Community Chat

[Plaid Pants2]

It's weird that I have this dichotomy inside of me.

A part of me doesn't want anybody else to live there, and the other part of me doesn't want to see the house go un-loved.

I know. 

I'm weird.

[Tinkrbl44]

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

It's weird that I have this dichotomy inside of me.

A part of me doesn't want anybody else to live there, and the other part of me doesn't want to see the house go un-loved.

I know. 

I'm weird.

---

Nah .... feelings don't always make sense.

[Mominohio]

I totally understand. My great aunt and uncle passed a couple of years ago. They were living in a condo at the time, and had been there perhaps a decade or so.

Prior to that, they owned only two homes. One, was a beautiful brick built in the 1920's or before and I so loved that home. They sold it and bought right on the shore of Lake Erie, another fantasy type home. When they neared 80, they knew it was too much as well, then sold it and moved to the condo. 

The first two homes being gone make me sad, and I understand why. The architecture, the locations, the beauty, and the memories made in those homes, and them now being out of our lives makes me sad.

What I didn't expect was to mourn the loss of the condo. It wasn't in an area that I like, it wasn't anything special in design. Before they passed, it was just a place they lived (to me), but when they were gone, I felt like it was the last place we built memories, the last place we went knowing they were still in our lives. 

I kind of stalked it online when it was listed, and wished. For what I'm not sure. That I could buy it? Not really. That someone in the family would so we could still go there? Maybe. It did just make me sad, in a way I hadn't expected.

[spix]

Just another observation, have lived in my house for 50 yrs, all 4 children born here, they tell me I'll only move out feet first, ( lol) but interestingly, one of my sons has decided to buy it at that time, all the others are in agreement, they want it to stay in the family, so to speak, & I am happy with their decision, does make me feel good to think they have happy memories of growing up.

[qualitygal]

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

It's weird that I have this dichotomy inside of me.

A part of me doesn't want anybody else to live there, and the other part of me doesn't want to see the house go un-loved.

I know. 

I'm weird.

---

No, it's not that...can't explain it. Part of the reason I kept wanting to drive by (even though we'd sold it), for my parents sake, even tho not needed, I kind of wanted to be sure it (the house) was being taken care of. We took care of the folks and the house for many years. It was all part of the caregiving. Remember the house is a thing. No emotions, time to let someone else, who needs it, get it. Slowly but surely, you'll see.

[Plaid Pants2]

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@Mominohio wrote:

I totally understand. My great aunt and uncle passed a couple of years ago. They were living in a condo at the time, and had been there perhaps a decade or so.

Prior to that, they owned only two homes. One, was a beautiful brick built in the 1920's or before and I so loved that home. They sold it and bought right on the shore of Lake Erie, another fantasy type home. When they neared 80, they knew it was too much as well, then sold it and moved to the condo. 

The first two homes being gone make me sad, and I understand why. The architecture, the locations, the beauty, and the memories made in those homes, and them now being out of our lives makes me sad.

What I didn't expect was to mourn the loss of the condo. It wasn't in an area that I like, it wasn't anything special in design. Before they passed, it was just a place they lived (to me), but when they were gone, I felt like it was the last place we built memories, the last place we went knowing they were still in our lives. 

I kind of stalked it online when it was listed, and wished. For what I'm not sure. That I could buy it? Not really. That someone in the family would so we could still go there? Maybe. It did just make me sad, in a way I hadn't expected.

That's how I'm feeling.

I just hope that whoever buys it, gives it the love that it deserves, and are good to it.

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[Puppy Lips]

Your feelings are quite normal.  When we moved from Ohio to Florida in 2007, I had a really tough time leaving our home.  I know this is different, because this was my home that I raised my boys in, but the feelings of attachment were very strong.  We built the home, which makes it even stronger.  Someone to whom I was "whining" to about it said simply, "You take the memories with you."  I did just that, and after moving, had many dreams about the house for quite awhile.  For years when visiting family in Ohio, I did not drive by the house because I wanted to remember it as I left it and not see someone else in it.  About a year after we moved, it was up for sale again as the couple was going through a divorce.  I wanted to buy it back!  I think I am over that now.

I will be facing your senario soon as my elder parents still live in my childhood home.  Years ago they thought about moving and I wish they had.  Having to deal with their passings and selling the house will be a double whammy.  But I will have plenty of photos and take some video of the house, maybe with my narrating some memories of each room.  Hopefully with that, it will be easier to let it go and just move on.  The memories are what is important, not the sticks and stones.

[sabatini]

When I sold my home last year (built in the 1800s - a beauty), it was hard to let go, but then something occurred to me.

It really wasn't "our house". We had only passed through, and taken our turn within its walls..

Now, it was someone else's turn.

[chickenbutt]

I don't tend to be very sentimental at all.  My husband, OTOH, is the sentimental one.

Maybe, for me, it was more about growing up without nurturing or bonding with humans that made me more clinical and logical minded.  Not saying that's a good thing, for sure, but it probably explains a lot about me.

I hope you can work through your attachment to the house and maybe be able to concentrate on the good times for exactly what they were - not the house or any other tangible, but the people and the bonds.  The house was just there.     (FWIW)

[ChynnaBlue]

No. My parents live in the same house they bought when I was in third grade, so I don't have any experience of them living in a house I didn't live in. I may after my dad finally sells his company and retires.