I do hope 2021 is a better year

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,185
Registered: ‎06-08-2020

I don't think she should do anything. She found out that they both had very different ideas of where the relationship was going. She obviously needed more, he was content as it was. Too bad it took 4 years for her to realize this wasn't what she wanted. I am curious of the ages of this particular couple.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,170
Registered: ‎11-24-2013

@Goodie2shoes There is nothing you can say that will comfort her, except that you are sorry she is so sad. She needs time to mourn the end of a long relationship.

 

I'm surprised it took 4 years for her to realize he didn't want to cohabit or marry. There are usually telling signals along the way.

 

I'm also curious about the age of the couple.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,330
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Never one to clutch my pearls, my advice?

 

Fastest way to get over one man is to, uh, er....get with another 😁

 

My Gram used to say, "oh honey, men are like streetcars. You miss one, the next one be along in about 20 minutes".

 

Dry the tears and tell him thanks for being up front. While I have no problems with FWB, if your friend wants a future and he's not up for it, don't waste your time.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 825
Registered: ‎07-02-2014

A few years ago ,my girlfriend was involved in a relationship and a similar incident occurred. They had been dating for three years, he was considered a member of their family. Her grown children liked him. She decided to ask where he thought their relationship was headed. He immediately broke up with her. She was devastated, as that's not what she expected him to say. How do you stay in someone's life , knowing they care more than you do and it won't be forever? 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,879
Registered: ‎08-19-2014

Re: What should she do?

[ Edited ]

 Your friend needs time to heal.That being said, they were only together 4 years. It's good that she learned that they didn't have common values now rather than later. Although, I wonder why it took 4 years.

  Eventually, she will be ready to dip her toe back in the water. Meanwhile, don't push her. She needs time & space & a friend who understands.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,843
Registered: ‎05-15-2016

How awful. The silver lining is she isn't wasting more of her life with a guy who isn't interested in progressing the relationship to permanency if that's what she wants. It much harder with the virus going on  because people aren't out and about as much and being at home where it would be easier to dwell on. She can do better and she's worth it and deserves love. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 36,671
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

what should she do?

 

 

 

she should move on and hopefully realize that no woman HAS to have a man, especially a man who is not on the same path as she is. she should learn to be happy and single for a while.....then take it from there.

**********************************************
"I would prefer even to to fail with honor than win by cheating." - Sophocles
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,198
Registered: ‎04-30-2012

@Love my grandkidswrote:

I'm surprised it took 4 years for her to realize he didn't want to cohabit or marry. There are usually telling signals along the way.

 

I'm also curious about the age of the couple.

 

They are in their mid sixties

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,198
Registered: ‎04-30-2012

I think she thought at their age of 65  he would be ready to settle down and not play games. They traveled, her family loved him and they seemed meant for each other.