Question regarding manners with adults

Karen2722 · ‎11-02-2016

I have been a long time viewer of QVC and enjoy reading the different forums - I'm always learning something new! ☺ This is my first post! ☺☺

I am interested in getting feedback on two sticky situations I have encountered with my mother in law recently (she is in her late 60s - I'm in my mid 40s). During 2 different family events she was sitting across from me at the dining room table and burps without covering her mouth or excusing herself. The smell inevitably wafts across the table toward me and I literally gag (sorry for the detail but it is digusting!!). I was raised with manners - please, thank you, excusing yourself, etc. I'm not sure how to handle this.. Do I call her out on it when it happens? Ask my husband to switch seats with me (my sister in law loves assigned seating). Say nothing? We have birthday parties and my nephew's First Communion coming in May so I would like some ideas before I see her again.

Also - during these past 2 events - my mother in law has stared at me for a few minutes at a time which makes me very uncomfortable. She hasn't done it once - she stares - looks away and a few minutes later will look back at me and start staring again.

I don't know how to explain it well but it's not the causal looking at someone when you are talking with them. She is silent and will just stare at me - starting at my head and work downwards. I've gotten a few suggestions - wink, wave, get up and move to another room, get up and ask her if she needs anything, etc. This is relatively new but has happened the past 2 times I've seen her.

Unfortunately, my mother in law has been a challenge to interact with since the day I met her and I could go on for pages about her behavior but at the end of the day she is my husband's mother!

Thank you in advance for your ideas and sorry for a long post!

Cakers3 · ‎06-17-2015

You indicated that the burping and staring is recent. This sounds as though she may beginning to experience some type of dementia perhaps. Since you are sitting directly across from her you are getting the behavior directly.

It would be interesting to see if she exhibits the same behavior if the seating arrangement chaned.

Do you speak to her at all when she stares and does she respond?

Since I am reading that this is new behavior, something is going on with her that may not have anything to do with you. And I'm sure other people are aware of the burp and its effects. The burp wouldn't just flow to you directly.

Are there other new behaviors? Late 60's isn't that old but it sounds as though something physical/mental is happening to her.

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh

kaydee50 · ‎02-07-2011

Maybe the onset of dementia?? Does she stare at only you or do others get the same treatment? When my SIL was in a nursing home and we would visit her she would stare at me. Sometimes I think she didn't know exactly who I was. Bottom line--what do others in the family say about her behavior??

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

Speak to your husband.You’re his wife.Your feelings need to be taken seriously.Frankly,you should have addressed the matter sooner.Tell your husband that you need his help & understanding in navigating the situation.He needs to talk to his mother.Tell him you don’t want to sit next to your MIL anymore etc.

Yardlie · ‎03-10-2010

@Karen2722 ... I would try to avoid embarrassing the person and steer the conversation to a new topic.

As far as your MIL staring at you goes, maybe you can sit on the same side of the table as her...with someone in between you and her. Have you discussed this situation with your husband?

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli

Shop Till you Drop · ‎03-10-2010

Just leave it alone. Her manners are her issue. And if she stares, just smile and continue with what you are doing. Do not play into her. Just my two cents.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Oh Karen, you're so lucky. Your MIL is looking at you and talking in her head. She's looking at this beautiful woman that HER SON chose. She's drinking in all she can on you. She's admiring you.

On where to set, try asking the hostess if you can set next to so and so, that you haven't visited with in a long time. Casually see who is setting where. If you go into any explanation about your MIL, it will get back to her and hurt her feelings. Or turn your head when she burps, cover your nose/mouth with your napkin.

Go easy, you may have a few more years to go through this.

VanSleepy · ‎10-05-2010

I can't believe your husband or her daughter don't say anything to her when she burps at the table. Is it one that slips out or multiple burping throughout the meal? Maybe she has a digestion problem that causes it. (Still should say excuse me!) I'd ask my husband what's up with his mother's burping.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

The woman obviously is rude and needs some etiquette lessons but honestly, there's nothing you can or SHOULD say about the belching or the staring. You said you don't get along and everyone in the family knows that so if bring up these things it will only come across as something trivial and you are picking on the woman. She could have medical reasons for the belching and that's her business. I would think her failure to cover her mouth and then excuse herself to those around her is just who she is. She's irritating you so perhaps she really isn't staring at you but perhaps she is. Either way, there's nothing you can do about it except keep away from her as much as possible. Don't say anything to your husband. He can't do anything about these things, complaining to him will only irritate him.