Reply
Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,477
Registered: ‎06-11-2011

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

@Still Raining. Huh? She said she cancelled the IHop meeting. Si she thought that wasn't OK either.
Valued Contributor
Posts: 732
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

You have to do what you think is right.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,921
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

You have to do what you think is right for you and your husband and no one should have anything to say about it.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,696
Registered: ‎03-19-2014

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

I'm sure your daughter and her family are disappointed as well as you.  However, we each have to make decisions we feel are in our best interest and your daughter should understand and support those decisions.  I am not going to any holiday dinners either this year.  I wish my own mother would be a little more cautious.  

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
- Author Unknown
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,546
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays


@caroln242 wrote:

I had planned to meet my daughter for breakfast at Ihop this morning but I decided to cancel because of the spike in virus cases in my area.  I live in what they call a "hot spot".  So does she actually.  She lives about 100 miles away and was coming through my town on her way to Florida for vacation.  While we were talking on the phone my daughter started discussing Christmas plans and is really disappointed my husband and I decided we shouldn't come to her house for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year.  We thought it best to stay away since she is dating someone who has 2 teenage daughters that will be there and we have no idea if they practice social distancing,  etc.   Plus I have 1 teenage granddaughter who I would imagine isn't following the guidelines either.  And an ex-son in law who always shows up  and doesn't do anything he's supposed to.

 

I also mentioned the CDC is recommending not to attend family gatherings with people not in your own household.  And if you do, wear a mask in the house, keep 6 feet away from everyone and open windows to let in fresh air.  Well, that's not going to happen in my family I'm sure.  So, all in all, it just seemed like a bad idea right now.

 

She was quiet on the phone and just said, okay.  I couldn't tell if she was upset or mad or disappointed really.  It was really hard to break the bad news to her because she's always placed at lot of importance on being with family at the holidays.  Anyway, I told her we're just going to keep doing what we've been doing all these months...stay home or go to the grocery store.  Come to think of it,  going to Walmart is probably more dangerous than going to her house for Christmas.

 

I'm just kind of venting here, no need for advice or anything since the decision is already made.  I know there's lots of people that think I'm being overly cautious (probably my daughter too), but I'm 72 years old and I figure one year of skipping the holidays isn't the end of the world.  And maybe by staying away this year, I'll be around for many more holidays!

 

I just wish I didn't feel like such a chicken hearted jerk.  I don't consider myself paranoid about COVID, but I try to just take normal recommended precautions.  I'm not even sure I believe all these COVID numbers that are being spewed out, but I'm just not ready to risk it.

 

Sorry for the long post.  Just off-loading a little.  Smiley Frustrated


@caroln242   Ok.  Here is my very hard-line take on this.  

 

Sorry but you have NO reason to feel that way whatsoever.  Neither does your daughter to be upset, hurt or peeved.  Tell her to grow up.  It is a disappointment and we all have a LOT of them in life.

 

A disappointment is not worth risking someone's life or health over and that is simply an adult, rational, sound decision. 

 

Your health is worth more than a disappointment. Being upset or mad is far better than the grief of losing someone you love or even the pain of seeing them very very ill.  Fortunately you can do something to help prevent it in this case.

 

Sincerely, best wishes and I hope and pray you have many many more holidays to celebrate together after this one!  Focus on that!  And make some happy memories this year too!  You can do it!  

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,003
Registered: ‎06-24-2019

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

You did the right thing.  Vent away

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,407
Registered: ‎10-14-2016

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

@caroln242   I'm sure she is disappointed, but I'm also sure she understands.  You have to do what you believe is best for you.  That is how I am getting through each day.  Good luck to you,I know it wasn't an easy decision to make.  If we all stay safe we can hopefully enjoy each other for many holidays in the future.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,072
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

I disinvited my daughter and granddaughter to our traditional Thanksgiving dinner. They were thrilled that I let them off the hook. Here in the northeast, we are seeing upticks in Covid infection rates. We will Zoom our coast to coast Thanksging dinner. We MUST take the advice of the doctors. I'll stay home and so will my kids. That is being sensible and realistic, not wimpy.

New Contributor
Posts: 5
Registered: ‎09-21-2014

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

I totally understand. I'm in the same boat. My daughter and grands live 600 miles from me so travel by plane is out right now. I feel sad not being able to be with my family for the holidays, especailly since I live alone. But my daughter understands and in fact supports that I not travel during this pandemic. I'm 75 with several at risk issues. Enjoy the holidays with your husband and look forward to next Christmas being a glorious family reunion! Stay safe.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,455
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Re: Just told daughter I'm not coming for holidays

I understand where you are coming from.  DH and I are also in our 70's.  DH thinks we should not have it, and as much as I want to, I think he may be right. I'm just starting to gain strength back from some dental problems, tooth infections, extraction, and root canal problems.  I almost ended up in the hospital from reactions to so much antibiotics, steroids, and narcotic pain meds. I'm still quite weak. Also, steroids make you more susceptible to catch things plus they haven't wanted to give me my flu shot till I show more improvement. Wow....I think I just talked myself out of it!!! 

 

Our daughter did mention the other day she thinks this new thing about family gatherings is going too far.  We don't live in a hot spot so maybe that's why she feels that way.  Still, here in Indiana, covid is on the rise and each person has to do what they think best. This is just one of those things that people will differ on and that's ok.