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Jasper!! There he is again!!
What a sweet boy!!!
Hi, Mistri! How is everything going with your dad and mom? Are you taking care of yourself?? I think of you often. Since we first started posting, you have grown by leaps and bounds!! You have so much wisdom for one so young! I love to read your advice to others!
Jasper!! There he is again!!
Hi, Mistri! How is everything going with your dad and mom? Are you taking care of yourself?? I think of you often. Since we first started posting, you have grown by leaps and bounds!! You have so much wisdom for one so young! I love to read your advice to others!
Hi Fortune!! 
Thanks for being so kind. 
Right now...
I'm avoiding my mom because she has morphed back into the controlling beast I remember from my childhood. She has been sleeping a lot though, so it isn't difficult to avoid her and still see my dad. He is on a new chemo regimen, and--like the last one--he doesn't seem to be having many side effects. I often wonder if he is getting any benefit from it. The last round of chemo did nothing. The cancer in his femur grew larger, and the cancer also spread to his sternum. I am dreading his next PET scan, because I pretty much expect his condition to be worse. If I were an even bigger cynic than I already am, I would accuse the oncology staff of giving him sugar-water.
I tried to get him to go to Cancer Treatment Centers. He agreed to go, but it was really just a lie to placate me...he never actually had any intention of going. He does not want to go the extra mile, because it would require him to abandon his denial of how serious his condition is.
My brother plans to visit next month. He told me he wants to help my mom clean out the basement (my dad and I had a good laugh about that yesterday, because there is no way in h*** my mom is going to allow one of her kids--or anyone else, for that matter--to spearhead a project like that...and my dad and I know it). I tried telling my brother that his plan has "bad idea" written all over it, but I don't seem to be getting through...so I guess I'll just try to be there when the fireworks begin, to throw some water on those two. 
Honestly, Fortune...I feel like I have absolutely no control over any of this...I'm just along for the ride, waiting for the train to fly off the rails.
As far as taking care of myself...all I can say for myself is that I recently got a flu shot after I recovered from a strain of flu that hit me in December. I also found a way to get counseling, starting next month. My mom and I were supposed to go to a grief seminar at hospice, but she stood me up...so I will go by myself when I can.
Today I went to Savers and got myself some new jeans. I also tried on a dress I thought would be appropriate for my dad's funeral, but it didn't fit. I hate that I think about things like that at this point, but I've realized that I can't save him. He turns 67 in March, but if his cancer continues to spread at the rate it has already, I don't imagine he will see 68.
Sorry about all the doom and gloom. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that my parents are not capable of doing more in their current situation...but I'm not quite there yet.
I feel really sorry for my brother. He has not been here to witness all that I have, and he seems to be struggling with what's going on to a greater degree...the way I was at first. I think I began grieving when my dad got his stage IV diagnosis (perhaps before that, even), but my family chose to believe that maybe the doctors were wrong about the malignancy in his femur...so they fell apart on the 30th, when his 2nd PET scan left no room for doubt anymore. It was hard to watch. There is clearly still a level of denial that I don't try to penetrate, because I don't think they're ready to accept the whole truth...and I don't feel it is my duty to force them into awareness. I have tried to get them to consider counseling, but it falls on deaf ears...always.
In other words, I am feeling helpless and depressed again...but this situation cannot last forever, and when it is over I will do what I can to move forward.
I hope you are doing well and enjoying all that time spent with your handsome granddoggy!!! He is so precious, I just want to reach through the screen and hug him. Carl and Carmine are doing okay, though I don't imagine Carmine will be with me too much longer. He is old for a rat, and he drags his back legs a bit. He is still sweet as pie though, and he eats like a pig. My "sister" Heidi spends her time perched on the back of my parents loveseat, protecting my dad from "attack squirrels." I'm glad she hasn't mistaken me for one. 
Anyway, I hope things are going well for you...and I appreciate your kind words and thoughts.
Love,
mistri
I'm sure this situation is bringing out the worst in your mom. She is ratcheting up all the things she has control of to block the things she has no control over. Poor thing. I can't imagine her letting your brother touch anything!!! I've watched enough of the hoarders shows to know that only people trained in this field have a chance to help the hoarder let go of their stuff. You sure don't need a big flap over this now.
You really have a realistic take on the situation, which is good. You realize you have no control over some of the behavior. Reminds me of the Serenity Prayer. I have it up in my office to remind me. You are doing so much better than most people would do in your situation!!! You're a very strong and intelligent young woman!!
Would it make you feel better to talk to one of the doctors about the expected course of these new chemo treatments? I would want to know if there's any correlation with the severity of the symptoms and whether the drug is working.
I'm glad the "gang" is doing fine!! I can't wait 'til I can go outside and not freeze to death! Do Carmine and Carl ever go out? I bet Miss Heidi is pretty picky about getting her paws snowy!!! 
Try to rest and get your mind on something interesting. . .hmmmmm. 
I'm sure this situation is bringing out the worst in your mom. She is ratcheting up all the things she has control of to block the things she has no control over. Poor thing. I can't imagine her letting your brother touch anything!!! I've watched enough of the hoarders shows to know that only people trained in this field have a chance to help the hoarder let go of their stuff. You sure don't need a big flap over this now.
You really have a realistic take on the situation, which is good. You realize you have no control over some of the behavior. Reminds me of the Serenity Prayer. I have it up in my office to remind me. You are doing so much better than most people would do in your situation!!! You're a very strong and intelligent young woman!!
Would it make you feel better to talk to one of the doctors about the expected course of these new chemo treatments? I would want to know if there's any correlation with the severity of the symptoms and whether the drug is working.
I'm glad the "gang" is doing fine!! I can't wait 'til I can go outside and not freeze to death! Do Carmine and Carl ever go out? I bet Miss Heidi is pretty picky about getting her paws snowy!!!
Try to rest and get your mind on something interesting. . .hmmmmm.
I made the mistake of telling my mom some of the questions I planned on asking the doctors when I took my dad to his first appointment for this round of chemo. She told me not to ask too many questions. I asked why. She said the doctors are busy...that they could call me back if I had questions. I asked her if she thought they would really call me, considering the fact that I have no legal standing regarding his health care. She said no. I said "alright then, I guess I'll have to ask my questions at the appointment." She argued with me some more about it, and I could tell she was not pleased about the fact that I was planning on "defying" her by asking too many questions.
When I went to pick my dad up at 8:15 am, as we had planned and spoken of on several occasions, my parents were already gone. I looked at my phone and saw that she had called me about 10 minutes before that (it takes me roughly 15 minutes to get to their house), and I called her back. She said they were on their way to the oncology clinic, and asked if I was coming...as though nothing was amiss. I was disgusted, and I said, "no, I guess not." She said coolly, "but I thought you had questions." B****.
After I got off the phone, I listened to the message she'd left on my cell while I was driving to their house. It was her telling me they were on their way to the oncology place, interspersed with her yelling at my dad to slow down...then yelling at him to stop the car...then yelling at him to pull over and let her drive. When I heard that, I was mad.
I decided to stop at the clinic anyway. I dropped off some candied ginger, asked a few questions, hugged each of my parents and then left. So she made her point, and I made mine.
Later that evening, my mom and I had plans to go to hospice for a grief seminar. When I called the house to ask her if she was still going, my dad said she was asleep. I decided not to go, as the things I wrote about above were only a fraction of the aggravation I'd had to put up with that day, on 2 hours of sleep, and I just didn't feel like going anymore.
I don't want to play my mother's little passive-aggressive games, so I just avoid dealing with her as much as possible. She's probably feeling sorry for herself about that too, but I just don't care. I'm not up to playing games.
Anyway, I still see my dad, and Heidi...who has her own "potty patch" of shoveled lawn to enjoy. And yes, Heidi has boots to wear to keep her precious feet from touching the snow. She has more than one set, actually.
And, the word that gets her the most worked up? "Squirrel!"
(((((((Mistri))))))) ~ i do follow your posts because some of your life experiences remind me of some of my own, and i am always holding all good thoughts for you. Take care. P.S. Keep the squirrel photos coming!
Thanks, SuesCat...I will.
You take care as well. 
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