Lending money - Page 8

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@novamc1 You could be right. He and his wife seem to spend a lot of money on nonessential things. They are always telling us and everyone else about their recent trips or new something. And, he drinks a lot and is a mean drunk.

DH mentioned to me last evening that the last time we saw him was when he lost playing a game called corn whole ing (can't use the correct spelling here) where you toss a bean bag into a board with a hole in it..it was his equipment so, after ranting he just grabbed it and left. That was two summers ago.

I can't afford to lose $5000 and would never lend to someone I really don't know very well except for what he and his wife tells us. I've never been to their home, nor they to ours.

I was shocked when he called. He has never called before for anything.

Well, DH left early this morning, so if he calls back, he will get me again.

esmerelda · ‎03-10-2010

@Carmie wrote:
@Lucky Charm wrote:
I wouldn't *poke the bear* and say anything about keeping your money in your own pocket.

Desperate times can make people desperate.

I'd feign poverty, if he called back.

And I wouldn't say a word to anyone else in the circle of friends/acquaintances. Let them talk about it first, at least. But I wouldn't say anything that would tick the guy off, if it got back to him. And I think it would.

Hope it's blown over for you.
I am not afraid of this guy or his wife. I don't care of anything gets back to him. I am a pretty straight forward person. I don't need an excuse to say no and owe him no explanation.

My DH is going tomorrow morning to remove leaves from the deck, they are probably 3 ft high by now) and check on our property at the Lake. Going with him is his friend who has a place there also (part of the couple we are very close with). I am sure my DH will discuss this with him. They will be gone most of the day.

I have waited all night for Dave to call back..he hasn't. Maybe he wil try again tomorrow when DH is away. Hopefully, he won't.

Perhaps he found some money elsewhere.

@CarmieMaybe he was desperate enough he killed himself.

I agree...don't give him money. And it WOULD be a gift.

As far as discussing within the circle of friends,,,if your DH says something to his friend today, that's him. IMO you should still wait until you hear it from someone else. Not out of fear, but decency. If you were unfortunate (or foolish) enough to be in the same position, wouldn't you appreciate the same consideration?

*********************
Keepin' it real.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@esmerelda I never said I would discuss this in our circle of friends...just with one couple that we are very good friends with. We see them often and talk a few times a week. My DH is going to spend all day with the male half.

I am sure they will talk about this. It won't go any further.

novamc1 · ‎07-02-2015

@Carmie

The fellow who kept hitting my husband up for money also drank way too much for many years. We did hang out with him on many occasions, so I was very familiar with him in social settings.

Alcohol probably was his downfall that prevented using his advantages for his own financial benefit, and in later years, probably fueled his nerve to beg money from other people.

My husband wasn't the only friend he was asking for money. An entire circle of our friends had been approached with similar requests, and no one made any effort to keep it a secret.

When a loser is loose in the neighborhood, there's no harm in spreading a warning that people should hang on tight to their wallets.

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

@esmerelda, your first sentence in post 72, what a terrible thing to say to the OP.

kitty60 · ‎03-13-2010

Love your post. There is a difference between generosity and business. People are presumptious though. I have worked hard all my life, have gone without when necessary and invested wisely. Today, I can say I am comfortable. Why do people who have spent every cent on pleasures think that I would want to give away mine because they made different choices. I have a soft spot for persons who had no control over the circumstances leaving them in a certain position and do not hesitate if I see a need. This could be a health issue, job loss, family circumstanses or catastrophe.

I am associated with a faith based women's group and we try to help in so many areas but were taken by one of our own who plead a dire need. We rallied around her and supported her only to find out we had all been conned. I guess I had a sense when it occurred because when she called me I told her I only gave what I could afford to and "loaned" her $200 much less than many in the group. Later she offered me $50 towards that and I told her I forgave the money keep it to give to someone else. I honestly feel if I had accepted that payment she would have asked for more citing the fact she had paid me That was several years ago and today when new people arrive in our church she continues to ask for money for her need! Her husband and her own several pieces of undeveloped land and some offered to "buy" the land in exchange for payment. Immediately they transferred the land to their children. One person was smart enough to have a note written up and signed so it was legally binding. This is the only one who has gotten paid. Think she found a Ponzi scheme of her own.

Financialgrl · ‎03-13-2010

@kitty60 wrote:
Love your post. There is a difference between generosity and business. People are presumptious though. I have worked hard all my life, have gone without when necessary and invested wisely. Today, I can say I am comfortable. Why do people who have spent every cent on pleasures think that I would want to give away mine because they made different choices. I have a soft spot for persons who had no control over the circumstances leaving them in a certain position and do not hesitate if I see a need. This could be a health issue, job loss, family circumstanses or catastrophe.

I am associated with a faith based women's group and we try to help in so many areas but were taken by one of our own who plead a dire need. We rallied around her and supported her only to find out we had all been conned. I guess I had a sense when it occurred because when she called me I told her I only gave what I could afford to and "loaned" her $200 much less than many in the group. Later she offered me $50 towards that and I told her I forgave the money keep it to give to someone else. I honestly feel if I had accepted that payment she would have asked for more citing the fact she had paid me That was several years ago and today when new people arrive in our church she continues to ask for money for her need! Her husband and her own several pieces of undeveloped land and some offered to "buy" the land in exchange for payment. Immediately they transferred the land to their children. One person was smart enough to have a note written up and signed so it was legally binding. This is the only one who has gotten paid. Think she found a Ponzi scheme of her own.

@kitty60 - I've read an article about scams and there is a name for ones happening within churches - affinity scams. They prey on the goodness of people's generosity but unlike your situation - they usually attach some sort of disease they need money to fight and then take money and run - often, as in entirely move on to the next church.

esmerelda · ‎03-10-2010

@CelticCrafter wrote:
@esmerelda, your first sentence in post 72, what a terrible thing to say to the OP.

@CelticCrafter I should have added to @Carmie "And that would have NOTHING to do with you and IN NO WAY should you feel badly about it if he does/did."

*********************
Keepin' it real.

kitty60 · ‎03-13-2010

Sadly, I think many persons wishes she had moved on. Pastor even called law enforcement about it and they said their was nothing they could do.

icezeus · ‎10-30-2010

@Cats3000 wrote:
You shouldn't have to avoid answering the phone. As I said elsewhere, if he calls again tell him to stop, NOW. If he continues to call, you may need to see an attorney or call your local PD. You may have remedies that way.

@Cats3000

The police have more important things to do, and I would not waste my money on an attorney. The OP is handling it in the correct manner. Her and her Husband have a united front of NO!!, and the distant friend who they have not spoken with will move on to try and find someone else to get the money from.