Community Chat

[dulwich]

For the past 3 years DH and I have been invited to share Thanksgiving dinner with a neighbor and her family.  8 of us in total.

Over the years I have taken wine, champagne, made appetizers, pairs etc.  but find that none of this us necessary and we are given them back to take home as everything is there so my neighbor said do not worry about bringing food, drinks, we have plenty - and indeed they do.

They have invited us again this year so I thought maybe giving them a gift certificate from a grocery store saying this would go toward the cost of the meal -  already offered to buy and cook turkey but again rejected.

What are your opinions Ladies - I thought maybe a $50 or $100 voucher which they can use whenever or is this insulting?  Thanks for input.

[sunshine45]

sounds like a good time for some fresh flowers in a pretty vase.

[nyc1]

A beautiful plant? A nice gift for the hostess (hand lotion)?

I think bringing wine is very nice.

I would shy away from a gift cert.  As nice a gesture as it is, I think it could be read the wrong way.

[SahmIam]

If you insist on bringing them something, do a GC to a restaurant they like. That way, they can enjoy being the "guests" on their own time. 

Personally, if I don't want extra brought to the meal and I tell the people that (or keep giving it back to them), I would wonder why they keep bringing stuff each year.  It's a nice gesture but the point has been made it's not wanted or needed. When I invite people to dinner, I don't expect or want anything in return other than perhaps an invite to their home for dinner some time. But that's me.

[jackthebear]

@dulwich

your neighbor is inviting you to dinner and is preparing everything,  giving a gift card is a bit like paying for your meal as kind-hearted as it is.

What I would do is send a floral centerpiece the day before, and followup with a thank you note the next  for the lovely dinner etc 

I am hosting dinner next week and have the menu set, so if a guest brings something extra is sort of upsets everything,  I would love flowers, and white wine is always JTB's favorite 

ETA 

they want your company so you must be wonderful guests 

[Bri36]

I would have a Thanksgiving centerpiece delivered so she can use it on the table.

[Plaid Pants2]

I would just show up.

If I brought anything, it would be flowers.

Or, here's a thought, don't take anything, but afterwards, send her a nice hand written thank-you note, thanking her for the dinner, and what a pleasant time you had.

[Sheilaray]

This is a tricky one.  Some people are very fussy about their "tablescapes " and if she does this every year, she most like has a plan for her centerpiece.  She might even be giving you hints that she doesn't want anything since she sends it back home with you. And I agree that a gift certificate does seem like you are trying to pay for your meal.

I personally have never liked fresh flowers as a hostess gift, especially if not arranged. I feel as though I need to drop everything and deal with the flowers, arranging, finding a vase, finding a spot for them, etc. Tough when hostessing and under pressure.

What about some forward thinking  and bringing a nice balsam wreath for their door? They can put it aside and put it out the next day?

[CANDLEQUEEN]

I think the suggestion of Fresh Flowers, or a Fall Centerpiece is a nice idea, also maybe a nice Fall Candle if you know that they like candles.......

[alicedee]

Since your hostess has made it clear she doesn't need or expect you to bring anything, I would just come, be gracious, offer to help clear up afterward.

Then...perhaps a couple weeks before Christmas when things can be hectic for everyone...invite her out for breakfast or lunch as your guest.  Or even do it in January or February when things are dull and quiet.