Community Chat

[mrsbear]

It has taken me years to convince my best friend she needed a cell phone-she has an elderly mother and mother in law who are both ill and in nursing homes, she has a young grandaughter who she often babysits for and whose mom works fairly far away, and she has a husband who travels on the Interstate to get to work.  All these things made the need for a cell phone obvious. However; getting her to keep it charged and turned on has turned into a battle.  I work for her Family Physician and when she has requested that a test be arranged or a prescription be called in, it often takes 6-7 tries before she can be reached.  The excuses vary from: I forgot to charge the phone, the charger is unplugged, the phone is in my purse and I couldn't hear it etc. etc.  I finally blew up today when, after a lengthy phone battle with her insurance company, we were finally able to get a prior authorization for a test she needs.  Sent the order to the facility and of course got a phone call that they couldn't reach her.  No place is going to try repeatedly -two or three tries is it.

When I forcefully told her how self centered her attitude was, her response was: "I don't want to be tied to my phone.  I don't want it on all the time."  Of course, the unspoken part of those words was " like you do."  I then said fine but don't ask people to do things for you if you refuse to be available.

The ridiculous part is that she is a teacher and if her students behaved in this petulant, defiant way she would have none of it. I know that she would never forgive herself if something happened to her mother and the nursing home couldn't reach her.  It is as though she is playing a game with other people's time and effort.  

[Peaches McPhee]

I suggest you give up this particular battle. 

[qualitygal]

She didn't want it in the first place. This seems passive/agressive. Let her be responsible for her actions. JMHO

[susan kay]

Relationships aren't simple.  I understand that, but you are not her keeper.  I would communicate with her as if she didn't have a cell phone.  In other words, use her home phone (geesh, I hope she has an answering machine) for personal and business communications.  Then, drop it and make the cell phone issue a moot point.  Too aggravating for you!!   Simplify your life.  

[scotnovel]

I don't understand why you think it is your business to chastise her (forcefully according to you) because she doesn't handle her phone & her personal business as you think she should?  She is an adult and can decide for herself how much she wants to be connected to the world.  You call her "my friend",  but it seems like that might only be on your terms.   If you were my "friend", I would cut ties with you. 

[mrsbear]

The reason that it becomes my business is that she wants me to do things which require communication in a timely fashion.  She doesn't answer the landline and seldom sees the flashing light of the answering machine.  When her daughter can't reach her, she calls me in frustration.  She has a recently diagnosed heart condition and her daughter imagines the worst when she is babysitting for the grandchild and can't be reached.

[Anita Hug]

Any "friend" who forcefully tried to tell me anything would no longer be my friend. Friends  should respect the wishes of eash other even if they do not agree.

I have a cell phone, but it is only for emergencies. I do not keep it on, and I only give the number out to those closest to me. If someone needs to reach me, all they have to do is call my home number - and leave a message. I'll call back as soon as I can. 

When did we as a society get to the place where it is an expectation that others be available 24/7?    My daughter once drove to my house in a panic because I didn't answer her texts right away. I had been working in my garden, then came in to take a bath. If I'm actually expecting a call, I'll keep a phone nearby. But if I'm not, don't expect me to drop everything to respond.  I'm not talking days, I generally get back to people within a couple of hours, and I make no apology for having my own life and priorities.

[KingstonsMom]

I hate cell phones and I only turn it on when I leave home, in case of a breakdown, emergency, etc.

On the other hand, I give no one my cell #, only family, I prefer that everyone else leave a message at my home, so I don't forget the appt. time and may not have a pen/paper handy to write it down while taking a cell phone call.

[qualitygal]

---

@mrsbear wrote:

The reason that it becomes my business is that she wants me to do things which require communication in a timely fashion.  She doesn't answer the landline and seldom sees the flashing light of the answering machine.  When her daughter can't reach her, she calls me in frustration.  She has a recently diagnosed heart condition and her daughter imagines the worst when she is babysitting for the grandchild and can't be reached.

---

They have put you in the middle, as though it's your responsibility. They need to make other arrangements (in my book). I don't think that's fair to any of you. Daughter needs to find another person, you still work, and you're probably busy. Daughter may need to find another sitter.  Again, JMHO

[Kitlynn]

First of all it really isn't your responsibility to make her use her cell phone properly or to fix things for her when they don't work out. Now that being said since she ask you to help her and you get the calls from the daughter when she doesn't answer then you might just tell her in a nice way that you aren't going to be able to help her with things in the future if she doesn't start using the cell phone to help herself. I would also suggest that you see if she would agree to keep her cell phone charger by her purse plugged in and then just put it on the charger when she is home. When she leaves take it off of the charger and put it in her purse turned on. Then when she gets home take it out of her purse and put it back in the charger. Sometimes a simple routine with them will make a huge difference. I do this all the time with mine and then it is always fully charged and ready to go when I am out and about. Also she might just write herself a note and leave it by her coffee pot or whatever she uses on a daily basis to check her messages. If she doesn't want to do any thing that might help herself with things that need to be handled then I would just very nicely bow out of taking any responsibility to help her.