Community Chat

[CrazyKittyLvr2]

As many who visit the Wellness section know my husband passed away this past Saturday.  My sister came up (she's 2 hrs. away) on Friday when he was put on life support and I appreciated her coming more than you can imagine. She was with us when he died Sat.  He wanted no  service and I am honoring his wishes.  I told her she should go home as her own daughter and young granddaughter were upset and she should be with them. 

God love her,  I know she is concerned about my adult children and me but she has called several times and it's only been 48 hours since she left.

Understandably,  I am not sleeping well and constantly being asked how I am, should she come back up,  do I need anything, do I need money (no I don't), how are the kids, etc. is working my last frayed nerve.

I probably sound terrible and I don't want to hurt her feelings but it's too much.

[RetRN]

Could you tell her that what you really need is just to rest and that you will call her when you want to talk? I know you don't want to sound rude or ungrateful for her care and concern. She probably feels helpless and doesn't know what else to do.

[Imaoldhippie]

Very understandable and your sis is concerned and loves you.

However, you need your grieving time.  How about telling her you will be turning off your phone for X number of hours or days to have some alone time with your thoughts and prayers.  And you will call her if you need anything and when you turn your phone back on.  Your adults kids should do the same.

God bless you dear heart.

[newname0]

My sister was estranged from us since her early thirties.  She died at 62 with no one around her to be with her.  

I wish I had a sister like your sister.  Count yourself lucky.

[CelticCrafter]

@CrazyKittyLvr2 , I don't think you sound terrible.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[dex]

.Right now you are emotionally and physically  drained and grieving so you have to do what’s best for you.I think your sister is trying so hard to ease your pain but sadly nobody can do that...just time.

[CrazyKittyLvr2]

@newname0   I know some people would give anything to have a sister like mine and I am very lucky,  I feel like such a jerk even talking about her concern. But between her callls I am also getting multiple calls from my numerous in-laws,  my friends and neighbors. I am going to have to put out the word to give me a couple of days and hope I don't sound like an ungrateful witch.

[Chicagosuburbangirl]

@CrazyKittyLvr2  My sincerest, heartfelt sympathy.

Well meaning people in our innermost circle can make us a little crazy sometimes.

Try, try, try with all your might to bite your tongue.

You may think, why do I have this burden placed upon me at one of the most awful times?

You know her heart is good, she may be awkward at expressing her role right now.

Sending prayers for your family.

[fancy pantsy]

@CrazyKittyLvr2 , again, i am so sorry for your loss.  i'm glad you came here to vent.

if you're at all like me, all your thoughts, feelings etc. are all  magnified because of the trauma .    cut yourself some slack here and recognize that  you are suffering right now, and this is just the way it is.  don't knock yourself around over it.  your sister is just doing what she needs to do ... and  as far as how to deal with her, i love the suggestions already posted!  please take care. 

[Abrowneyegirl]

You are not terrible or mean, you are suffering, in shock and mentally drained.

Your sister is upset and at a loss and I am sure worried about you beyond belief.

Perhaps you can a set a schedule to check in with her so you are in control of the schedule and the type of contact (call/text/etc) so that she does not feel like she is not "doing enough" to be there for you.

Some people fear death after the death of a loved one and she may overly fearful of losing you too.

Again so sorry for your terrible loss.