Re: I Planed A Lunch Date

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Q4u wrote:
I'd ignore the whole thing and never bring it up to her. When I see her, I'd acknowledge her by smiling and waving like nothing ever happened. Nothing takes the wind out of sails than pretending nothing happened ..... besides, you're (and we're) not sure exactly what happened.... I'd let it go....

I agree. The whole thing is far too vague and minor to get upset about.

Jackhound Mom · ‎03-09-2010

Occasional,

That was really a nice post! You have my gratitude. I feel so much better after recieving opinions these last few days and plan to follow some of the relivant suggestions.

People in our lives can affect our own emotions. Another post asked abou lifet attitudes and my favorite rule of thumb is "The Golden Rule." I try to live by it and sometimes fall short but I hope I can do more good and little or no harm. None of us know how many days we have.

mamaslittlepotatoe · ‎04-24-2016

JackHound Mom you sound like a really nice lady. I'd love to have you as a neighbor. 😊 I agree with Occasional Rain; the remark about who cares was uncalled for. Obviously that poster cared enough to read your thread. 😊

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Just keep smiling, be cheerful and friendly with all of your neighbors. I wouldn't mention this incident at all. Just keep moving on in a cheerful way. Sometimes it's better to just smile and pretend that you didn't even notice and didn't even give it any thought at all.............

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

noodleann · ‎06-10-2015

@Jackhound Mom wrote:
It was for my neighbor Barb who retired. I called everyone on both sides of our street and reserved a table. There were 12 ladies and I planned on 3 riding with me, any three.

Susie just knows me well enough to say "hello" but when I called her she did not answer. Then I called her friend next door to her and the first question was "did you call Susie?" I said I had and she said " I'll call her and then I'll call you back and let you know if she is going!" She called me right back with a "yes."

Then the 2 of them talked Carol that was accepting a ride from me into calling me 10 minutes before we were to leave and informed my husband that she would be riding with them.

During the lunch Carol apoligized to me and said she felt obligated to ride with them. I could tell she felt bad but I assured her that it was alright.

The other 2 didn't speak to me through the whole meal until Susie threw a $10 at me for Barb's lunch but I explained that Barb's lunch was on my tab sense I invited her. She then called me something like "got rocks mama."

Thoughts?

Here are my thoughts, and I don't think anyone's said this yet.

If I invite someone to lunch, I'm paying and when someone invites me to lunch, they're paying, unless it's explicitly stated otherwise. Is it possible that the "got rocks" and throwing money at you were an expression of unhappiness that you didn't pick up the tab for them as well?

OTOH, there's another meaning for "rocks," although "stones" is more commonly used. If that was spin, there may be something that's gone on in the past that has set these two women against you. You might not even know about it. In my experience, dishonesty and a lack of candor are behavioral standards in superficial societies. Putting a face on things keeps the peace, but grudges can smolder.

If this is a formally organized community of retirees, I'd hope they'd have regular meet-and-greets for newcomers. If not, maybe you could suggest it. That way you wouldn't be seen as playing Lady Bountiful, even though your heart's in the right place.

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
To me, "got rocks" is the same thing as saying "you've got balls".

That is not what it means at all. Got rocks like in diamonds. It means you have a lot of money.

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

@mamaslittlepotatoe wrote:
JackHound Mom you sound like a really nice lady. I'd love to have you as a neighbor. 😊 I agree with Occasional Rain; the remark about who cares was uncalled for. Obviously that poster cared enough to read your thread. 😊

I took "Who cares?" to be in line with my posted thoughts (that the OP asked for, BTW), which is that the situation is extremely petty. I did not take it to mean, nor did I mean, that the OP or her post is unimportant or trivial.

When I intimated that the situation is petty, I meant it is too unimportant to analyze or fret about, or give it another thought. I don't try to figure people out at my age. How they present themselves is who they are. If a friend or acquaintance acts in a way not to my liking, I shrug and move on.... and I do not include them in my future plans. I don't waste my time or attention on them. End of story.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

What one dismisses as petty another may see as a concern. It's unfair to judge others who feel differently about a situation from you. Those who have manners, care about being considerate, would not see this as petty. I don't. Something like this in a small neighborhood can and has escalated.

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

occasionalrain wrote:
What one dismisses as petty another may see as a concern. It's unfair to judge others who feel differently about a situation from you. Those who have manners, care about being considerate, would not see this as petty. I don't. Something like this in a small neighborhood can and has escalated.

Of course, your first sentence is true... but the OP specifically asked for everyone's thoughts, which may differ from hers. Perhaps too many posters here post threads asking for opinions when all they want is to hear people echo their own feelings or pat them on the back. I don't know if that's the case here.

Referring to what I bolded in blue....I just finished explaining that saying "It's petty" referred to the situation being petty, NOT the OP or her feelings. Therefore, it is not passing judgment on the OP. I don't know how to make my explanation any clearer to you. My opinion (if that's allowed) is not to fret about others' behavior...... because IMO, their behavior is petty and is nothing to lose sleep over.

If the OP views the others' behavior in this situation as a concern, then she can continue to feel that way.... or, perhaps she will rethink her feelings and not see it as a big deal.... and, therefore, hopefully, feel better about it. See how that works?

Jackhound Mom · ‎03-09-2010

Thank you's to Candy & Romary!

Noodle,

I don't know of anything except speaking when encountered and the 2 holiday parties we missed but sent food and a gift to.

You may be right but of the outings I've heard about here everyone goes Dutch treat. I will ask the lady who first thought of this. If this is the case I could never affort to pay for all the lunches and would have just invited the ones I knew the best and that knew Barb.

Have a great Sunday,

Cat