Holiday Gifts - How to stop?

pattyc · ‎03-24-2010

My friend's grandaugher who is 19 and in college has always bought gifts for us. The gifts were very much appreciated and very thoughtful even when they were items we did not use. Now, that she is in college we would rather she not spend her money on us but on her own expenses. I hope this does not sound cold because it's not intended that way and please no judgement replies. Any suggestions on how to address this? Thanks.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@pattyc wrote:
My friend's grandaugher who is 19 and in college has always bought gifts for us. The gifts were very much appreciated and very thoughtful even when they were items we did not use. Now, that she is in college we would rather she not spend her money on us but on her own expenses. I hope this does not sound cold because it's not intended that way and please no judgement replies. Any suggestions on how to address this? Thanks.

@pattyc

Well, first, have you spoken to your friend? Priorities change and it sounds like you think she is short of cash .... is that true?

I guess you can call this young lady ... or send her a lovely note explaining your thoughts.

I'll be interested to see what others have to say on this.

ChynnaBlue · ‎05-22-2012

What a lovely and thoughtful tradition.

I would tell her exactly that and maybe let her know that you would, in place of a gift, love a holiday card or email telling you about what's happening at school or a picture of her with some of her new friends or at her school.

If she lives near you, maybe you could take her to lunch or have her over for lunch in place of a gift.

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ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

My guess is that the grandaughter enjoys buying gifts for you. Some/many people truly enjoy giving gifts. Maybe a slight hint to her that you realize that she will be on a budget and that sending you postcards of her new town, or photos of her college experiences would be just as delightful, etc. p.s. Sounds as though her parents and grandparents raised her to be very thoughtful.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

vermint · ‎04-05-2010

@pattyc I haven't been in quite the same situation, but there did come a time when we firmly told our parents to stop giving us gifts, and to spend their limited dollars on themselves (or their grandchildren if they insisted on buying gifts). I think they were relieved!

Write a nice note to this very thoughtful young lady expressing your wishes, and your concern that she should be using her money for her own needs. Then let her decide for herself what to do. She may be grateful!

2blonde · ‎03-10-2010

@ChynnaBlue wrote:
What a lovely and thoughtful tradition.

I would tell her exactly that and maybe let her know that you would, in place of a gift, love a holiday card or email telling you about what's happening at school or a picture of her with some of her new friends or at her school.

If she lives near you, maybe you could take her to lunch or have her over for lunch in place of a gift.

@ChynnaBlue Excellent ideas!

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Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

I think contacting her and telling her that she is a wonderful part of your lives, but now that she is in school and you know how busy she will be, and how expensive things are, her BEST gift to you would be to call, e-mail or whatever communication methods you use, and let you know how her life is going.

If you can get together with her sometime, even better. Tell her that her biggest present to you is for you to be part of her life.

I suspect she will be very happy to hear that because she will have new friends who she will want to buy for and she is at a point where life and demands on your time and money are changing.

HOW THOUGHTFUL of you! Also, tell her what gifts you particularly loved and how you cherish them and her!

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@ChynnaBlue wrote:
What a lovely and thoughtful tradition.

I would tell her exactly that and maybe let her know that you would, in place of a gift, love a holiday card or email telling you about what's happening at school or a picture of her with some of her new friends or at her school.

If she lives near you, maybe you could take her to lunch or have her over for lunch in place of a gift.

Perfect, IMO.

Acknowledging the lovely tradition, acknowledging that times and situations change, and letting her know you want the closeness to remain. I can't think it could be done any better than that.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

rickiraccoon · ‎01-05-2013

You gave a perfectly reasonable explanation to us and think she would understand if you stated it to her that way also. And she might even be relieved She sounds like a nice young lady.

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

Sometimes in life we have to let others do something for us just because it makes them feel good. I would not say anything and just accept the gifts graciously. She knows what she can afford and I am sure her gifts will fit her budget. Just say Thank You and you can always treat her to lunch, give her an Amazon gift card or even some cash in a nice Christmas card and just say Thank You.