Re: Question about late guests

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

From a guest's view, I applaud all of those that have decided not to delay the meal for habitual late arrivers.

It has happened in our family gatherings also, even though we usually do buffets. I can see the host(s) becoming slightly flustered. The guests are hungry; munch on snacks and appetizers spoiling their appetite for dinner. The late arrivals show up and act like they don't know how to use the microwave or the ice maker. The poor host has to get up from eating to help them out.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

Chronically late people are so selfish. They disrespect you, then they make cute like it's funny. How many times have I heard 'oh hahahahaha, I'd be late to my own funeral!'. UGH!

I agree with the others to respect your other guests by going on ahead and eating/serving.

The people who are so disrespectful as to be chronically late will keep on doing it if you don't call them on it. One time we were meeting a couple at a restaurant. They were chronically late (this was mostly the wife) and would just laugh it off like it was funny. I don't find disrespectful people funny at all. Anyway, we got tired of waiting one time, after this had happened numerous times, and just left. We went to another restaurant. We had waited a fair amount of time.

I'm not so hard core as to think that every late situation is this. But those who are chronically late ARE uncaring, unthinking, and disrespectful. It's those I will no longer tolerate. If I make a commitment to you I will be there on time. Emergencies happen. I get that. But this is not that.

I hope you are able to just have a nice time with the rest of the folks!

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

Start family events without them. Begin next event and don't bother warning them. I began doing this after decades of my sis and family showing up late for anything hosted at my home. It's control issues with her. She's the alpha in her family and everyone else trails behind her. They're always embarrassed with being late, but not her.

When I semi-retired, we began having lunch together once a month and coffee / breakfast once a month. Late everytime. Average time was 30-45 minutes while I sat in a restaurant with my book. Somehow, my hours changed at my part-time job and I was no longer able to meet for breakfast or lunch. When her grandchildren went to college I told her our families are getting so large, let's just do an annual summer get-together at her lake house - share food prep - and let go of the holidays. We arrive on time to her house. I began traveling a bit over holidays as well, so the big family gathers are no longer an issue. We no longer go on girl trips together. She insists on being the only one who drives. I don't fight her verbally, because I can't win. But I can make alternative plans.

Sometimes you just have to 'change the game.'

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@CalminHeartwrote:
My in-laws were always 30 minutes late to everything. We started telling them the start time was 30 minutes earlier than it really was.

We did that with my aunt too. She was a lovely person, but for some reason was late for everything. It had nothing to do with the quality of anyone's cooking or her desire to be there for only a short time. She was loving and sweet in every other way.

So we always gave her an earlier arrival time. I only remember once when it became a big deal, with people arguing about it. The rest of the time it worked out fine.

Once she was even late for a holiday dinner in her own house. We always joked that it would happen some day, and then it did!

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@sunshine45wrote:
it generally does not bother me. we mostly entertain buffet style so it is easy to leave food out and when they get there they can serve themselves. i always do some appetizers and cocktails also so if i am running behind myself a bit i am not starving my guests. i hate sitting down to eat right when people arrive. i like them to mingle for a while and talk. 1/2 hour is no big deal at all, 90 minutes is pretty late.

for those who are chronically late to our home i usually give them a different time to arrive.....as in one hour earlier.

I agree, and I had meant to add this to my previous post.

A lot of people probably assume that, "Please come at 6:00" means that's the arrival time, and not when dinner will actually be served. I can only speak about my experience, but I can't remember ever going anywhere and immediately sitting down for the meal. There's always a bit of social time first, either just general chat with simple snack-type food for a short amount of time or a more elaborate set-up with appetizers that has been planned to go on longer.

What I have often heard is, "Please come at 6:00. We'll be sitting down to dinner at 7:00". (Or 6:30. Or 7:30, or whatever.) I think if that's said very clearly to chronically late people, then there is no misunderstanding and no need for hosts to wait.

Of course this is no help at all with people who choose to watch a football game or take a nap, and then mosey on over whenever they feel like it! That's passive-aggressive, and - as another poster mentioned - it's a control issue. (I worked in mental health for many years, and it was a hot topic with several of my patients.)

(I'm not excusing anyone for making a habit of being late, btw. It's rude and inconsiderate.)

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@CoffeeNutwrote:
People who show up late to dinner functions probably show up late to pretty much everything. My biggest pet peeve are people who show up late at the movie theatre. Once the movie starts people come in and stand in front of others trying to find a seat and even use the light on their cell phones to find them. Seems like it is happening more and more frequently.

This happens all the time, it seems, although I'm not sure it's anything new.

Most people arrive on time, find their seats, and get settled in before the movie starts. And then there are always those who stumble in late, fumble around in the dark, talk to each other, and block the view of the people who got there on time. It's so inconsiderate!