Community Chat

[patbz]

When my 92 year Mom passed we used a beautiful picture of her from the late 30s, as we all loved that photo. Why is this so different then all the Facebook graduation  pics that constantly show up DHs and my feeds ( now that we've passed 50 year H.S.grad mark) to announce the obituaries of classmates who have passed? These now appear once or more a month.

[Sooner]

To me it's the same issue of going to a funeral, viewing the deceased and tsk tsking about how they didn't look like themselves, didn't look well ('ya think?), and on and on.  The makeup wasn't right etc.

Some people do NOT want to be viewed.  Some people are old and disfigured.  Go to any nursing home and ask how'd YOU would like to be pictured.  Then or now?

Honestly, nobody's business but the deceased and the family. 

[KailaS]

     I think the issue of photos is one that is personal to an individual or family.

     For instance, my mother died seven months ago and was not quite 97. For 20 years she was blind, had dementia, and also cancer. Although we kept mom at home, and I documented her life in photos and videos throughout her illness and decline, my mother for many years looked nothing like the attractive wife, mother, and hair stylist that most folks would recognize.  Almost no one came to see her during her last 20 years.  So, for my mother's obituary, I used a photo that I took when she was about 73.  That photo showed my mother as happy, smiling, and well.  

     My dad, who died at age 91 in 2018, had a stroke five years before he died. But even in his last week, paralyzed and struggling, he looked facially like himself.  I used two photos for his obituary: one of him as a young man in his Navy uniform and another of him in his last year. Dad was lucid enough to help write his own obituary and to plan his final church and graveside service. 
    

[speedy girl]

I think a fairly recent picture is appropriate but I would chose what ever the person submitting the obituary likes. I think most people reading them, scan for names they might recognize and not necessarily the picture first. 

[Isobel Archer]

If you actually know the person who died, the picture chosen by either the deceased or the family should not matter.

Gee, if someone has not aged well - especially due to what finally killed them, is it really necessary to depict them as they looked just before death?  Wow.

[Kalli]

My mom had dementia for almost 8 years before she passed at age 87. We chose an obituary picture of her taken just before she was diagnosed. She looked so nice in that photo. 

When Dad saw the obit he remarked, "Doesn't your mom look great, just like when she was in High School."  They were married for 68 wonderful years. And even when she had dementia and was completely oblivious to what was going on around her, he still looked at her with love in his eyes.

I miss them both every single day. 

[Gorgf]

@Daisy Sunflower   I was going through the posts to see someone have the same idea as I do. Some interesting thoughts and preferences. 

I don't want any service or obituary. I have already paid for my space for my ashes in my church Columbarium which is cheaper than a cemetary plot. Where my parents are buried isnt an option as no more room.

I have a Living Trust and I was surprised my attorney felt the same way? I have essentially no family and few friends.

I buy myself flowers often remembering my Mother said she wanted flowers when she was alive not dead.