Re: Presents (Gifts) I AM DONE!

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@Preds wrote:
When we overheard neices and nephews making fun of gifts given to them from us and their grandparents ... that was their last gift. We had never recieved a thank you for them before and the first time they didn't get one they were angry. Darn ... broke our hearts ... NOT.

My gifts from grandparents stopped the day I had a child. They had sent me 5 dollars for years, then down to 1 when more grands were born. I never complained and never expected anything.

My "brother" and his children have never thanked me for any gift they have ever gotten over the last 30-40 years. Stopped that, too after a few years.

If I give a gift now ... it's a family gift of food. Eat it, trash it, whatever. Done.

My mother never uses anything we give her, but she expects gifts. Not money ... gifts. She gets puzzles or stuff that she can sale at yard sales.

It's weird out there now. Danged if you do and danged if you don't. I'm leaning more to the don't side.

Oh my, that's terrible, to make fun of a gift someone was thoughtful enough to give them?

That is just sad! And it speaks to character, or lack thereof.

Just the fact that someone thought enough of me to even give me a gift, would make me appreciate it. I don't understand that type of mentality!

ETA: @LilacTree don't blame you a bit!

VaBelle35 · ‎03-10-2010

I had to make 2 passes at it (the first time everyone clutched their pearls), but I finally got everyone to agree to stop gift giving about 4 years ago for birthdays and Christmas.

Now I just do graduations and weddings.

===================================
QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN

VaBelle35 · ‎03-10-2010

Speaking of thank yous...

Last summer a friend of mine threw a huge party for her husband's 50th. I went, as I go to all of their parties, they are great parties. I gave him a gift card to his favorite store.

My friend made a post on her Facebook page thanking everyone for the gifts for him.

Even if he's not on Facebook, he could have at least written the post himself.

For some reason that just struck me as an odd way to handle it.

I think everything goes now.

I just got a shower invitation with an RSVP to "text" to a number.

===================================
QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN

cody2 · ‎03-19-2010

@goldensrbest wrote:
I think saying thank you for a gift,or deed is exactly what a person should do!!!!

And I think you are right. Just doesn't happen anymore. When I was young, I didn't get the pleasure of using or playing with the gift until the thank you card was written, or printed as the case may be. My children still do that. My grandkids...about 50%. I am afraid it is a lost cause these days.

Evie2004 · ‎09-09-2010

@LilacTree wrote:
Odd this should come up today (in another thread). I decided that was not the place for my thoughts today. So I moved it.

Over the past few weeks I have decided I'm not buying any gifts anymore for anyone in my family, including my girls and my grandchildren. No matter how hard I try, they wind up not liking it, not wearing it, never using it, etc. It's not that it hurts my feelings . . . oh forget that . . . it hurts my feelings!

And I have even had them pick out something themselves and wind up not ever seeing it again. My daughter's Christmas gift, an aromatherapy diffuser she had been saying she needed in her bedroom. I don't see it anywhere, it's probably in a box in her closet. I am done. I have always been a huge gift giver . . . but no more. A card, a "Happy Birthday," and a kiss and a hug. That's it.

As always, when they need something (like my grandson needed a laptop for school), I am right there buying it for them. Those are the only times they are getting something from me. WHEN THEY NEED IT, a specific thing.

No more, not for me anyway. (I await the criticism, LOL.)

No criticism from me, Lilac, I have already stopped gifting nieces, nephews, & a great-niece..they are all (young) adults, I don't expect a written thank-you not, would be happy with an e-mail or a brief verbal one, but, it's as if they never received the gift.

not ready to stop giving our granddaughters gifts, but are cutting way back on some minor holidays, will continue sending cards!

Hang in there!

cody2 · ‎03-19-2010

@Nomorebirthdays wrote:
A few years ago I was having trouble thinking what to give my adult son for Christmas, I got a big box and filled it with cleaning supplies, baggies, tin foil, bandaid, a bottle of tylenol, paper plates, light blubs, odds and ends. And 54 rolls of toliet paper. He said "now that's a gift". He is single owns his own house so this now a tradition for him at Christmas. I also give him a few shirts, socks and boxers. Stuff he does not like to spend his own money on. So yes needed things can be a good gift.

Another idea is a gift certificate for a few car washes...in and outside. He loves that. We are a pretty practical family.

Caligurll · ‎07-20-2014

@Nomorebirthdays wrote:
A few years ago I was having trouble thinking what to give my adult son for Christmas, I got a big box and filled it with cleaning supplies, baggies, tin foil, bandaid, a bottle of tylenol, paper plates, light blubs, odds and ends. And 54 rolls of toliet paper. He said "now that's a gift". He is single owns his own house so this now a tradition for him at Christmas. I also give him a few shirts, socks and boxers. Stuff he does not like to spend his own money on. So yes needed things can be a good gift.

@Nomorebirthdays i would have been thrilled with just the 54 rolls of TP! I can never have enough toilet paper, it is #1 on my Never Run Out Of list.

ZoetheCat · ‎11-30-2014

@Preds wrote:
When we overheard neices and nephews making fun of gifts given to them from us and their grandparents ... that was their last gift. We had never recieved a thank you for them before and the first time they didn't get one they were angry. Darn ... broke our hearts ... NOT.

My gifts from grandparents stopped the day I had a child. They had sent me 5 dollars for years, then down to 1 when more grands were born. I never complained and never expected anything.

My "brother" and his children have never thanked me for any gift they have ever gotten over the last 30-40 years. Stopped that, too after a few years.

If I give a gift now ... it's a family gift of food. Eat it, trash it, whatever. Done.

My mother never uses anything we give her, but she expects gifts. Not money ... gifts. She gets puzzles or stuff that she can sale at yard sales.

It's weird out there now. Danged if you do and danged if you don't. I'm leaning more to the don't side.

Nieces and nephews making fun of gifts from you and their grandparents? Disgusting. Apparently, they never learned manners.

At the risk of being called an old fogey, I think a lot (not all) of today's kids are way too entitled when it comes to a lot of things, including getting gifts. Actually, I think a lot of adults are way too entitled as well. Having said that, I also have a niece and nephew (both early 20's) who could not be more gracious. No matter what they get, they thank us profusely and also send a thank you note.

When I was a kid, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, some of my friends started making Christmas "lists." My parents would have laughed me out of the room if I presented a Chistmas list. I got what I got, said thank you and that was that.

I put a lot of thought into what I give to people. I hope they like my choices, but if not, it's out of my hands. It's not the end of the world.

As far as thank you notes go, I never expect one if I am there when the present is received and I am thanked in person. However, it is only common courtesy, in my opinion, to send a thank you note if one is not thanked in person. My husband and I went to our nephew's wedding several years ago. We are not close to this nephew. In fact, we might see him once every five years or so. Nonetheless, we went to the wedding and gave the couple a substantial check. Never got a thank you. The check was cashed quickly, though (lol). Perhaps I shouldn't care, as I know times have changed. I certainly have not lost any sleep over it, but it's irritating.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@LilacTree wrote:
Odd this should come up today (in another thread). I decided that was not the place for my thoughts today. So I moved it.

Over the past few weeks I have decided I'm not buying any gifts anymore for anyone in my family, including my girls and my grandchildren. No matter how hard I try, they wind up not liking it, not wearing it, never using it, etc. It's not that it hurts my feelings . . . oh forget that . . . it hurts my feelings!

And I have even had them pick out something themselves and wind up not ever seeing it again. My daughter's Christmas gift, an aromatherapy diffuser she had been saying she needed in her bedroom. I don't see it anywhere, it's probably in a box in her closet. I am done. I have always been a huge gift giver . . . but no more. A card, a "Happy Birthday," and a kiss and a hug. That's it.

As always, when they need something (like my grandson needed a laptop for school), I am right there buying it for them. Those are the only times they are getting something from me. WHEN THEY NEED IT, a specific thing.

No more, not for me anyway. (I await the criticism, LOL.)

No criticism from me. I think that if giving gifts doesn't bring you pleasure, then you should stop. I happen to enjoy giving gifts, but there are a few people I no longer buy for because it didn't seem to matter to them if I took the time to find and send things I thought they would like.

I still buy gifts for most of the people in my life - and often spontaneously for no particular occasion. But if I felt the way that you do, I would seriously limit my list. You need not apologize or feel badly about it. This is a situation where you can completely do whatever you feel like doing!

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I completely understand OP. I think that while I love to give gifts, I'm finding little appreciation for a lot of my hard work and effort from several people, so I have trimmed WAY back as well. And I consider myself a really good gift giver. I listen and know exactly what to give, or I don't do it at all. I'm not one for giving 'generic' gifts to those in my life.

I will say, in defense of those you are gifting to, that maybe they don't want so many things, but don't want to hurt your feelings and tell you so. I have had this happen with my own mother. A gifting event is approaching (like birthday, Christmas, etc.) and my mom starts to ask me (repeatedly) several months in advance what I want. I always tell her when I come up with an idea, I'll let her know and I usually try to make it something from Q because that is really easy for her, she doesn't have to figure out how to get out and shop by herself now that she isn't driving.

Well, she gets impatient, and starts buying things that I don't want or need. Even if I tell her something, she gets what I ask for, but thinks I need more, so buys things that are nice, but that I have no use for. I have even taken to telling her, "Oh isn't that pretty.......BUT I DON'T WANT IT!!" when we are out shopping or watching Q. It is to the point where just about every holiday, I have things she is buying for me that I simply want to stick straight into a donation box because I have way too much stuff, and flat out told her I didn't want a certain item, but I think she thinks I'm just being 'nice' and not wanting to ask for too much. When I say that I ONLY want a pizza pan for my birthday, or I really like the new flameless candle she got, but I don't want one, she isn't listening.

We have even had long talks about not wanting to waste money buying things for each other, that we don't want or won't use. We have discussed and agreed it is ok to just know what we are buying for one another, to avoid over gifting, or buying something the other one really can't use. But still I get too many things, and several each holiday that I specifically said I didn't want/need when she asked me about them.

So maybe there have been some cues that certain members of your family have tried to tell you about either what you are gifting or how much you are giving, and you aren't hearing it either. At the very least, it sounds like a number of your family members have more things than they need or want, and I think maybe you and they will be happier if you give less. I know that is working for me in many instances these days.