Community Chat

[SaRina]

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@mrsbear wrote:

The reason that it becomes my business is that she wants me to do things which require communication in a timely fashion.  She doesn't answer the landline and seldom sees the flashing light of the answering machine.  When her daughter can't reach her, she calls me in frustration.  She has a recently diagnosed heart condition and her daughter imagines the worst when she is babysitting for the grandchild and can't be reached.

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 You can do things for her (make phone calls, assist in setting up appointments and tests), but once you have done that, it's out of your hands.  Ultimately, it is her business how she wishes to handle her affairs.  If she can't be reached to confirm an appointment, for example, that's on her.  Maybe if that happens often enough, she will make the decision to be more responsible in terms of her communication choices. I think you need to seriously take a step back and not assume responsibility for her.

[nana59]

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink......but you might could snag a hug! (sorry, couldn't resist!)

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Just noticed your picture!!  Great minds think alike!!

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink......but you might could snag a hug! (sorry, couldn't resist!)

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[DoneTryin]

OK, your thread title stated that you needed to vent & you have.  You've also received numerous opinions from other posters which you may or may not like.  I hope the venting at least helped take some of the pressure off your mind.

I once had a friend headed in a downward spiral due to severe depression.  She couldn't find a job & was running out of money, so she just stopped answering her phone (this was before "everyone" had a cell phone).  Maybe not answering either of her phones is your friend's way of coping.

[Mz iMac]

"her daughter insisted that she had to have a cell phone that worked before she would let her babysit."

If my daughter said that to me, I would be sitting on death row.

[RedTop]

I certainly understand your frustration with your friend, and feel she should make sure she is available under the circumstances you describe.    I also admit to being one of those people who does not want to be tied to my cell phone.   I do however keep it charged, have it on, and have it with me, altho it rarely leaves my handbag when I am out and about.   I have carried a cell phone for many years, for the sole purpose of staying in touch with my daughters, who are always on the go.   

Last week my husband had a procedure.  I intentionally did not provide my cell number on his hospital paperwork, as I knew I would be in the waiting room and readily available.   When the nurse asked for my cell number, I simply stated I would be found in the waiting room watching TV.   

I am not one of those people who use my cell phone for business; I do not use my cell phone for anything other than texting with my daughters, my siblings, and two closest friends.   Only a dozen people close to me have my phone number, and that is the way I choose to keep it.   

[willdob3]

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@mrsbear wrote:

The reason that it becomes my business is that she wants me to do things which require communication in a timely fashion.  She doesn't answer the landline and seldom sees the flashing light of the answering machine.  When her daughter can't reach her, she calls me in frustration.  She has a recently diagnosed heart condition and her daughter imagines the worst when she is babysitting for the grandchild and can't be reached.

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I understand your frustration & that you are attempting to help your friend. That said, she obviously is unwilling to do the things she could to be available when people need to reach her.

Make it NOT your business anymore and let her know you won't be doing things that require communication in a timely manner because she is unable/unwilling to do her part. Let her daughter and anyone else who complains about her to you know they will need to find another way to deal with the problem.

Your friend may or may not eventually take responsibility. Maybe your taking care of things for her is one reason she hasn't done that herself. If she remains hard to reach someone else will take over or she will miss very important calls - perhaps medical emergencies - and she will have to deal with that. 

For your own sake let go of this. Stop doing for her. It is not your problem or responsibility and let others know that. 

[mrsbear]

She said her mom had to have a cell phone that worked because her heart condition initially required that she not lift anything heavy-obviously a problem with a 2 year old. Also,her daughter lives in a rural area and has no close neighbors who could help out if there was an emergency.  I thought her "demand" was very reasonable given my friend's initial denial of her problem.  Her daughter was worried that something would happen and that she wouldn't be able to receive calls or call out.  Her daughter has no land line.

[mrsbear]

Anyway-thanks again for listening.  I will try not to care about this issue any longer...it just seems so obvious to me that it is hard to just drop the topic. I appreciate everyone's input.

[colliegirls]

Leave her a message on her landline and cell phone and don't worry about it further. When she gets back to you, then proceed.  She won't do anything she doesn't want to do.

[KingstonsMom]

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@mrsbear wrote:

Thanks for all the input-it remains a mystery to me why she would rather be the object of jokes in her family about her phone use or lack thereof instead of acknowledging that it is necessary for many reasons. The logical solution is for me not to be so available to her at a moment's notice I suppose.  We have always had a good relationship but this is difficult.  When her heart problems were diagnosed, her daughter insisted that she had to have a cell phone that worked before she would let her babysit.  I helped her buy and set one up with all the bells and whistles so that her daughter would be more agreeable to her babysitting.  

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@mrsbear

If her heart problems are so bad, should she be responsible for a child?

What if she had a cardiac event, stroke, etc., and couldn't call anyone, what would the child do, other than be terrified, especially since her Mom works "fairly far away"?

If I were that Mom, I would make alternative baby sitting arrangements.