Community Chat

[Abrowneyegirl]

Not something I think about (only when we are called to update living wills, etc)

But in our am walk one of my friends was quite upset now that she has learned about a family will dispersion.

The question on the table was which is more fairness-thus avoiding hard feelings.

Parents dividing assets between each child equally

OR

Dividing between each child and grandchild and great-grandchild, etc equally.

What happened was instead of the assets being divided between 3 people, the children.  The assets were divided amongst 12 people

1 daughter had 4 children and 2 grand-children

1 son  has 3 children 

1 daughter as no children (of course since she has no children she was also primary care-taker of the parents)

I always heard you divide between the children then sub-divide between the next generation.

I can see where she is upset.

[Anonymous032819]

In my opinion, the division should be between the adult children only.

Then, if the adult children want their own kids to get anything, they, the adult children, can divide it up as they see fit.

[tends2dogs]

I think the word "fair" depends on the person leaving the money and who they want to get what of THEIR money.  In other word, a person can leave what ever they want to whoever they want.

If you are talking a lot of money, leaving money to the grandkids is a nice gesture.  I personally believe that the children of the deceases should benefit more than the grand kids.  There are so many factors that could go into the decision of who gets what.....relationships, family fights, you name it. 

I don't think there is a right or wrong way.  

[lovesrecess]

My DD who is an attorney, does a lot of wills for friends and some former colleagues. When I was updating my will, she told me that normally people will leave the estate to the adult children. It then is their responsibility to disperse it to their own kids or grandkids as they see fit, or in some cases, probably give them nothing. She said unless clients are super-wealthy, the "trust fund" tradition doesn't seem to be done much anymore. I don't know how anyone could have their feelings hurt if they got the money instead of their kids.

[NickNack]

I would be very upset if I was the daughter with no children.  I think the assets should have been divided among the children, not the grandchildren.  I think it's very unfair the way it was done.

[Snowpuppy]

Here's my take on wills. Live your own life as tho no one "owes" you a thing and you'll never be disappointed.

I've known several people who lived waiting for their "one day" that never arrived. They were misled, openly deceived or someone changed their mind shortly before death.

[tends2dogs]

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@NickNack wrote:

I would be very upset if I was the daughter with no children.  I think the assets should have been divided among the children, not the grandchildren.  I think it's very unfair the way it was done.

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I have to agree with you, @NickNack  in this particular situation, especially since the daughter with no kids took care of the parents.

In my post, I said that the children should be the recipients in most cases. They can then disperse to their children any way they want to or not.  

[haddon9]

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@NickNack wrote:

I would be very upset if I was the daughter with no children.  I think the assets should have been divided among the children, not the grandchildren.  I think it's very unfair the way it was done.

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Iagree!  Particularly since she was the caregiver!

As for my mom, she originally gave my brother one third, me one third and my two kids were to share one third.  She changed it to half for me & half for my brother...I can give my kids money one my own.

[tends2dogs]

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@Snowpuppy wrote:

Here's my take on wills. Live your own life as tho no one "owes" you a thing and you'll never be disappointed.

I've known several people who lived waiting for their "one day" that never arrived. They were misled, openly deceived or someone changed their mind shortly before death.

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I agree, @Snowpuppy .  People sitting around waiting for the inheritance are pretty sick in my opinion.  

I also don't get people that scrimp through life so they can leave $$ to their kids.  Unless you have a child that is going to need care for the rest of their life, people should live their life, enjoying what they can afford and then if their is anything left when you are gone, it can go to whoever you designate......whether it is your kids, charities, whatever.

[threecees]

I definitely can understand and feel bad for the primary caregiver.

I am one of 3 surviving children who takes care of my parent full

time while my 2 siblings do nothing and will one day be looking for

their share.

They can keep looking too.