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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,495
Registered: ‎05-03-2014

Sorry if anyone gets offended by these questions, but I can't think of a nicer way to put it.

Why are women so mean to each other and why are people so mean to most of the newest posters that join this forum? Again, if this offends, best to skip over it.

Thanks in advance. Smile

~Nick Chavez is my favorite vendor on QVC and Alberti Popaj is my favorite QVC host.~
Nick Chavez now has his own sub-forum under the My Favorite Brand folder
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,025
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

There is a surprising amount of nastiness here. I suspect it's people who have other bad issues going on in their lives and it's reflected here where they can be as mean as they want as they hide behind their monitors.

As for new people, sometimes posters here don't like it if someone new pops in with a post bashing a host, and I agree that's not a nice way to start off.

Just my 2 cents. Was someone mean to you, NC? Sometimes I think a person could post that she saved a kitten and someone here would have a mean comment....lol!!!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,495
Registered: ‎05-03-2014

Thanks for the response, happygal. No, no one's been mean to me lately (mostly because I steer clear of the hot topic threads, lol). I honestly was just wondering what makes so many women turn their claws on each other so easily. {#emotions_dlg.laugh} I can understand if someone's first post is cruel.

~Nick Chavez is my favorite vendor on QVC and Alberti Popaj is my favorite QVC host.~
Nick Chavez now has his own sub-forum under the My Favorite Brand folder
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 3,874
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

While some people approach the boards sincerely and somewhat seriously, looking for information, advice, and pleasant chat, others approach them playfully or sarcastically (at least sometimes) and find this anonymous forum a place to try out humor, satire, joust with others, and otherwise "horse around"a bit. I read and post here often, take what is enjoyable and useful, and leave the rest. There's really no need to get bent out of shape by comments made on an anonymous internet bulletin board.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,606
Registered: ‎06-27-2010

Hi, NC Bandwagon!

Regarding new posters being met with a skeptical eye, unfortunately there have been many who've created new accounts with the sole purpose of baiting, inflaming, inciting, and lots of established posters have become weary of the "game." (There are a few who target specific posters, and instead of using their known account they create a new one to follow and mock the people they don't like.) As a result, the "new" poster isn't always greeted warmly (to say the least), especially if they appear out of the blue with contentious posts or by immediately starting new threads.

I don't know why we encounter so much meanness here. For certain, it's present elsewhere on the internet, and I think it's worse when people are using silly nicknames (yep, mine is silly{#emotions_dlg.biggrin}), posting anonymously, and feeling less accountable. Also, as Bluegrassbaby said so well, the written word is limited and we don't always come across the way we intended.

Over time, most of us develop a bit of a thicker skin and find our own way to cope with the inevitable negativity. While it's easy to say "let it roll off," "don't take it seriously," etc., (and I often give that advice), the fact remains that there is a human being on the other side of the screen, and sometimes posters have seriously painful, upsetting things going on in their real life and are vulnerable -- and some people do get hurt. (And the sad commentary is the fact that a tiny minority of posters are counting on intentionally creating real hurt.)

I do my best to ignore the negative posters (I don't use the "ignore" feature, but I bypass those comments) because the best defense is to avoid acknowledging them, take the oxygen away -- they can't flourish without recognition.

That's my novella for now.{#emotions_dlg.laugh}

Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit—the parallel powers of your heart and mind—better than how you give feedback.~Maria Popova
Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,570
Registered: ‎09-01-2010
I too feel there is an unnecessary amount of meanness and rudeness on this board, and often wonder what someone actually gets out of responding so critically to another person. Being kind and helpful has never seemed that difficult to me, although I have seen repeatedly that it is impossible for certain posters here.
Valued Contributor
Posts: 706
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

I think that sometimes women are their own worst enemies. As far as new posters go, everybody was new at one time. I've seen some being criticized for seeming to know what's going on with the boards. It's very possible that they've been long time readers, and finally sign up so they can respond to a thread. I know I read for a couple of years before I finally signed up. I was quite familiar with a lot of the posters due to that.

New posters also get criticized for posting about a personal problem, and called fraud, etc. The person probably thought it's a good place to get opinions, since it's "anonymous" and they can talk freely. To see how they get pounced on is really sad, especially if they seem to be really hurting.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,495
Registered: ‎05-03-2014

To everyone here, thank you very much for explaining that. It sounds like the contention is a cross between misunderstandings and not being able to hear the tone of other people's voices. I guess I'll just have to grow a thicker skin then and not take things personally. {#emotions_dlg.laugh} Thanks again.

~Nick Chavez is my favorite vendor on QVC and Alberti Popaj is my favorite QVC host.~
Nick Chavez now has his own sub-forum under the My Favorite Brand folder
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

Why are women mean to each other - because they are carriers of the B**** gene. A few lucky souls have escaped being carriers. Those are sweet people you can be friends with. Few and hard to find.

I don't have an answer to your second question, other than to refer back to question #1.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,888
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

There's a lot of truth in the quote below. It helps put things in perspective.

"If we are willing to look at another person's behavior towards us as a reflection of the state of his relationship with himself rather than as a statement about our value as a person, then we will, over a period of time, cease to react at all." ~ Anonymous


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