First of all I'd like to tell you how much I admire you and your husband for helping your mother and giving her so much love and understanding. These days not as many family members are like that.
I was wondering if perhaps you approached it in a different way.
Now people don't go busting on me for saying this, but the OP is desperate and something needs to be done.
Here's what my adult daughters do when trying to deal with me. They show me that by digging in my heels and not wanting to do something important like that, it makes their life more difficult and takes time from their other family members.
Here's why I'm saying that. Because most mothers would do anything for their children. Perhaps the OP can make her understand she would be helping her children if she'd do this because they have to keep taking her to the hospital, etc. The OP might say something like, "We want to go here and there and want you to go with us. Your grandchildren want to see you, you don't want them to see you falling all of the time, do you? They know what a vital woman you are. Show them by using that walker so you can go places with us. We can't do anything as long as we have to worry about you falling down all of the time. I guess it might be called 'tough love' but for a good reason.
There are ways of getting this across so that it isn't so harsh. I'm not saying the OP should say, "Mom! You are so selfish! Do you understand (John) and I have a life and you are making it worse"! NO WAY am I saying that....goodness.
She should know her mom well enough to know how to approach the situation in a way that would appeal to the Mom's approach in her life that she's always taken care of her children and now her children are hurting because she won't listen to them. I hope I'm explaining this correctly.
Here's what my daughter said to me that finally got through to me about getting my house ready to sell and downsize. She said, "Mom. I know you love this house. Daddy died there. You and Daddy built it and took good care of it. There are lots of memories here. However, this is a big house, too big for you. It's a house for a family and young people with children. Wouldn't you like to see children playing in the yard and swing set like we used to do?"
She made sense to me. She approached it from a different way than saying (like always) "This house is too big! You need to move".
See what I mean?
My grandma (who raised me) was a wise woman. She'd always say, "There are two ways to say something. If you just think about the nicest way, it's usually the best way".
My guess is that Mom loves her children and family very much and once the daughter points out that it causes grief for the family, it will make a difference. Don't approach it the way they've been doing it by saying, "This is for YOUR own good".
Just a thought.
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