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Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,266
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Long story short, my mother passed away 1/31/20, I took care of her, we were very close. I feel that I should be further along in my grief process, but I'm not. Yesterday was the 10 year anniversary of my brother's death, we were very close too. My birthday is on the 13th of this month, I know it will be very sad and difficult day for me. My sister's mother-in-law's birthday is the day after mine, I sat listening to everything her children are planning for her, no plans for me. I know I would probably do well with therapy, but I am not the type to open up to a stranger. I feel there is a sadness surrounding me, I have no joy in my life.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,982
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@jordan2   I feel your pain.  We have sons  they don't do much for us for anniversaries or birthdays.   Are your children sons & her children's daughters? 

I'm very sentimental  so it hurts me more than it does DH.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,422
Registered: ‎05-01-2010

Plan something for your birthday that makes you feel good, a mani- pedi, a spa day or a lunch with a friend. Start exploring things you once loved and get involved again. Sad days will come and go but they shouldn't all be sad. Exercise also helps.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,049
Registered: ‎06-08-2011

Re: I'm In A Funk

[ Edited ]

Everyone you meet for the first time is a stranger.  Your doctors were strangers to you during your first appointment with them.  Would you not tell them what pains you were experiencing?

 

Grief has no timeline.  Don't measure yourself against what others tell you should or shouldn't be doing.

 

Anything can trigger grief and sadness.  Sometimes it's a milestone anniversary and sometimes it's nothing more than a day in the week or the weather or a song or even something mundane.  Understand what it is and know it's okay to feel this way.  

 

Let others know you feel empty or lonely or sad.  Others aren't mind readers, so don't expect them to know what's in your head. If you need to be around people, tell them that. 

 

You'll find joy when you find something that gives you purpose.  Many people find that in doing volunteer work.  I work with an organization that trains service dogs and I get to meet the people who receive the dogs.  I love animals, so I get the benefits of helping people and animals all at the same time.  

 

Life will never be what it was because you've lost people you love.  Life will be different, but it will be what you make it. You have to put some effort into it, but in time you'll find something that brings you the joy you seek. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,266
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

@Mary Bailey wrote:

@jordan2   I feel your pain.  We have sons  they don't do much for us for anniversaries or birthdays.   Are your children sons & her children's daughters? 

I'm very sentimental  so it hurts me more than it does DH.


I'm not married and don't have any children. I have a sister and she has children but they're grown and have their own lives. 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,011
Registered: ‎04-04-2014

@jordan2 , I'm so sorry for your losses.  Everyone's grief process is different and yours may take more time.  Don't try to rush it.

 

Happy birthday on July 13th!  Interesting-my granddaughter will be 10 and I take Communion to a woman who will be 97 on July 13.  A full range of life on that one day!  

I pray you will find peace and comfort! 🙏

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,563
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Good advive to take to heart @Jaspersmom .

Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,732
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I'm so very sorry, @jordan2. I hope you can find some joy even in something very little. And remember that we are here for you. Heart


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,982
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@jordan2 wrote:

@Mary Bailey wrote:

@jordan2   I feel your pain.  We have sons  they don't do much for us for anniversaries or birthdays.   Are your children sons & her children's daughters? 

I'm very sentimental  so it hurts me more than it does DH.


I'm not married and don't have any children. I have a sister and she has children but they're grown and have their own lives. 


@jordan2   I rejoice in your Birthday.   Please find your own joy

I'm trying to do that.  It's difficult.  Having DH & family does not guarantee happiness.  I also am in in a funk.  Truely.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 976
Registered: ‎03-15-2021

I agree that you need to plan something special for yourself. Even if it is as simple as treating yourself to your favorite cupcake or ordering your favorite take-out lunch. Don't let the day pass without doing something special for yourself. Meanwhile, we are thinking of you and want you to have better days ahead.