Re: WHAT PLANS HAVE YOU MADE FOR YOUR MOM FOR MOTH... - Page 12

Irshgrl31201 · ‎03-18-2010

@NycVixen wrote:
@Shanus wrote:
@NycVixen. That's sad for you that you keep trying to get her love & acceptance although it's not available to you.

Hi @Shanus. It is really sad. Last year, I told myself once again maybe if I do something expensive she will really appreciate it. Didn't work because money is not the problem. I've tried so many things but last year I finally accepted that the mother I long for and need, I will never get.

The saddest part is how I'm the only person in this world who still cares for her but she only seems to care about herself.

Didn't go to my H.S. graduation, didn't meet my husband for 4 years before we were married, didn't baptize me when I was child and didn't attend my own confirmation I arranged after being baptized for my church wedding. Threw a fit at my wedding, didn't talk to me for a year after I got married for petty reasons and didn't attend my graduate graduation. Blamed me for my miscarriage.

And this is just a summary of some of the most egregious things. I don't want to hijack this thread. The direct title really made me realize I can't make plans when I should be able to.

It's important to point out Mother's Day is not an easy, happy day for all of us for numerous reasons. For those that relate, I empathize. The acceptance I couldn't get from her I finally gave to myself; accepting it's not my fault and that I am worthy.

I hope everyone has a great Mother's Day.

I can't wait for the day I am finally a mother so I can give all my love and focus on being the best mother I can be. I am thankful that God made me a loving person; "like a dandelion up through the pavement, I persist" - Wentworth Miller.

@NycVixen, I am so sorry. No child deserves that but it sounds like this has nothing at all to do with you and everything to do with her. A person like the one you described can't possibly be happy at all and I suspect something really bad happened to her that left her not being able to be a loving mother or perhaps mental illness. It most definitely has nothing to do with you. You have certainly did all you could.

The fact that you said you seem to be the only person who still cares for her says it all.

I believe in my heart that even though this type of treatment and rejection can be so painful and traumatizing that she probably did you a favor as your life may have been a great deal worse and chaotic if she were constantly in it with the type of dysfunction she had.

I do believe that you will be a wonderful mother and your future children will be so lucky to have a mom as lucky as you.

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
JFK

Irshgrl31201 · ‎03-18-2010

@Noel7 wrote:
@Irshgrl31201 wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
My mother died too young, right after I'd had a daughter. My Mom and I were very close, I was devastated.

I continue to celebrate her with photos, stories to my daughter about her, and some of her favorite recipes.

I'm the Mom now and so blessed to have the same kind of relationship with my daughter. We are very close, I am so lucky. I watch her face when I am in the hospital battling lupus, I know what she fears, and I weep for her that I will not be there to comfort her.
Oh wow, I didn't know that about you. There is never a great time to lose a parent but to lose one right after the birth of you daughter, that is so devastating. Sorry to hear that.

Sounds like a lovely tradition you have celebrating your moms life. I do the same with my dad. He died when I was young too. I was 20. We were very close as well.

You are blessed to have that same close relationship @Noel7. I feel the same way regarding my relationship with my daughter. We are both pretty lucky when it comes to that.

Hope your health is better.
@Irshgrl31201

It was a tough time then physically, including the Cesarean, my spleen rupturing and getting mononucleosis... but we made it

Thank you for your good wishes @Irshgrl31201 I hope you are well, I've missed you being around more often.

Happy Mother's Day to you!

Oh wow, you have really been through the ringer!

I had a very close friend who died several weeks ago. He lived in Boston so I went up there with his sister to help her with the arrangements, services and to clean out his apt. and then my husband and I spent some time at the beach without our phones or computers. I needed a little break. It came as quite a shock. He was the sound technician for a band called the Dropkick Murphys and injured his hand while working and developed MRSA. He died of sepsis. It has just been really tough. He was supposed to be coming down to visit me here and we were going to stay at the beach. He had been diagnosed with early onset alzheimer's and had really started to deteriorate mentally with paranoia and just general personality changes and I was planning on taking some time off and just spending it with him at the beach so he could relax. He was finishing up his last week of work when this occurred. He was a big guy, 6'6" covered in tattoos and looked so menacing but he was the biggest teddy bear in the world. Would give the shirt off of his back for anyone. He will truly be missed.

Sorry, I am just having a really hard time with how this all went down. Being his last week before he retired for good and this freak accident and everything really. I see so many truly selfish people who live so long and make so many others miserable and then a guy like this who everyone loved and this happens.

Anyway, you have a great Mothers Day too @Noel7!!

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
JFK

NycVixen · ‎10-15-2010

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:
@NycVixen I've been married for 13 years.
My "mother" has yet to meet my husband.

No interest on her part.

@YorkieonmyPillow I'm so sorry to hear that. My dad still hasn't met him. For some reason he thinks he's an authority on choosing a partner when he wasn't a good husband and didn't even raise me.

I think one of the biggest issues facing humanity is definitely mental illness but particularly obscene selfishness. And with this selfie society it's getting worse. Both my dad and my mom were like your partner is not good enough for us not even not he's not good enough for you.

It was never about me and I suspect that may apply in your case. Your mom perhaps doesn't think of how that impacts your marriage and you as a person and how as a parent she has a duty to meet your partner; to be there, to show up. and meet the person. It's the least they can do.

~Live with Intention~

NycVixen · ‎10-15-2010

@Irshgrl31201 wrote:
@NycVixen wrote:
@Shanus wrote:
@NycVixen. That's sad for you that you keep trying to get her love & acceptance although it's not available to you.

Hi @Shanus. It is really sad. Last year, I told myself once again maybe if I do something expensive she will really appreciate it. Didn't work because money is not the problem. I've tried so many things but last year I finally accepted that the mother I long for and need, I will never get.

The saddest part is how I'm the only person in this world who still cares for her but she only seems to care about herself.

Didn't go to my H.S. graduation, didn't meet my husband for 4 years before we were married, didn't baptize me when I was child and didn't attend my own confirmation I arranged after being baptized for my church wedding. Threw a fit at my wedding, didn't talk to me for a year after I got married for petty reasons and didn't attend my graduate graduation. Blamed me for my miscarriage.

And this is just a summary of some of the most egregious things. I don't want to hijack this thread. The direct title really made me realize I can't make plans when I should be able to.

It's important to point out Mother's Day is not an easy, happy day for all of us for numerous reasons. For those that relate, I empathize. The acceptance I couldn't get from her I finally gave to myself; accepting it's not my fault and that I am worthy.

I hope everyone has a great Mother's Day.

I can't wait for the day I am finally a mother so I can give all my love and focus on being the best mother I can be. I am thankful that God made me a loving person; "like a dandelion up through the pavement, I persist" - Wentworth Miller.

@NycVixen, I am so sorry. No child deserves that but it sounds like this has nothing at all to do with you and everything to do with her. A person like the one you described can't possibly be happy at all and I suspect something really bad happened to her that left her not being able to be a loving mother or perhaps mental illness. It most definitely has nothing to do with you. You have certainly did all you could.

The fact that you said you seem to be the only person who still cares for her says it all.

I believe in my heart that even though this type of treatment and rejection can be so painful and traumatizing that she probably did you a favor as your life may have been a great deal worse and chaotic if she were constantly in it with the type of dysfunction she had.

I do believe that you will be a wonderful mother and your future children will be so lucky to have a mom as lucky as you.

@Irshgrl31201 Many thanks for your empathy. It's true that she did go through a lot. However, she has a clear preference for my sibling and has been much more loving in certain ways even though my mother is continuously rejected and mistreated. It's like that story of the two sons. One blows his father's inheritance and leaves and the other stays by his father's side for years helping him. Then when the irresponsible son comes back without a penny the father throws a party for him. The other son asks his father, why you've never done that for me, I've been here all these years.

Her preferential treatment shows me that when she wants to she can give her heart but for some reason she rather give it to the person that doesn't want it in the least. Mental illness is most likely involved but I can see that she has the capacity to pick and choose and she continually chooses my sibling.

My sibling was baptized, she went to her wedding and was supportive and has been there for her financially when she lost her job among so many things. I was forced by my mother to give the little I had to my sibling to help pay for diapers when I lost my job when she was visiting with her husband and children when I was a young adult.

So, it's clear this is a clear case of extreme neglect for one child and not the other. Maybe it stems somewhat from the fact she wanted a son when I was born and didn't even think of a name for a girl until 3 days after I was born. From there, it just got worse.

The fact that I have been given the ability to synthesize these facts and to understand them has saved me from repeating the vicious cycle that is often neglect and certain forms of child abuse I may have experienced. I'm thankful everyday for that, especially when I see how the preferential treatment of my sibling didn't help but lead to an exacerbation of a dysfunctional upbringing.

We can't choose our parents but hopefully we are given the faculties to lead healthy lives and have a normal loving family of our own. I believe that I am the lucky one. I moved and while I'm still dealing with the aftermath, I survived.

~Live with Intention~