Community Chat

[pattyc]

I never said I didn't want the gifts because I don't like or want them.......that is what you assumed and in your own words "that's not just cold, it's mean". I very much appreciate the thought of the gifts but would be happier if she spent the money on a treat for herself.

[GCR18]

I agree with an earlier post.  Send an early Christmas card and tell her what you said here.  Or if you are able to see her in person, talk with her.  Sooner the better since the time is almost here.

[chrystaltree]

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@Daisy wrote:

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@chrystaltree wrote:

I can't believe some of these responses.  I think I was 5 or 6 when I was taught that a polite person never shows displeasure with a gift.  It's the height or rudeness and cruel.   And to top it off by saying  "you need the money more than I need your ugly gifts...lol"   Omg!   I am speechless...lol

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I didn't read that she was going to say that to her. It reminds me of that "telephone" game that kids played...by the time the last person repeats what was said, it's all twisted. LOL

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       Of course she wasn't going to say it that way.  But regardless of how nicely you decline a gift and use the excuse that you don't need the gift and the giver needs the money or should use the money for herself.....that's the message you are sending.  And it is unmistakeable. 

[VanSleepy]

How come now that she is 19 and in college she needs the money?  Where was the money coming from when she was 14, 15, 16?  I don't mean that in a rude way - just that she knows what she can afford and she must enjoy gifting you.

[Sooner]

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@chrystaltree wrote:

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@Burnsite wrote:

I may not be in the majority, but to me if someone wants to give a gift, they shouldn't be told not to.

By definitiion, a gift is given _freely_. 

You don't have to send one to reciprocate if you don't wish to.  If you don't, she may stop if she is politely continuing an exchange.

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        Well,  said!   I can't believe some of these responses.  I think I was 5 or 6 when I was taught that a polite person never shows displeasure with a gift.  It's the height or rudeness and cruel.   And to top it off by saying  "you need the money more than I need your ugly gifts...lol"   Omg!   I am speechless...lol

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I think the point many including me are making is that this young lady is at a time in her life when she is starting to live her own life, have new friends, and want to buy gifts for them--plus she has a lot of expenses now. 

I remember that point in my life.  I think she will be very happy to not have to keep buying gifts for people who while still special to her are people who love and support her, but just want the relationship now.  I think for all of us the gift giving perameters change, and it is difficult to stop the gifting--so I think this suggestion will be welcome for her. 

[wagirl]

For my side of the family, we bought for everyone for a long time. Then we started with the name drawing, then the fun white elephant, then with the nice white elephant, then a few years ago we decided not to give gifts as most the old adults don't need any "stuff" and the yound adults can buy whatever they want, whenever they want. There are only 2 kids under 10, so we do buy for them when they are with us.  Makes Xmas so much easier. We do cook a pretty nice dinner, however, that is more costly but everyone participates. Works out great. In my own fam, my kids aren't married or have kids so their dad drops cash in their Xmas socks. Money is always welcomed.

[pattyc]

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@Sooner wrote:

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@chrystaltree wrote:

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@Burnsite wrote:

I may not be in the majority, but to me if someone wants to give a gift, they shouldn't be told not to.

By definitiion, a gift is given _freely_. 

You don't have to send one to reciprocate if you don't wish to.  If you don't, she may stop if she is politely continuing an exchange.

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        Well,  said!   I can't believe some of these responses.  I think I was 5 or 6 when I was taught that a polite person never shows displeasure with a gift.  It's the height or rudeness and cruel.   And to top it off by saying  "you need the money more than I need your ugly gifts...lol"   Omg!   I am speechless...lol

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I think the point many including me are making is that this young lady is at a time in her life when she is starting to live her own life, have new friends, and want to buy gifts for them--plus she has a lot of expenses now. 

I remember that point in my life.  I think she will be very happy to not have to keep buying gifts for people who while still special to her are people who love and support her, but just want the relationship now.  I think for all of us the gift giving perameters change, and it is difficult to stop the gifting--so I think this suggestion will be welcome for her. 

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To Sooner and all of you who gave kind and helpful feedback, I thank you and wish you a happy holiday season.  To the others that judged , chose to criticize me and turn my question into your own cruel words, I also wish you a happy holiday season!

[Shorty2U]

I didnt read all of the answers but I would just mention it to her in a nice way.

I think we should stop buying my husbands nieces who are married with kids because we buy their kids too and they have 4 little kids between them and one on the way. Its getting to be too much. And I know its better to give than recieve but the nieces have never bought my husband anything. In fact they never even bother except at Christmas so that gets me upset.

But he wants to keep giving because he feels bad stopping, and my husband is my 2nd husband and he has no kids of his own (I have kids/grandkids). So I dont say too much or tell him what to do, even though he has both his parents, sisters, brother in laws, nieces, nephew in laws and great nieces/nephews.