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Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,733
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Carmie, I'm glad it's all settled.

 

What irks me in your opening post, besides the obvious, is this man declining your more than generous counter offer and then telling you that he's going approach your husband for the money.

 

Maybe he thought you'd be a softer touch. Besides his gall, he sounds very sexist.


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,577
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

@kitcat51 wrote:

Aw


@Carmie wrote:

@kitcat51 wrote:

What is the money for?


I don't know...I didn't ask.  i just said no.  


What? If someone asked me out for money I'd expect them to tell me or I'd ask why. I understand why you don't want to lend it but it doesn't cost a dime to listen & if it's an emergency offer ideas to help him find the needed money. 


why is that her duty to listen to a distant acquaintance 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,577
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

@Carmie wrote:

@itsmagic   I don't think he was joking.  We met this couple through other friends we hang out with in the summer time.  We go to the same beach at the Lake with our boats and have occasionally gone out to dinner with them and a group of friends.  We have never really had a one on one relationship with them. 

 

We didn't see them at all this summer and asked about them.  We were told they were spending time in upstate NY somewhere.

 

They have a really nice big expensive boat and drive a Lexus 500 or something car...I know nothing about Lexus cars, but it is a people magnet. Anyway, they are flashy and seem to have money.  My DH and I have boats and cars that are nice, but are no longer new or expensive.  We are the "poor ones" in our circle.  Whenever we are asked when we are going to get new toys, I say "I'd rather have the money in my pocket."

 

Maybe that is why he thinks we have money.  Anyway, the call was a surprise.  If he calls back, and he probably will, I will just tell him "no, I'd rather have the money in my pocket."

 

I am going to call another couple who we are super close with ( very good friends) who also go to the Lake and find out and if they also were contacted and hit up for a loan.


all show no dough

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,604
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

@suzyQ3   I thought the same thing.  I was not happy at all.  

 

My DH is home and David has not called yet.  If and when he calls, I will answer.  He will hear the same "no" again from me.  My DH doesn't want to talk to him.

 

Does this  man think we just have $5000 laying around to hand over?  Crazy, for sure.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,882
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I wouldn't *poke the bear* and say anything about keeping your money in your own pocket.

 

Desperate times can make people desperate.

 

I'd feign poverty, if he called back.

 

And I wouldn't say a word to anyone else in the circle of friends/acquaintances.  Let them talk about it first, at least.  But I wouldn't say anything that would tick the guy off, if it got back to him.  And I think it would.

 

Hope it's blown over for you.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,238
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

I don't lend money.  If one of my relatives (close one's) needs money or something, I give it to them.

 

This summer my little sister (she's my 1/2 sister but we don't think of that) called me and she needed a car to get to work, etc.

 

I told her to look around and find one and let me know.  She and her daughter found one for $2,500.  I met her and gave her the cash.....no strings.  Months later she needed a few hundred to get to the Drs and some medicine.  I gave her the money.

 

I feel like GOD has been good to me and my late husband.  I have the money, so I give it to people who need it.  I know she was grateful, enough said.  It made a real difference in her life.

 

My late husband and I have given away so much money, it's crazy.  We've paid to bury his mother, my mother, my sister, paid off medical bills, you have no idea.

 

I'm not bragging, I am stating a fact.  So here's my recommendation.  

 

If you have the money that you can give this person offer up whatever YOU can afford.  If he/she doesn't want it or complains it isn't enough, move on....you did your best, it wasn't good enough for him/her....end of the discussion.

 

My husband was an investor.  That's totally different.  He loaned companies money and if they didn't pay up, he legally took over whatever the put up for collateral. 

 

Again, that's business and different.

 

My advice to you is to never LOAN money to someone.  The chances are you'll never get it back and it will be a wedge between you and the person.

 

Look at it this way, if they do pay you back, that's wonderful (it's extra icing on the cake...so to speak).  But if they don't and you don't expect it.....no hurt feelings.

 

They must be in a difficult spot to ask to borrow it, so is the sky going to fall in and they'll pay you back?  Probably not because when they do get the money (for real, not what they're telling you), they'll need it to live because, think about it, they're already behind....trying to catch up.

 

You seem like wonderful people.  You do the best you can.  That's all any of us can do.  There were probably times when you and your husband could have done some frivolous, stupid things to spend money on but you were careful and paid YOUR bills.  Right?  

Life is all about choices.  So, to reiterate.  If you said you'd give X amount and it wasn't good enough.  You did your part.

 

Please don't let it upset you anymore.  It sounds like it is upsetting you.

 

Unless it is life or death that very instant.....and even if it is, they'll find someone who could also help.

 

I have a feeling it was easier to get a lump sum from one person than to ask several to come up with the amount they need?  Maybe I'm wrong.

 

There's a saying, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth".  They could go to several people to ask what they could do (amount, etc) to help them.  

 

I know I sound tough.  I guess I am.  I could tell you some stories of people my late husband loaned money to and the land we acquired (and developed and on and on)...that was business.  One guy when my husband died kept sending me money orders for a few dollars....here and there.  

 

I let him do it for a few months.  Then the amount due got down to a few hundred dollars.  I called him and told him he didn't need to send anymore money.  I told him my husband would have wanted me to end the loan and consider it paid in full.  He was very grateful.  OMG!  It got to the point where he was sending me $5 money orders. 

 

It was obvious the poor guy was struggling.  He was a good honest person who was always subjecting his family to schemes to make money....  I'm sure his wife was grateful I'd ended the loan.

 

This all goes back to "either give it to them" or don't but lending to family is a very hairy thing.  It causes problems and seldom works out.

 

I'm just telling you what has always worked for my late husband and myself.

 

Please don't be upset anymore.  You sound like a wonderful, kind person.  You did your best.  That's all any of us can do.  

 

Have a good weekend sweet girl.Heart

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,575
Registered: ‎06-13-2011

@Lucky Charm   I agree with you.   That's an awful lot of money and I would be worried about why he needs it.   A call such as this from someone out of the blue is a bit troubling.     In this situation I would just lay low and not say a word to anyone about the call.  

 

If he has a good job why not go to a bank or credit union for a personal loan.   I couldn't imagine asking anyone for such a large amount of money.   

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,482
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@itsmagic wrote:

It seems odd that someone who you hardly know or have contact with would hit you up for that much money.   But I guess there’s always a first. 


@itsmagic We had a car salesman we had seen exactly twice in our lives and a yard guy ask us for loans.  We were stunned.  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,457
Registered: ‎08-28-2010

Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend.....

 

No is no.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 744
Registered: ‎05-31-2018

I never seem to learn.  A few years ago a friend asked to borrow 300 dollars for her electric bill.  I thought about it for a day or so.  Called her and said that I knew ahe had no way to pay me back, so I would give her a hundred towards her bill and she did not have to pay me back.  The next day, I took her to lunch and gave her the 100 bucks.  That night she posted a picture on facebook of her and her kids eating dinner at chili's.

 

A few months ago. we were expecting hurrican Dorian to hit.  My other friend was so upset over losing power and she had no generator.  So dummy here, purchased a generator for her family with the understanding they would pay me back.  I haven't seen a cent.  

 

I think I learned now.