Community Chat

[LilacTree]

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@homedecor1 wrote:

@LilacTree

I stopped buying gifts a long time ago for UNgrateful or other reasons.

why? Hmmmm let me try to make this short: (and yes it took my feelings hurt & a reality check!)

1) I always gave bday $, Christmas check to my older (36) son & his wife -- one day spouse said " they never cashed checks it's been 6 months". Called them "oh they're in closet do you want us to cash them?" -- my reply: ugh no use them for scratch paper!! (Sarcastically) obviously they didn't need the cash!🙄

2) Then gifts: I was staying at their house and happened to go in closet -- hmmm I sent a box of Christmas gifts to GD, and them. I said "Why are those gifts still wrapped in closet from Christmas (this was in April)? DIL says "oh forgot about them should we open them now?" What?????? So guess they didn't need those gifts either😳

This year we gifted my son & GD airline tickets for a visit at Easter - It was perfect they were here 10 wonderful days & something we all enjoyed! My DIL stayed home (she doesn't like FL). She got a pair of sneaks - just what she wanted!

Both my younger son & my recently married niece bought new homes this year - we gifted them what they needed for their homes. Both sent us nice ty note and called us. 

I know the older im getting the "smarter" I'm getting! Gifting is nice but only if the recipients are grateful!  

So lilactree im sure you're not alone in your thinking!!!! Hugs!!!

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@homedecor1

So, yes . . . as I said, what's the point?  I feel bad for you that your gifts weren't even opened.  That's a double insult.

And, by the way, I'm not mad at anyone.  I've made my decision and don't even plan to explain myself.  If asked, I will simply say I can't afford it anymore (not untrue).  We're a laid back family.  Probably no one will even notice.

(((Hugs))) to you too!

[Preds]

When we overheard neices and nephews making fun of gifts given to them from us and their grandparents ... that was their last gift.  We had never recieved a thank you for them before and the first time they didn't get one they were angry.  Darn ... broke our hearts ... NOT. 

My gifts from grandparents stopped the day I had a child.  They had sent me 5 dollars for years, then down to 1 when more grands were born.  I never complained and never expected anything.

My "brother" and his children have never thanked me for any gift they have ever gotten over the last 30-40 years.  Stopped that, too after a few years.

If I give a gift now ... it's a family gift of food.  Eat it, trash it, whatever.  Done.

My mother never uses anything we give her, but she expects gifts.  Not money ... gifts.  She gets puzzles or stuff that she can sale at yard sales. 

It's weird out there now.  Danged if you do and danged if you don't.  I'm leaning more to the don't side.

[Nomorebirthdays]

A few years ago I was having trouble thinking what to give my adult son for Christmas, I got a big box and filled it with cleaning supplies, baggies, tin foil, bandaid, a bottle of tylenol, paper plates, light blubs, odds and ends. And 54 rolls of toliet paper. He said "now that's a gift". He is single owns his own house so this now a tradition for him at Christmas. I also give him a few shirts, socks and boxers. Stuff he does not like to spend his own money on. So yes needed things can be a good gift.

[on the bay]

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@Nomorebirthdays wrote:

A few years ago I was having trouble thinking what to give my adult son for Christmas, I got a big box and filled it with cleaning supplies, baggies, tin foil, bandaid, a bottle of tylenol, paper plates, light blubs, odds and ends. And 54 rolls of toliet paper. He said "now that's a gift". He is single owns his own house so this now a tradition for him at Christmas. I also give him a few shirts, socks and boxers. Stuff he does not like to spend his own money on. So yes needed things can be a good gift.

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@Nomorebirthdays-

that sounds like a good mom's gift!

[skuggles]

I made the same decision about two years ago. The beginning was a little sad or maybe bittersweet is a better word. Now it seems OK. We are always helping quite a bit, and that really is more than enough. No criticism from me.

[blackhole99]

I have an elderly aunt who you cannot buy a gift for or give her money because she won't rest until she gives you something of the same value. To me if you look at gifting like that, then it's not received in the right spirit. It's hard to believe some people just cannot accept a gift and be thankful for and enjoy it. In the OP case I think they are taking advantage of your generosity. Just remember after awhile people just expect things and don't really appreciate it.

[homedecor1]

@Nomorebirthdays

I just did the same for my niece & hubby. I spent Easter weekend at their beautiful new home (they moved in 6 wks ago) as we were preparing for Easter brunch at her home (35 people) it became apparent the "little" things she didn't have, like a paring knife, plastic containers, dish towels, etc. - things we never think about for the Kitchen.

The next day I had a great time filling grocery bags with "everyday" necessities including tp!!! Lol

She was at work so I left everything in the grocery bags like I went food shopping...they were thrilled with the goodies!

In fact, I am in the process of putting away my Easter decor.  She said too bad I don't have extra $ I'd go to the sales for Easter decor....so, my things are "gently used" and I've decided to pack up some of it & ship to them. (sadly I won't miss them as my bunnies & Easter decor is excessive - 50+bunnies alone!)

[SharkE]

19 people !  My husband cut off his nieces and nephews when they turned 18 LOL Then his family just drew names at Xmas and specified a set amount for what the gift should cost.

Eventually, that was dropped, too. 

Gifts aren't what Christmas is about anyway.

All other holidays I'd bring flowers and say Happy B'day, Easter, new home, etc.

[occasionalrain]

A gift is given to please, to thank, or out of obligation. Gift cards are given out of obligation; they're easy and thoughtless. It's what businesses give. Target gives them as an incentive to buy certain products.

It's a kindness to allow the giver to know you appreciated their gift by wearing it sometime when you will be seeing them or mention that you used their gift. That the OP's daugher couldn't even wear the pajamas her mother gave her when she knew her mother, who lives with her, was sure to notice is, to me, unkind, unforgivable, shameful.