Community Chat

[Suhse]

I am 45. When I was 40, I took a serious fall, on a simple hike. Luckily, I wasn't alone and the ER room visit, revealed no fractures. But, I had badly torn muscles and ligaments. Slow to heal.

I'm a Diettian, work in a very large hospital, and, it can involve a lot of roaming around the hospital.

To be allowed to return to work, I had to use a wheeled walker, with a seat, for a month, then, a 4 footed cane, for another month.

I couldn't afford to take a leave of abscence and I so appreciated the support. Not embarrassed at all.

The walker I donated. The can I kept. You never know. Especially if you're clumsy and I AM🙃

[Yardlie]

@Suhse, I'm glad to hear that you healed so well and didn't let pride override your need for medical devices. You set an example for everyone by how you handled the situation.

When my mother fell and fractured her leg in three places last fall, the physical therapist would not allow her to use a wheeled walker. We had one that my dad has used. The therapist pointed out that the wheeled walkers take off too fast...even with a brake. People lose control of them when they are just getting back into walking. They had my mother use just the regular cheap Medicare walker at first. However, they had never seen my mother walk at that point. My mother is extremely quick. She can really go fast for a 91 year old. That is why she jumped out of my car so quickly the other day and fell and hit her head. From now on, she will stay in the car until I come around to assist her.

Also, Medicare used to insist on those 4-pronged canes, and I always thought they were dangerous because (if you remember geometry), 3 points lie in a plane, and that 4th prong causes tippiness. I recently heard that Medicare no longer pays for 4-pronged canes.

A point of information (for those who do not realize)...when older people are in grocery stores, they could use the electric carts, but many people like my mother have been given advice by their physicians to walk more. So...many older people use the grocery carts instead of their cane, walker, or holding someone else's arm. A grocery cart is very stable.

I once was walking next to my mother who had several things in our cart. Another woman came up beside me and told me that I should be ashamed to let my mother push the cart when I was walking right next to her with no cart!! It was not her business, but I used it as a teachable moment to educate the lady on how older people use grocery carts as ambulatory aids.

[Yardlie]

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@dex wrote:

My mom is 90 and won't use a walker either.She says they are for old weak people and anyhow what if someone saw her with one.I find that funny because all of her friends are in the age group that needs some sort of assistance.I think my mom holds it as a badge of honor to be able to get around like a younger person.I do worry that she will fall and be hospitalized but she wants the right to make her own choices and I get it.Who wants to ever give up their independence and I am sure that when the time comes I will be like my mother in that way.

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@dex, I get what you are saying. None of us want to give up our independence. I try to keep in mind a phrase from my favorite piece of prose poetry, "Desiderata":  "Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth."

[Yardlie]

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@Sooner wrote:

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While you can't make old people do what they don't want to, you can refuse to taker out without a walker.  It is a hard road and you can't control all issues.  I feel your pain.  But remember, not everything is your fault or in your control. . . 

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@Sooner, that is what my sister told me. She is a psych nurse. She said that all I can do is my best and that with my mother's stubborness regarding her safety, something is going to happen...but that I should keep in mind that it will not be my fault. Nobody can control my mother's stubborness. Her mother was the same way. Thank G-d, I took after my dad. I would not want to put other people through all this.

[Yardlie]

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@doxie1 wrote:

@Yardlie

Both the children and the parent learned about themselves from our experience. The children learned they wanted to protect their parent with "bubble wrap". The parent said she did not want to live that way. We came to a consensus on what would make each of us feel better. My mom still has to be able to make decisions. We were able to remind her that there are worse things than death. This reminded her of a relative that lived for 40 something years in an iron lung. She wants to live in her own house and saw that the way to make that happen was to use the walker. It was a struggle  when we went out at times because she felt like she was in the way with the walker. When people started greeting her and being glad to see her it changed.

We did get her one with the four big wheels. They make a huge difference in getting around. It does have a seat which she loves.

A funny for you. We were going to a funeral and she all of a sudden wanted the walker detailed with cleaning and polishing to make it sparkly. It was so funny when we realized how far she had come.

She did not feel like we were making demands  but she felt like we were sharing our fears, concerns and thoughts. I think this empowered her to make the decision. She is so strong willed that I do not think it would have worked to push her into something.

When she gets somewjere she is off like a racehorse with that walker and we have to trot to catch up. That seems to make her smile!

I wish you success in your venture and will say some prayers for you and your mom.

doxie

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@doxie, funny stories about your mom. Your mother sounds a lot like mine...she just takes off running with that walker (when I can get her to use it)! I think she is trying to make a point. I hope we get to the point where she wants her walker spit-shined for some event. That was a cute story.

[Yardlie]

@wishmoon, the rollator is what my mother has also. She has the seat with the storage basket under it...a nice bright red one, as red is her favorite color.

We will see the doctor again on Friday, and hopefully I can get him to convince her that it is safety first. Right now, she refuses to acknowledge her age. She doesn't look or feel 91, and people keep telling her how young she looks. Too bad her bones don't know that!

[Sooner]

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@Brinklii wrote:

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@Sooner wrote:

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While you can't make old people do what they don't want to, you can refuse to taker out without a walker.  It is a hard road and you can't control all issues.  I feel your pain.  But remember, not everything is your fault or in your control. . . 

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@Sooner, that is what my sister told me. She is a psych nurse. She said that all I can do is my best and that with my mother's stubborness regarding her safety, something is going to happen...but that I should keep in mind that it will not be my fault. Nobody can control my mother's stubborness. Her mother was the same way. Thank G-d, I took after my dad. I would not want to put other people through all this.

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Thank GOD people are talking about this.  Yes, the guilt is terrible.  The worry.  BUT you simply can't make them do anything unless they are declared incompetent.  It can be hell on earth worrying about people who you KNOW are going to come to go good outcome.

My mom finally went over the edge and is in a nursing home now.  I no longer have to worry about her leaving the gas burners on, setting her hair on fire lighting cigarrrettes on the gas stove flame, letting anyone and everyone in the house, having the housekeeper rob her blind, and a zillion other things, I have some peace now.  And of course I feel guilty about that too.  

I am like you.  I am working on not being so stubborn in this life and to doing what is good for me instead of what I want to do.  It ain't easy--but what is???  Well, that's not good for you either.

Bless your heart for saying this.

[AnikaBrodie]

DH and I went through this with his mother when she was in her early 90s.  She had used a cane for several years with no problems or issues, but going from cane to walker meant another decrease in independence and she didn't like it one bit.  With repeated (over many months)  support for walker from us and friends and her PCP whom she dearly loved she finally gave in and used the walker anytime she left her home.  However, she continued to use the cane in her senior, handicapped apartment saying the walker was too clumsy to move around.  Well, at least half the problem was solved. 

Funny story.  When she had an appointment with her PCP she used the walker to let him know she was following his explicit orders.  But he knew this story wasn't true, and would wink at us when she wasn't looking.  Then, he went on to tell her the positives of using her walker all the time, even in her apartment.   

One thing I would caution you to do is to remove any throw rugs anywhere in her home.  The walker tends to get stuck on the edge of the rug and can cause a nasty fall pretty quickly.  We removed all throw rugs pronto.  She didn't like that but accepted it.

We also made the walker as "custom styled" as possible adding a basket to the front and "wheels" to the legs, etc.  At first she had a walker with slides and at times it would slide too fast.  Wheels worked much better. 

[Tinkrbl44]

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@Sooner wrote:

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@Brinklii wrote:

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@Sooner wrote:

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While you can't make old people do what they don't want to, you can refuse to taker out without a walker.  It is a hard road and you can't control all issues.  I feel your pain.  But remember, not everything is your fault or in your control. . . 

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@Sooner, that is what my sister told me. She is a psych nurse. She said that all I can do is my best and that with my mother's stubborness regarding her safety, something is going to happen...but that I should keep in mind that it will not be my fault. Nobody can control my mother's stubborness. Her mother was the same way. Thank G-d, I took after my dad. I would not want to put other people through all this.

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Thank GOD people are talking about this.  Yes, the guilt is terrible.  The worry.  BUT you simply can't make them do anything unless they are declared incompetent.  It can be hell on earth worrying about people who you KNOW are going to come to go good outcome.

My mom finally went over the edge and is in a nursing home now.  I no longer have to worry about her leaving the gas burners on, setting her hair on fire lighting cigarrrettes on the gas stove flame, letting anyone and everyone in the house, having the housekeeper rob her blind, and a zillion other things, I have some peace now.  And of course I feel guilty about that too.  

I am like you.  I am working on not being so stubborn in this life and to doing what is good for me instead of what I want to do.  It ain't easy--but what is???  Well, that's not good for you either.

Bless your heart for saying this.

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@Sooner

I've been down that treacherous  road and all I can say is screw the guilt!

Your Mom is SAFE now ... medical professionals around, 24/7 attention very close by ....  If that doesn't give you peace of mind, I don't know what can.   You have turned her over to a place that has MANY people nearby and can care for her with whatever arises.   Besides, sometimes someone has to be the bad guy, and it's better it's not you.   You're only one person and you did your best.   It's someone else's turn now.   Please don't beat yourself up over this.  

[Sooner]

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@Sooner wrote:

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@Brinklii wrote:

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@Sooner wrote:

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While you can't make old people do what they don't want to, you can refuse to taker out without a walker.  It is a hard road and you can't control all issues.  I feel your pain.  But remember, not everything is your fault or in your control. . . 

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@Sooner, that is what my sister told me. She is a psych nurse. She said that all I can do is my best and that with my mother's stubborness regarding her safety, something is going to happen...but that I should keep in mind that it will not be my fault. Nobody can control my mother's stubborness. Her mother was the same way. Thank G-d, I took after my dad. I would not want to put other people through all this.

---

Thank GOD people are talking about this.  Yes, the guilt is terrible.  The worry.  BUT you simply can't make them do anything unless they are declared incompetent.  It can be hell on earth worrying about people who you KNOW are going to come to go good outcome.

My mom finally went over the edge and is in a nursing home now.  I no longer have to worry about her leaving the gas burners on, setting her hair on fire lighting cigarrrettes on the gas stove flame, letting anyone and everyone in the house, having the housekeeper rob her blind, and a zillion other things, I have some peace now.  And of course I feel guilty about that too.  

I am like you.  I am working on not being so stubborn in this life and to doing what is good for me instead of what I want to do.  It ain't easy--but what is???  Well, that's not good for you either.

Bless your heart for saying this.

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@Sooner

I've been down that treacherous  road and all I can say is screw the guilt!

Your Mom is SAFE now ... medical professionals around, 24/7 attention very close by ....  If that doesn't give you peace of mind, I don't know what can.   You have turned her over to a place that has MANY people nearby and can care for her with whatever arises.   Besides, sometimes someone has to be the bad guy, and it's better it's not you.   You're only one person and you did your best.   It's someone else's turn now.   Please don't beat yourself up over this.  

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Thank you for the kind words.  I by and large don't but sometimes it sort of creeps back doesn't it?  Yes, her being taken care of is a blessing.  I'm an only child of older parents. . . so yes, it really is me.  I apprecite your words more than you know.