Community Chat

[meallen616]

@lovesallanimals,

[lovesallanimals]

Just read the newest posts and I cannot thank you all enough for your input.  It was so comforting and helpful.  I did decide, like many of you, to always wear my wedding ring.  I have his ring, glasses, watch and the cross he used to wear that was his mother's next to his photo.  He had a few favorite sweaters he used to wear and I am keeping those.  I will definitely look into Grief Share and the hospice one.  I am desperate for help to deal with this.  Thank you all again.

[DSD2]

@lovesallanimals I have no words of advice but am saying prayers to comfort you in your grief. May God heal your heart.

[Qgirl26]

@lovesallanimals , I'm so sorry for your loss! It's very hard going from the 'we to me' stage of life, especially if you were married for a long time. I'm just going to say that the ring is a personal decision and it is only yours to make. I wore mine for about the first few years, but I felt like every time I looked at them, I felt pain. I haven't so much as dated in the 10 years since his death, that hasn't interested me at all, but I felt I needed to remove the rings. I went to the cemetery on our wedding anniversary one year and I told him that it didn't mean I loved him any less. I just needed to take them off. So I did. It was right for me but you have to do what feels best for you. Maybe try taking them off a few days and see what you think? You could always put them back on if you don't like having them off. But if the idea of doing that pains you too much, leave them on. Grief is personal and only you know what's best. It's not a matter of what's right or wrong or did you love him enough. (I'm sure there are those who will make snarky comments like that.) You do what you have to in order to cope and survive this. Sending hugs your way.

[geezerette]

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@Qgirl26 wrote:

@lovesallanimals , I'm so sorry for your loss! It's very hard going from the 'we to me' stage of life, especially if you were married for a long time. I'm just going to say that the ring is a personal decision and it is only yours to make. I wore mine for about the first few years, but I felt like every time I looked at them, I felt pain. I haven't so much as dated in the 10 years since his death, that hasn't interested me at all, but I felt I needed to remove the rings. I went to the cemetery on our wedding anniversary one year and I told him that it didn't mean I loved him any less. I just needed to take them off. So I did. It was right for me but you have to do what feels best for you. Maybe try taking them off a few days and see what you think? You could always put them back on if you don't like having them off. But if the idea of doing that pains you too much, leave them on. Grief is personal and only you know what's best. It's not a matter of what's right or wrong or did you love him enough. (I'm sure there are those who will make snarky comments like that.) You do what you have to in order to cope and survive this. Sending hugs your way.

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@Qgirl26 

@lovesallanimals 

That's exactly what I've done--more than once, as a matter of fact.  I got the idea in my head that after a certain number of years I should remove my ring.  That it was the "proper" thing to do.  But when I did, I felt the opposite as you--it pained me when it was off my finger.

So I finally realized (duh!🤦‍♀️) that it was my decision and if anyone else didn't like that I still wear my wedding ring, that was their problem.  My reasons are my own.

Between getting older and becoming a widow, I've finally realized that most of my life is now my own to do what I wish.

My best to you both.💔❤️‍🩹

[matty liz]

Ladies, thank you.  My husband died 18 mo. ago, married 62 years.  He fell in love with me at 13.  At times I dont realize what is wrong but it is because he is gone.  Everyone is so busy in these times and doesnt recognize the need for a hug at times.  thank you

[ChouChou]

My husband passed away on May 8th - 6 weeks ago. It was unexpected. He had a massive MI. I am devastated. I cannot bring myself to take off my ring. I wear a plain gold band. I don't know if I'll ever be able to take it off. I certainly recognize that because of our age we could go at anytime. But, it hit me so much harder than I anticipated.  

[gidgetgh]

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@ChouChou wrote:

My husband passed away on May 8th - 6 weeks ago. It was unexpected. He had a massive MI. I am devastated. I cannot bring myself to take off my ring. I wear a plain gold band. I don't know if I'll ever be able to take it off. I certainly recognize that because of our age we could go at anytime. But, it hit me so much harder than I anticipated.  

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My deepest sympathies to you @ChouChou .  My husband's death hit me much harder than I anticipated also. I assumed that since I had "done well"....enough with my parents deaths, it would be the same when my husband passed away. I was so wrong.  Grief for each death is different of course, but the loss of my husband was and still is brutal. 

I am so sorry for your loss.  Take care.

[geezerette]

@ChouChou 

I'm so very sorry for your loss. 💔

It's still so raw for you, of course you're devastated.  My husband passed several years ago and I'm still devastated.

Please take care of yourself.

[geezerette]

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@matty liz wrote:

Ladies, thank you.  My husband died 18 mo. ago, married 62 years.  He fell in love with me at 13.  At times I dont realize what is wrong but it is because he is gone.  Everyone is so busy in these times and doesnt recognize the need for a hug at times.  thank you

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@matty liz 

My sincere sympathies on your loss.  💔

You are so very right.  I feel much the same.  

My husband and I were together from the time I was a teenager.  I spent more of my life with him than without.  It still seems wrong to me that he's not here anymore.

It's not something you get over, you get through it because you have to. ❤️‍🩹

Take care.