Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Inte... - Page 7

mamaslittlepotato · ‎03-09-2010

If I were you, I wouldn’t say anything. It’s not worth possibly hurting a 50 year friendship over or possibly putting a damper on your meet up lunches. You only meet for lunch every couple of months, so just enjoy yourself and try to ignore it. Besides, you said she’s always been this way so she’s not going to change now.

SleeplessinSD · ‎11-01-2010

I agree with those that suggest when she interrupts or tries to take over a conversation that a simple 'please, let me finish what I was going to say before I forget' said enough times should eventually make her get the message. She sounds socially awkward, most likely because your get togethers every couple months are the only times she gets out with other people. She's definitely seeking attention and is looking for a sounding board when you're all together, while everyone else is there to have fun and catch up with all going on in each of your lives. I also think a one on one lunch/dinner with her would be great too. JMO..

~H~

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:
@jubilant wrote:
@JeanLouiseFinch Since you have known this woman and say she is a kind person, I'm assuming you know each other fairly well. Would it be possible for the two of you to have lunch together and address this problem with her alone and not in front of the others?

Be empathetic to her problems. Maybe she needs one good friend. She probably doesn't have many if she talks over everyone and has been in the habit of doing it for many years. If she really is the type that thinks she is always right....that is a different story. In that case it's each person's right whether or not to continue the relationship. Some people can take that and some can't. I have an aquaintance in my life that is like that and is always right. I limit how much time I spend with that person.
Also,I don't necessarily think that a person who is "always right" is a kind person. They may do kind things at times but most truely kind people I know don't think they are always right!
@jubilant Thank you for your thoughtful opinion. Getting together with her is probably unlikely. She still works so our group brunch requires her to take a day off work. I live a little over an hour from where we all meet. She is such a Nervous Nellie about driving too far from home that even asking her to meet me halfway on a Saturday would get her all wound up,

It's not that she thinks she's always right. It's that she doesn't listen because she's too busy anticipating where a story or thought is going and she inserts herself to say what she thinks the other person is about to say. As for her lot in life, I do feel sorry for her. Her husband was a total jerk. She took the berating and humiliation until her kids were able to get out on their own. I don't know that he ever got physical but it wouldn't surprise me. It seems to never fail, when we all get together, the conversations always turn to how bad he was, her wanting to meet someone, should she join dating sites, every detail of how bad things are, etc. I understand being a sounding board for a friend, but every time we're together? I feel bad for her but it gets really exhausting. Nobody wants to be the one to say anything and hurt her, but I did tell one of the other women that I would like to arrange our own lunch sometime so she and I would get to speak and catch up.

@JeanLouiseFinch I'm glad you explained that she is not an "always right" person. She sounds very anxious...almost like she needs medication for anxiety. I have a relative like her. It is a man and almost no one can get a word in edge-wise. It is frustrating because we don't want to hurt his feelings either. Every once in a while, I will say to him, "I'd like to say something"....so far that hasn't stopped him! I feel like, the older he gets the more hyperactive he becomes. Other relatives have spoken to me about it. In my case, I think my relative needs medication....but there again....how do you tell someone that. I feel for you.

bells4me · ‎03-13-2010

Ignore her OR don't go to the brunch.

HisElk1 · ‎09-29-2015

@JeanLouiseFinch , I thought about the post(s) that I wrote on your thread asking for thoughts.

I realize that I didn't give any thoughts/advice, etc. about how to handle this long time friend; however, I wanted to offer an apology for taking your thread 'off track' with my story. The story of your long time friend reminded me of what I experienced.

Please know that I sincerely hope that you can resolve what is going on and are able to maintain the long time friendship. I know that long time friends are not easy to come by as I, myself, have experienced. One of my long time friends is a gal who was in first grade with me and we still stay in touch.

I sincerely wish you the best and just wanted to convey that to you.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@JeanLouiseFinch

There are many ways to do it, but you need to bring this to her attention and give her a chance to correct it. It certainly can be said without hurting her feelings.

Personally, I like the saying "tell the truth with compassion".

If you constantly did something that really annoyed someone, and didn't realize it, wouldn't you want to know what it was?

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

Some people like to talk and like to hear themselves talk. The friend maybe one of those people.

It was mentioned that she has always been this way. If that is the case, it might difficult for her to change at this point in her life.

The OP can point it out to her and hope she will change or the friends can continue to put up with it or they either invite her to less gatherings or decide not to include her any further.

I think most of us have a friend like the OP's. My friend who I don't speak to on a regular basis, can talk non-stop for about a hour before she'll ask what's going on with me.

I know this about her so I talk to her about every 4-5 months.

chiclet · ‎03-19-2010

My husband is like that with me. When other people are talking he is thinking about what he is going to say next and does not listen. We come away from the Doctors office, or any conversation with others and it is like we did not hear the same conversation. He hears bits and pieces and puts it together the way he thinks he heard it. When he interupts me I interupt him and say that I was talking and if he cannot listen to me then I will not listen to him and walk away. It has helped. As for your friend you might start the lunch with some rules. Make the comment when you all sit down that when someone is talking no one is allowed to interupt so everyone gets there time. If she does not follow the rule and interupts I would call her on it. If she continues then don't invite her to the group just meet her occasionally alone.

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

@HisElk1 wrote:
@JeanLouiseFinch , I thought about the post(s) that I wrote on your thread asking for thoughts.

I realize that I didn't give any thoughts/advice, etc. about how to handle this long time friend; however, I wanted to offer an apology for taking your thread 'off track' with my story. The story of your long time friend reminded me of what I experienced.

Please know that I sincerely hope that you can resolve what is going on and are able to maintain the long time friendship. I know that long time friends are not easy to come by as I, myself, have experienced. One of my long time friends is a gal who was in first grade with me and we still stay in touch.

I sincerely wish you the best and just wanted to convey that to you.

There's nothing to apologize for, @HisElk1. Conversations ebb and flow, and sometimes take a different road before getting back on track. No worries, but thank you. 😊

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

@QVCkitty1 wrote:
@Desert Lily wrote:
@Effie54 Such horrible advice from a radio personality.

Would someone actually take a person who suffers from loneliness and ostracize them for talking out of turn?
Not even humane advice.

Everyone ends up alone in time.

Would everyone like to be treated with that advice?

@Desert Lily , Did you consider that you would be doing her a kindness ? Everyone she encounters won't be aware of her circumstances and might simply be annoyed with her. She might have more friends if she learned to share the conversation.

You make an excellent point, @QVCkitty1 This particular friend is desperate for companionship. She's tried some dating sites, met with a few men, but nothing clicks. I personally think her oversharing scares them off and sends them running in the opposite direction. But then she wonders why there's no interest and just sees herself in a bad light rather than doing any self reflection or plan to correct the behavior. Two of us told her she needs to stop with all the details and just keep things light and casual at the first meeting. Nobody needs to know all the things on Day One.