I need to vent Re: my friend and cell phones - Page 4

willdob3 · ‎11-01-2010

@mrsbear wrote:
She said her mom had to have a cell phone that worked because her heart condition initially required that she not lift anything heavy-obviously a problem with a 2 year old. Also,her daughter lives in a rural area and has no close neighbors who could help out if there was an emergency. I thought her "demand" was very reasonable given my friend's initial denial of her problem. Her daughter was worried that something would happen and that she wouldn't be able to receive calls or call out. Her daughter has no land line.

It defeats the purpose when they make it all but impossible for you to help. Really.

The problem is not that these people have no way to communicate but that your friend seems not to want to communicate. It is her choice. You can't make her do want she does not want to do even if it is in her best interest.

Maybe they need to get your friend a medical alert thing to wear so she can press it if she needs help.

You've done your best and all that have happened is that you are very stressed out about the situation. It is not working so they need to try something else. I know it is hard to do (been in similar situations) but you need to let go of this. Talk with the daughter. Stand firm.

millieshops · ‎03-09-2010

Sorry, but I don't think this venting is anything about health and safety.

As for emergencies regarding the women in the nursing home - pretty much all that can be handled prior to any emergency and in an emergency that wasn't covered, a good facility will act even without contact. At least that's how it worked for the 44 months, I was the signature person for an elderly aunt.

And the daughter who panics? She knows her mother has a diagnosed condition and has decided it's safe to leave her toddler in her care-- a cell phone will protect her? Really?

mrsbear · ‎06-15-2015

I'm not sure why anyone thinks my concern isn't about health and safety but that is your prerogative. I brought up the elderly relatives and the other issues as an illustration of why she needs to be available-not 24/7 but at least moderately available. She has many people who may potentially need to reach her and yet she seems to attribute some sort of superiority to being out of the loop. Having known her forever, I know she would be very upset if there was a problem with her family and no one could contact her.

I also agree that babysitting could potentially be a problem, but I would never tell her she shouldn't. I was trying to help her avoid conflict with her daughter. Medication seems to be keeping the problem under control but obviously her daughter still needs to be able to reach her.

Ironically, she complains bitterly if she can't reach her husband on his cell because he doesn't answer. She has also been hurt when her daughter has not answered her calls.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@Anita Hug wrote:
Any "friend" who forcefully tried to tell me anything would no longer be my friend. Friends should respect the wishes of eash other even if they do not agree.

I have a cell phone, but it is only for emergencies. I do not keep it on, and I only give the number out to those closest to me. If someone needs to reach me, all they have to do is call my home number - and leave a message. I'll call back as soon as I can.

When did we as a society get to the place where it is an expectation that others be available 24/7? My daughter once drove to my house in a panic because I didn't answer her texts right away. I had been working in my garden, then came in to take a bath. If I'm actually expecting a call, I'll keep a phone nearby. But if I'm not, don't expect me to drop everything to respond. I'm not talking days, I generally get back to people within a couple of hours, and I make no apology for having my own life and priorities.

I couldn't have written this better!

There are people who want no part of being tied to phones, cell or land lines. And there is nothing wrong with it, as long as they are willing to accept the responsibility and the consequences that come from not being easily reached.

My cell lives in the car, and I don't even look at it for a week at a time, sometimes. I, too, won't apologize for not being tied to the phone. Leave a message and be done with it. If I miss out on something, that is my thing to deal with. Same goes for the OP's friend. She's a big girl, let her deal with things on her own, in her own way, and let her deal with what she misses because of her phone habits.

I used to get chastised by friends who would email me and not get answered. I used to go months and never check email. But there is indeed this expectation today, that if one contacts someone by call, email, or text, there should be a response within minutes. Well, don't hold your breath with me!

This society is way too involved and dependent on technology. Most people not only don't WANT to live with less or none of it, but I don't think would be able to if they had to.

mrsbear · ‎06-15-2015

@Mominohio wrote:
@Anita Hug wrote:
Any "friend" who forcefully tried to tell me anything would no longer be my friend. Friends should respect the wishes of eash other even if they do not agree.

I have a cell phone, but it is only for emergencies. I do not keep it on, and I only give the number out to those closest to me. If someone needs to reach me, all they have to do is call my home number - and leave a message. I'll call back as soon as I can.

When did we as a society get to the place where it is an expectation that others be available 24/7? My daughter once drove to my house in a panic because I didn't answer her texts right away. I had been working in my garden, then came in to take a bath. If I'm actually expecting a call, I'll keep a phone nearby. But if I'm not, don't expect me to drop everything to respond. I'm not talking days, I generally get back to people within a couple of hours, and I make no apology for having my own life and priorities.

I couldn't have written this better!

There are people who want no part of being tied to phones, cell or land lines. And there is nothing wrong with it, as long as they are willing to accept the responsibility and the consequences that come from not being easily reached.

My cell lives in the car, and I don't even look at it for a week at a time, sometimes. I, too, won't apologize for not being tied to the phone. Leave a message and be done with it. If I miss out on something, that is my thing to deal with. Same goes for the OP's friend. She's a big girl, let her deal with things on her own, in her own way, and let her deal with what she misses because of her phone habits.

I used to get chastised by friends who would email me and not get answered. I used to go months and never check email. But there is indeed this expectation today, that if one contacts someone by call, email, or text, there should be a response within minutes. Well, don't hold your breath with me!

This society is way too involved and dependent on technology. Most people not only don't WANT to live with less or none of it, but I don't think would be able to if they had to.

May I ask you a question-I don't mean anything personal, but does this attitude not seem very self-centered? I often read complaints on this board about timely responses to things like gifts or invitations, rude young people, nasty seniors etc. Does the attitude of "I'll answer when and if I feel like it" not seem egocentric to you?? I also note a general defiance with many and a hostility toward the person/s who have had the audacity to text, email, or call on your cell phone. Yet these same people would not hesitate to complain if their wants and needs are not attended to immediately. In our doctor's office, patients want everything now and if I tried to tell them not to expect a call back until I was good and ready to do it, I'd be out of a job!! Shouldn't the same courtesy be afforded to those in our personal lives too?

Mz iMac · ‎07-26-2014

@Mominohio

"accept the responsibility and the consequences that come from not being easily reached."

Sorry, I do not agree. What responsibility & consequences?

I do not own a cell phone nor does my 93 yr old mother. We do OWN landlines w/answering machines.

I can be easily reached when I am NOT home as well as I when I am at home. If the person DOES NOT leave a message on my answering machine, as far as I am concerned NO ONE CALLED! I even have the option to check my landline answering machine away from home if need be.

My questions to you....

What did you do BEFORE cell phones were invented? What consequences did you suffer? How were you irresponsible?

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@Mz iMac wrote:
@Mominohio
"accept the responsibility and the consequences that come from not being easily reached."

Sorry, I do not agree. What responsibility & consequences?
I do not own a cell phone nor does my 93 yr old mother. We do OWN landlines w/answering machines.
I can be easily reached when I am NOT home as well as I when I am at home. If the person DOES NOT leave a message on my answering machine, as far as I am concerned NO ONE CALLED! I even have the option to check my landline answering machine away from home if need be.

My questions to you....
What did you do BEFORE cell phones were invented? What consequences did you suffer? How were you irresponsible?

I think you mis interpreted my answer.

Everything in life has consequences.

There was mention that the 'friend' had a mother in a facility for instance, and might need to be reached. It was also mentioned that medical offices couldn't get in touch with her.

Unless this 'friend' is elderly or in some way not able to care for herself, (I admit I didn't read the entire thread but it didn't sound that way), then she has every right to not deal with the issues in her life. At the very least, the OP has no responsibility to try to make her conform to her ways. She has family, and if they feel she needs pressured, so be it.

So if nursing homes and doctor's offices or her daughter can't reach her because she won't answer the phone, and she is a competent person, she just needs to handle the fall out of that.

Those consequences could include a mad child who can't reach mom, her missing important information about her mother's condition or needs at the facility until it is 'too late', or missing testing or appointments at the doctor and incurring fees for missed appointments or health issues for not following up.

People generally learn when they have to clean up their own messes, and as long as she has a 'friend' who chases after her and fixes these things, she will continue not to do them for herself.

So I think if you re read my original response you will see that I agree with you and live exactly as you describe your mother and yourself (although I did say I have a cell, but it lives in my car and isn't used for long periods of time).

This 'friend' the OP writes about is making it difficult for others to reach her (it seems she is as bad with the land line as the cell). That is her right (although I don't think it smart) as well as her responsibility to clean up the messes that makes in her life.

@Mz iMac

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

I cannot be the only one who is thinking "thank GOD, I don't have a "friend" like that". If the woman doesn't want a cell phone, she doesn't want a cell phone. It's none of your business so why are harrassing her over this? Obviously, you have some type of agenda. Let it go, mind your business and if you really are a friend. Apologize to her because you certainly owe her one. A big one! Every time I read your post, it just sounds worse and worse.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@mrsbear wrote:
The reason that it becomes my business is that she wants me to do things which require communication in a timely fashion. She doesn't answer the landline and seldom sees the flashing light of the answering machine. When her daughter can't reach her, she calls me in frustration. She has a recently diagnosed heart condition and her daughter imagines the worst when she is babysitting for the grandchild and can't be reached.

She hasn't asked you to do a darm thing. If her daughtr calls you to track her down, decline. Just say, I don't know where your mom is and hang up. Her supposed heart condition is HER business. Not yours. There seems to be much more to this story, you seem to have a very unhealthy obsession with that woman. Perhaps you should "forcefully" tell yourself to butt out of that woman's life.

maestra · ‎03-09-2010

Speaking as a teacher, a behavior modifier is called' natural and logical consequence'. You are enabling her behavior by micro-managing it.

Let her experience the inconvenience of having to rearrange medical appointments and tests on her own. Yes, it's hard and you will feel badly.

Really, only she is responsible for her healthcare. You absolutely shouldnt be trying 6-7 times to reach her.

Friend or not, place this at her feet and remove yourself if possible. She should be treated like any other patient- and she is responsible for the outcome.