Re: RE: Terminal Illness - Would you want to hear ... - Page 9

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

@Ms X wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
My doctor pulled no punches. I had a heart attack ten days ago. There was a delay to the Cath lab until Monday where I was transported to a major hospital had 3 stents and a balloon. I am now in heart failure/congestive heart failure all because of the delay. I was put on aspirin, drugs and morphine but time is muscle and the damage was already done by the time I got to the other hospital and got the procedure.

I went from an active woman loving life to someone that can't walk 3 feet without becoming breathless. The prognosis he claims is guarded. Stage 3 is very scary but I need to know my future. So yes, the truth allows me to celebrate life and appreciate every day.
I hope your rehab goes well, Trinity. It doesn't hurt to get a second opinion. My mother is alive today because she was in a hospital waiting for Monday when my doctor sister called a cardiac surgeon she knew on his cell. He was at the mall and went directly to her hospital. My mother was transferred and got the angioplasty that weekend. Look at the former vice president, ****** Cheney. He had his first heart attack at 39 and is now I think in his 70s. I wish you all the best. Don't give up.

****** Cheney is a product of modern medicine at its best. He has suffered five heart attacks, undergone open heart surgery, multiple catheterizations and angioplasties, had a defibrillator implanted, and a pump attached directly to his heart -- all of that before his transplant at age 71.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I want the truth. What is the sense of lying to oneself, and possibly putting off things you want/need to do, only to be 'surprised' when you end up without the time or the health to get them done?

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

I accept death will come within the next several years. I am 78 and not healthy, have many diseases and disabilities that increase in severity every year.

As I accept it, I am not saying I do not fear it. I imagine whatever we were before we were born, is what we will be after we die. Nonexistent.

I am a secularist and do not believe in life after death.

I will mention that my dear mother was a secularist and died of lung cancer with total acceptance at age 49.

My former MIL, who was so Catholic she was ordained to give communion, and preached constantly and judged everyone all the time on the basis of their "faith," developed pancreatic cancer and practically lost her mind out of fear. I don't understand how someone so convinced of an afterlife could have been so fearful of death.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

MyGirlsMom · ‎03-09-2010

The episode was about terminal patients and their relationships with their doctors - they already know their health is in bad shape.

For some, they wanted to hold on to one more thing..hope...while others resigned themselves to the fact that death was imminent.

If I knew I was in a terminal state I would live everyday like there would be a tomorrow , I just don't want to know if it's going to be soon or real soon.

Keep Your Face To The Sunshine and You Will Not See The Shadow

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

@Marp wrote:
@Annabellethecat66 wrote:
I have two sisters and two nieces who are RN's. They've all worked in Intensive Care, Emergency rooms, MedStar (where people are helicoptered in, etc).

They all said they'd want to know. That started me thinking. I'd definitely want to know. My late husband dropped dead in front of me. He'd been in perfect shape. They never found out what caused him to die.He was 58 years old.

My brother's girlfriend was way younger than him (in her early 50's). She died driving him down the road, just stopped talking and the car started drifting. When he pulled her out of the car, she was gone. I don't know what she died from but she hadn't been ill.

When your time comes, it comes, plain and simple, sometimes no matter what you do.

There are a lot of things I know my late husband would have planned to do if he'd had time. He wouldn't have wanted to know because he was always afraid of dying. (A lot of people are).

I'm not and I've never been, I, like most people, just wouldn't want it to last a long time. I'm sure everyone might feel like that. Mainly I wouldn't want my family to suffer.

My sister (the RN) worked for about 2 years in a Hospice. She said it was the most rewarding job she'd had. She said (unlike most people think) it was sad and dreary. I used to crochet blankets to keep there for people. They were bright and cheerful.

We start dying from the minute we are conceived. It's the one sure thing in life. So, to summarize, yes, I'd definitely want to know. I'd like to write letters to my loved ones and get things in order. I'd also like it to be quick though. Ha!
I absolutely do not mean this to be snarky. Why wait until you are told you are dying to write those letters? I wrote a from the heart letter to my great aunt about two years before she passed and I can't begin to tell you how much it meant to her not only to have an expression of how much she meant to me but also the opportunity to share even closer experiences during the time she had left.

I also make it a practice to periodically make I love you phone calls to friends and family that mean a great deal to me. I feel better knowing they know how important they are to me and they feel good having been told.

I agree. My will has been done since my 50s, all letters written, all things explained, life insurance in order, and they know I want to be cremated. We all do in our family. And I try to express my love every day, not in words, but in deeds and feelings. Since I am alone so much, I rather imagine I will die alone, unless they know it's coming.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

software · ‎06-08-2016

Sometimes treatment is not about a cure, but about quality of life. The 2 scenarios are not the only 2. Doctors are sometimes wrong. Even though diagnosed as terminal, you can still choose to have medical care and not just go home to die with pain meds or oxygen only or whatever is appropriate.

Getting a diagnosis of terminal from a doctor is not time to go home to die. As long as you are alive, breathing, seeing, there is hope. What if the doctor is wrong? What if you have a year to live? A year can be a very long time.

But when the treatment becomes worse than the disease, you can choose to forego active treatment & go to pallative care.

I want to know the truth about my condition.

And as much as I can, I want to make all my medical decisions

@MyGirlsMom wrote:
I watched a Frontline episode last night entitled: Being Mortal

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/article/as-real-as-it-gets-inside-the-making-of-being-mortal/

It was a close up look at terminal patients and their doctors. Some doctors felt like they never wanted their patients to lose hope, so they tried one more medicine..one more study, etc.

There were patients who knew their days were numbered and wanted to leave hospice and die at home.

I just discussed this with my husband, I don't want to know if "my time" is limited..yes, please lie to me. He feels just the opposite.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@LilacTree wrote:
@Marp wrote:
@Annabellethecat66 wrote:
I have two sisters and two nieces who are RN's. They've all worked in Intensive Care, Emergency rooms, MedStar (where people are helicoptered in, etc).

They all said they'd want to know. That started me thinking. I'd definitely want to know. My late husband dropped dead in front of me. He'd been in perfect shape. They never found out what caused him to die.He was 58 years old.

My brother's girlfriend was way younger than him (in her early 50's). She died driving him down the road, just stopped talking and the car started drifting. When he pulled her out of the car, she was gone. I don't know what she died from but she hadn't been ill.

When your time comes, it comes, plain and simple, sometimes no matter what you do.

There are a lot of things I know my late husband would have planned to do if he'd had time. He wouldn't have wanted to know because he was always afraid of dying. (A lot of people are).

I'm not and I've never been, I, like most people, just wouldn't want it to last a long time. I'm sure everyone might feel like that. Mainly I wouldn't want my family to suffer.

My sister (the RN) worked for about 2 years in a Hospice. She said it was the most rewarding job she'd had. She said (unlike most people think) it was sad and dreary. I used to crochet blankets to keep there for people. They were bright and cheerful.

We start dying from the minute we are conceived. It's the one sure thing in life. So, to summarize, yes, I'd definitely want to know. I'd like to write letters to my loved ones and get things in order. I'd also like it to be quick though. Ha!
I absolutely do not mean this to be snarky. Why wait until you are told you are dying to write those letters? I wrote a from the heart letter to my great aunt about two years before she passed and I can't begin to tell you how much it meant to her not only to have an expression of how much she meant to me but also the opportunity to share even closer experiences during the time she had left.

I also make it a practice to periodically make I love you phone calls to friends and family that mean a great deal to me. I feel better knowing they know how important they are to me and they feel good having been told.
I agree. My will has been done since my 50s, all letters written, all things explained, life insurance in order, and they know I want to be cremated. We all do in our family. And I try to express my love every day, not in words, but in deeds and feelings. Since I am alone so much, I rather imagine I will die alone, unless they know it's coming.

This is the greatest gift you can give to your family, having everything in order.

SahmIam · ‎04-16-2010

Yes. A person can NOT make the right choices without all the facts and not telling a patient the truth is wrong. Plus, many patients KNOW something is off... their body is telling such. To deny it is to call them a liar and honestly? THat TICKS ME OFF. How DARE you imply that the patient is not capable of handling the truth about their illness/condition. Who deemed YOU Doctor Know-it-all the role of playing GOD?

Don't get me started on this....I see if first hand and I've gone off one to many times on a doctor for being less than straight with me.

MyGirlsMom · ‎03-09-2010

Young or old, everyone should have their 'affairs in order'. Have your wishes known and definitely put them down in writing.

Keep Your Face To The Sunshine and You Will Not See The Shadow

fortune · ‎03-14-2010

Since death is a part of life, and we all are going to die, why not do the things you really want to do now--or make a bucket list, and check them off. Also, we should tell our loved ones how much they mean to us now. If there is someone in your life that you need to apologize to, do it now.