Community Chat

[suzyQ3]

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@Tyak wrote:

Considering her age, I think she's probably experiencing medical issues although I don't have a clue what it might be.  

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@Tyak, why would you think this? I mean, I think she should have have just ignored him, but her acting out on social media doesn't seem strange enough to me to consider her to be unhealthy in some way.

If anything, I would be concerned about this man, who seems very naive as to the dating world today.

[VanSleepy]

Lol @suzyQ3.  Wrong thread 

[suzyQ3]

Hahahahaha...thanks, @VanSleepy and my apologies to @Tyak.

I was going back and forth between this one and the date one; and really, aren't they both about manners in some way?

At least, that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.

[faeriemoon]

I never managed to achieve any kind of balance with that mother in law dynamic.  What a challenge that is!!

[viva923]

i too am under the same assumption, this sounds like it may be the onset of dementia. was she always this way or is this new unusual behavior she has just begun.

I would ask that her son sit directly across from her and I would sit on same side of table as the mom in law so no more staring.

I also would talk to husband about this very upsetting behavior that his mom in law is showing towards the wife. 

[Marp]

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@Karen2722 wrote:

Thank you for all of your replies!

To be honest - I never thought about the dementia angle - something to consider.

No - I haven't said anything to my husband (he is a tax accountant) about the burping / staring because the last incident happened right before tax season began and he has been so busy I didn't think it was good timing.  Now that tax season will be over (yay! today is filing day) I've been debating whether or not to say something.

When I have mentioned concerns in the past to my husband about his Mom he tells me he is "just use to it" - that is how he grew up and how his family is.  I think there is a part of him that may be embarrassed but what can he do about it?  Believe me - I get it - you can't change another person and his Mom won't suddenly grow manners if she never had them!  All of your responses have given me things to think about...

Thank you again for your thoughts!  ☺

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@Karen2722,what is your relationship with your SIL like?  If you are close, or at least friendly, perhaps in a very concerned voice mention your MIL's burping and the smell and ask SIL if there is something going on with your MIL's health that you and your husband should be concerned about.

The staring is another situation all together.  As others have asked does she only do this to you or does she also stare at others.  Also, if the staring occurs after the burp she may be doing it checking your reaction.

[Marienkaefer2]

Forgive me if this has already been asked. I looked at all the posts and didn't see that it was.

Has she always burped at the table?

Has she always stared at you like this?

If not, then I fall on the side that something medical is going on...like early onset Alzheimer's or some kind of dementia.

Your husband said "she's always been like this" so maybe that means, she's always been "difficult?"

In the case of a difficult person, people often dismiss odd behaviors, attributing them to the person's oddities.

But unless she's always been the kind of person to display vulgar table manners, I think you need to consider the fact that something else is going on.

Don't take it personal.  If it were my husband, I'd definitely talk to him and have him approach the subject with his family.  

[reiki604]

I would have asked her "Mom, I saw you having some digestion problems, are you ok?" I wouldn't immediately jump on the dementia train without some real  issues. I also don't know why people have such an aversion to facing an issue head on.

[Trinity11]

Unfortunately, my mother in law has been a challenge to interact with since the day I met her and I could go on for pages about her behavior but at the end of the day she is my husband's mother!

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I am kind of surprised it hasn't occurred to you that Mama In Law isn't a calculating ___ and she is trying to get a rise out of you. Stare back and when she burps laugh out loud.

Set the record straight that you get what she is doing. Avoid getting anyone else involved including your husband. Handle her one on one. Speak up to her when she is difficult and never let her see you sweat. You need to establish boundaries with her and let her know what she is doing is unacceptable behavior.

I won't go into detail but I have dealt with her "type." People like that respect you only if you don't let them walk all over you. I suspect she already knows that she has gotten a rise out of you....it can only get worse. So ****** it in the bud.

As far as dementia? I doubt it since you already posted that she is basically difficult and it sounds like she is just escalating her behavior.

[jeanlake]

I'm sorry. What an awkward, annoying situation for you. I can relate. Two sons wish their wives wouldn't let their mom's "quirks" bother them because the sons are able to ignore her antics. So, if her sons can politely ignore her, so can I. My sis-in-law can no longer ignore her mom. They haven't spoken for 20 years. I don't judge my sis-in-law. And I wish I knew what the answer was. She's been my MIL for 39 years.

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