Community Chat

[dmod nj]

Maybe make a donation, in their names, to a local food bank.  You can write where you made the donation in a card, mailed to the house, prior to dinner. 

[faeriemoon]

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@blackhole99 wrote:

My MIL and I tolerated each other for her son's sake, but she would throw a zinger in there once in awhile. I invited her and my FIL to dinner one time and found a 20 dollar bill on the table after they left. I asked my husband if it was his and of course it wasn't, so I thought maybe my FIL or MIL might be missing it. As it turned out, my MIL enjoyed the meal so much and knew a lot of work went into it and thought she would leave me a tip. I was insulted, I thought she just should have told me how much she enjoyed the meal. I never mentioned it, but she knew I was insulted and never did it again. When I invite someone to dinner I am inviting them to come and enjoy themselves and sample my cooking. If they ask me if they should bring something, I'll say just yourself, and I mean it. I look at it like, people who feel a need to bring something really do not want to accept the hosts hospitality and think they are getting something for nothing and don't want to owe the host anything. Perceived or real. JMO.

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As someone who had a rather strained relationship with the MIL, this cracked me up.

[viva923]

for me this is tricky problem here.

if you bring something it is not used, if you don't bring something they might think you are not appreciateing their friendliness. 

Was reading some of replies. 

I like flowers, or have a centerpiece delivered for table.

I also like your grocery voucher. For me, the voucher would be much appreciated.

[gidgetgh]

I’m a pretty straight forward person and I like simple. 

Your friend wants you to come and apparently doesn’t want you to bring ANYTHING. So don’t.  There. Done. 

Go, eat, thank them sincerely as you leave. Go home and put on your jammies and relax for the evening and before you know it, the holiday will be over. 

[GenXmuse]

Many people (well, not me) May have arrangements they are planning to use already or a centerpiece they like that goes with their dishes or tablecloth so I would have flowers delivered after as a thank you and/or lovely, thoughtful thank you note. 

[Lyttlewyng]

A Thank You card is sufficient.
After past invitations asking you not to bring anything and you insist on doing the opposite, makes it awkward for your hostess.  Accept her kind gesture graciously and enjoy the dinner with good friends.  Compliment her cooking and decor with sincerity.   Kind words are just as valuable as a gift.

[Plaid Pants2]

If/when I invite someone over for dinner, and I say don't bring anything, I mean it!

Don't. Bring. Anything!

Why people choose to ignore the request, is beyond me.

In my opinion, when the guest blatantly ignores that request, then that guest is making it all about them, and the host's wishes doesn't matter.

It's just another form of entitlement.

A voucher for a grocery store?

Are you kidding me with that?

Seriously?

That's insulting!

That's saying, "You can't afford to buy all of this food, so let me help you out with that."

Just go empty handed.

Your presence is gift enough.

[goldensrbest]

If she likes candles,perhaps a nice one?

[dulwich]

Thank you Ladies for all your opinions.  I should clarify in the U.K. where we lived - and where I am from - you always took a gift when you were invited to someone's home for dinner - hence my feeling not to go empty handed, just does not feel right to me.

Solution to my "problem" - I have purchased card, written a poem of thanks to hosts and included several dates when DH and I can take them out to dinner at a nice restaurant here in our town.

[cherry]

@dulwich  the perfect solution. I am sure they will be touched, and thrilled. I know I would be