Community Chat

[jubilant]

@on the bay

Yes, that is a word and your definition was my way of saying just about everything seems skewed or "twisted" these days.   I am not sure how Melania meant it? I had never heard it used any other way to be honest. 

[Tinkrbl44]

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@itiswhatitis wrote:

These studies are akin to social engineering.  There is no way in the world to determine that the factors mentioned in this discussion makes marriages last longer, and thereby keeping men from being derelict (safe from society).

Social engineering is not a new premise and it should come as no surprise that Americans valued marriage over single-dom because of varying faiths and beliefs; societal expectations; wealth building.  All are social constructs.

Longevity doesn't equal happy.  We can only gauge success based on what we are told; not what we see and know for ourselves.  Many a wonderful marriage thrived then and now because they were meant to be.  Many dangerous, volitale marriages remain but because they remain together does not equal success.

Love from the beginning to the end is what makes a successful marriage.  Not the money, not the children.

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@itiswhatitis

I disagree.   I understand your point, but you can't really speak for everyone else as to what constitutes a "successful" marriage.  It's different for everyone, and while love is very important,  it's certainly not the only thing.   I've seen some weird couplings who "loved" each other ....   and they didn't last. 

[Trinity11]

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@Oznell wrote:

Whew, who knew there would be such a richly varied response to the idea of marriage as a "social good".  Potato chips indeed!  (I'm always excited at the prospect of potato chips, too, ha.)

I would still recommend to any young people I cared about, to follow that Brookings Institution "success sequence" if they possibly could:

Complete education, get job, get married, have kids.

Of course, it goes without saying, if you don't like marriage, then don't do it.   From a community aspect though, it has been seen to be stabilizing, and an institution worth preserving....

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I wouldn't recommend it even though I am happily married with children. I always wanted my children to choose what made them happy.....not what made me happy. I promoted choice when I raised both my children and wanted them to be happy with their OWN choices....not a roadmap set out by some Institute or myself for that matter.

[Burnsite]

News can be reported from all different angles. 

One that stuck in my head because I am single is that the people who live longest are single ladies and married men. I'm not saying I agree.  I just think marriage is a serious commitment, and no one should engage in it to be socially acceptable.

People should marry only if they want to and have a partner they are bonded with, or would like to be bonded with, period.

[Greeneyedlady21]

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@Trinity11 wrote:

 

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I wouldn't recommend it even though I am happily married with children. I always wanted my children to choose what made them happy.....not what made me happy. I promoted choice when I raised both my children and wanted them to be happy with their OWN choices....not a roadmap set out by some Institute or myself for that matter.

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I respect and admire that so much, and think it makes you a very good Mother.

As for roadmaps, I make my own.

[Trinity11]

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@Greeneyedlady21 wrote:

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@Trinity11 wrote:

 

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I wouldn't recommend it even though I am happily married with children. I always wanted my children to choose what made them happy.....not what made me happy. I promoted choice when I raised both my children and wanted them to be happy with their OWN choices....not a roadmap set out by some Institute or myself for that matter.

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I respect and admire that so much, and think it makes you a very good Mother.

As for roadmaps, I make my own.

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Thank you so very much. I raised two adult children who mean the world to me. They have both taken different paths in life that are very different than my own and I am vastly proud of them. They are contributing, socially aware and trying to make this world a better place. No mother could ask for more.....

[itiswhatitis]

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@itiswhatitis wrote:

These studies are akin to social engineering.  There is no way in the world to determine that the factors mentioned in this discussion makes marriages last longer, and thereby keeping men from being derelict (safe from society).

Social engineering is not a new premise and it should come as no surprise that Americans valued marriage over single-dom because of varying faiths and beliefs; societal expectations; wealth building.  All are social constructs.

Longevity doesn't equal happy.  We can only gauge success based on what we are told; not what we see and know for ourselves.  Many a wonderful marriage thrived then and now because they were meant to be.  Many dangerous, volitale marriages remain but because they remain together does not equal success.

Love from the beginning to the end is what makes a successful marriage.  Not the money, not the children.

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@itiswhatitis

I disagree.   I understand your point, but you can't really speak for everyone else as to what constitutes a "successful" marriage.  It's different for everyone, and while love is very important,  it's certainly not the only thing.   I've seen some weird couplings who "loved" each other ....   and they didn't last. 

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@Tinkrbl44, I'm not speaking for everyone. I'm speak my own personal  experiences what I call love....