Re: Handling a neighbor issue

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@chiclets wrote:
@NYC Susan

I'd rather not get into specific details. I don't think it matters for the purpose of my
question, and it would take much too long to explain. Noise & habits that are disruptive to other residents is part of it, but there are also sanitation, safety, and other issues.

But no - not criminal. At least not that we know of! (It's actually doubtful - They just seem to be very entitled people who think they can do whatever they want.)

@NYC Susan

You addressed the problem, entitled people, and this is the real problem and issue for both tenant and landlord.

People are afraid to speak up and landlords today are not comfortable confronting such tenants

If there are sanitation issues then every tenant has the right to complain because the landlord will be accountable for it if the city is notified. If the landlord does not confront the tenant then someone should contact the city and that is one way the entire issue can be dealt with.

As for your friend wondering what to do if the neighbor should ask if she complained, she can say I did talk to you directly and leave it like that. Can you be so sure the landlord will not tell who did the complaint? A group of residents complaining is always better than one.

People are so afraid today. Politically correct has turned this nation septic.
People today should be fearful of doing the right thing because they will be the one to have to justify their actions.

Your friend is in a difficult situation. She has to choose to complain or deal with the neighbor's living habits. Dealing with either has consequence for her. As they say, it only takes one to make a difference.

The management company will have no problem at all confronting the neighbors. They're very good about this kind of thing there. And they will not say who complained.

Again, my friend has already chosen what to do. She will not live like this any longer without speaking up, and there are issues that must be reported. It was not a difficult decision for her at all.

(I'm not sure what being politically correct has to do with this, but we'd best not go there or the thread will be shut down.)

DiAnne · ‎09-22-2010

I would be really upset if someone reported me to management without talking to me first and was acting as if everything was OK. Maybe she should talk to them about the other problems first and then notify management if it continues. I certainly would not lie to them if they asked.

jannabelle1 · ‎09-12-2010

I wouldn't admit that I complained because of potential recrimination from someone in the family. I would hope that the management company wouldn't even bring up complaints, but instead tell them what the violations are. If they do mention complaints, then hopefully they'll say "there have been a number of complaints" or something similar.

I'm in a town home and our group of 8 had a problem with one resident. Several of us complained to the management company, and fortunately they only told the resident of the specific violations and didn't mention the complaints.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@SeaMaiden wrote:
If she has already discussed the problems with them previously, they will KNOW who complained to management.

She discussed one issue with them, months ago. They have remained on good terms ever since. There are other issues now, some more serious. She has never mentioned - or even hinted at - any of them.

They can't know for sure. They very well may suspect that my friend complained to management, but it doesn't matter - There's nothing she can do about that.

And it wasn't my question. What I asked is what you all think she should say if the neighbors ask if she complained to management. My friend asked her friends, and now I'm asking here. Just to get opinions about that. She wants to be prepared with an answer just in case.

happycat · ‎09-18-2010

@sunshine45 wrote:
@happycat wrote:
This day in age, I'm not sure I would admit it.

then perhaps it is even not worth mentioning to the management?
she has already complained directly to the residents......they will pretty much know once management says something to them.

@sunshine45 , I didn't mean it that way, sorry. I'm not sure what she should do. I think the idea to go to management is the best. We had a shooting on my road this past Thursday morning, not half a mile from me. I'm not sure of anything right now.

Just that I want you ladies and gents to be safe. Thats all.

alicedee · ‎07-25-2010

@DiAnne wrote:
I would be really upset if someone reported me to management without talking to me first and was acting as if everything was OK. Maybe she should talk to them about the other problems first and then notify management if it continues. I certainly would not lie to them if they asked.

If I was a personal friend of my apartment neighbors, I agree about talking to them first. But if it's just a casual "hi" or weather discussion because you live by each other...then no, I wouldn't consider it my job to discuss issues those neighbors are causing with them..that's the responsibility of the apartment management.

i would also not tell them if they asked if I complained. I'd fall back on the old Ann Landers response, "Why would you ask me that?"

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@alicedee wrote:
@DiAnne wrote:
I would be really upset if someone reported me to management without talking to me first and was acting as if everything was OK. Maybe she should talk to them about the other problems first and then notify management if it continues. I certainly would not lie to them if they asked.

If I was a personal friend of my apartment neighbors, I agree about talking to them first. But if it's just a casual "hi" or weather discussion because you live by each other...then no, I wouldn't consider it my job to discuss issues those neighbors are causing with them..that's the responsibility of the apartment management.

i would also not tell them if they asked if I complained. I'd fall back on the old Ann Landers response, "Why would you ask me that?"

@alicedee A simliar response would be, I will forgive you for asking if you forgive me for not answering.

DiAnne · ‎09-22-2010

@alicedee wrote:
@DiAnne wrote:
I would be really upset if someone reported me to management without talking to me first and was acting as if everything was OK. Maybe she should talk to them about the other problems first and then notify management if it continues. I certainly would not lie to them if they asked.

If I was a personal friend of my apartment neighbors, I agree about talking to them first. But if it's just a casual "hi" or weather discussion because you live by each other...then no, I wouldn't consider it my job to discuss issues those neighbors are causing with them..that's the responsibility of the apartment management.

i would also not tell them if they asked if I complained. I'd fall back on the old Ann Landers response, "Why would you ask me that?"

Well I have never lived in an apartment or a development with HOA's so I do not have any experience with that but I do believe it is always better to tell the truth.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@DiAnne wrote:
I would be really upset if someone reported me to management without talking to me first and was acting as if everything was OK. Maybe she should talk to them about the other problems first and then notify management if it continues. I certainly would not lie to them if they asked.

We considered that also, but since this family has a very entitled attitude overall and did absolutely nothing to rectify a problem that would have been VERY easy to rectify, it seemed like a better idea to let management take care of it. There's definitely potential for the woman in particular to become hostile. If my friend complains to them again, about new issues, she will be even more on their radar, and for no reason. The more recent issues are not going to be taken care of unless management steps in. That's pretty clear, based on their track record, the nature of the issues, and their sense of entitlement.

I feel the same as you - I would be upset if someone reported me to management without talking to me first. However, if a neighbor did speak to me about a problem, you'd better believe I would take their concerns to heart and do something about it. I would never be as inconsiderate as these people. I wouldn't do the things they do. I follow rules and I try to be aware of how my actions impact others, as I'm sure you do too. But these people aren't like us - They very obviously don't care. They knew a neighbor was bothered by something, and they blatantly did nothing about it. So the consensus among our friends was that it's pointless to discuss issues with them again.

(They're not friends, btw. It's more of a "hi, how how are you?, have a nice day" thing if they happen to see each other, nothing more. If there was any kind of friendship, I would definitely suggest speaking directly to them for every issue every single time.)

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@MarieIG wrote:
My concern would be retaliation.

Can she complain anonymously? A detailed letter to the layers of management, with a copy to the owner (yes the owner) stating that there are heath, safety and standard of living concerns, and if they are not addressed their will be not choice but to report the situation to the City.

And that the complaint is being made anonymously due to fear of retaliation.

And no, I would not admit to making the complaints due to safety concerns.

She doesn't have to do it anonymously, and she doesn't have to contact the owner. The property manager will send a letter, and my friend's name will not be mentioned. That's their standard procedure. Anonymous letters don't carry the same weight as signed letters. And they know and respect my friend, so complaints from her will be taken very seriously. The issues will definitely be addressed - the ones involving health and safety, and the others too.

There's no need to make threats about contacting the city. I would only recommend doing that if things got to the point where it was necessary - certainly not right out of the gate before anyone has had a chance to do anything. She's not at all worried that things will get that far. She's lived there long enough to know what management does and does not tolerate. Once she complains, the ball will be in their court and they'll take care of it.

Her only concern was about what to say if the neighbor asks if she complained.