Handling a neighbor issue - Page 4

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@occasionalrain wrote:
Answer with a question, "I've heard there have been complaints but why would you think they came from me?"
That is not an outright lie.
If she says you complained about...then answer yes, and I told you directly.

Thanks, @occasionalrain. One of our friends said something similar, and I think it's a good point. Some people complain directly, others complain to management. They may see my friend as being in the "directly" category. Especially because they're on good terms and my friend hasn't acted annoyed by them at all.

Or maybe they'll still assume it was her. But honestly, she doesn't care if they think it's her. She just doesn't want to be confronted about it.

I like your idea: "Yes, and I told you directly". Thank you!

lovesrecess · ‎03-14-2010

Without knowing what types of problems she is having with the neighbor, it isn’t possible to say what she should do.

SunValley · ‎04-19-2010

@NYC Susan wrote:
@SunValley wrote:
A sticky situation for sure. Before formally complaining about the family I would want to know more about the process and the conditions under which management would intervene, and if they did, what actions would they take. The juice has to be worth the squeeze. If all it does is end up making the neighbor mad it could lead to more unpleasantness Evictions are quite difficult to enforce in many municipalities, let alone dealing with the willingness of people to change behavior they obviously think is fine. I would want to fully understand what will trigger management intervention, their procedure and consequences for failure to comply, and the success rate, if any, they have had before making a formal complaint.

She does know all of that. And she's not trying to get them evicted. That's not her goal at all. She just wants management to be aware of some issues and she wants them to intervene. Which they will do, starting with a letter. Very often that's all that's needed.

As I've said, she's definitely contacting management. There's no question about that. What she needed help with was deciding what to say if the neighbor asks if she did that.

@NYC Susan thank you for your reply. Sorry if it sounded like I assumed eviction. It was my badly chosen example of how difficult it is to get meaningful action. I do like the suggestion above of saying simply that yes they complained and did so directly to the neighbor.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@NYC Susan

This is a tangential comment about your last paragraph, something I just learned.

I’m reading a book about the building and history of the Dakota, (I know the Dakota is an ownership situation now.)

The book speaks about the various views of living in an apartment in the 1880s, of how they changed with time, and of how people viewed living on the East side v/s the West then v/s now.

Never having lived in New York, this was all new to me. I Have always thought the Dakota must be a special place. So, the differing views were Interesting.

~. With respect to your neighbor, she has already spoken with them directly, and in a friendly manner, apparently that had no effect. If it was a very bothersome issue which I could Not ignore, I

may speak with management.

~ If asked I would reply, “ I don’t know who all might have spoken to management.” Which is the truth.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@lovesrecess wrote:
Without knowing what types of problems she is having with the neighbor, it isn’t possible to say what she should do.

There are various problems, and the exact details don't matter here. She's definitely getting in touch with management because it's the appropriate thing to do.

The question is about what she should say if the neighbors ask if she's the one who contacted management. She wants to keep the peace as much as possible, and she wants to be prepared with a response.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

IMO if the neighbors are not good neighbors she doesn't owe them anything. I wouldn't be communicating with them and would be looking for a new apartment unless they are being evicted for their bad behavior.

chiclets · ‎07-01-2012

@NYC Susan

I'd rather not get into specific details. I don't think it matters for the purpose of my

question, and it would take much too long to explain. Noise & habits that are disruptive to other residents is part of it, but there are also sanitation, safety, and other issues.

But no - not criminal. At least not that we know of! (It's actually doubtful - They just seem to be very entitled people who think they can do whatever they want.)

@NYC Susan

You addressed the problem, entitled people, and this is the real problem and issue for both tenant and landlord.

People are afraid to speak up and landlords today are not comfortable confronting such tenants especially if they are being subsidized by the government.

If there are sanitation issues then every tenant has the right to complain because the landlord will be accountable for it if the city is notified. If the landlord does not confront the tenant then someone should contact the city and that is one way the entire issue can be dealt with.

As for your friend wondering what to do if the neighbor should ask if she complained, she can say I did talk to you directly and leave it like that. Can you be so sure the landlord will not tell who did the complaint? A group of residents complaining is always better than one.

People are so afraid today. Politically correct has turned this nation septic.

People today should be fearful of doing the right thing because they will be the one to have to justify their actions.

Your friend is in a difficult situation. She has to choose to complain or deal with the neighbor's living habits. Dealing with either has consequence for her. As they say, it only takes one to make a difference.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@blackhole99 wrote:
IMO if the neighbors are not good neighbors she doesn't owe them anything. I wouldn't be communicating with them and would be looking for a new apartment unless they are being evicted for their bad behavior.

No, she doesn't owe them anything. But they are neighbors in close proximity, and she wants to keep things civil. Cutting off communication is far too dramatic, and would just make her day-to-day life awkward and uncomfortable. These people are not monsters. They just need to know - from someone in authority - what is and isn't okay.

No one needs to be evicted, and no one needs to move. My friend has been living there for a long time, and would never consider moving as a reasonable option. Not everything needs to be ramped up to an "evict them or I'm moving" level.

MarieIG · ‎03-10-2010

My concern would be retaliation.

Can she complain anonymously? A detailed letter to the layers of management, with a copy to the owner (yes the owner) stating that there are heath, safety and standard of living concerns, and if they are not addressed their will be not choice but to report the situation to the City.

And that the complaint is being made anonymously due to fear of retaliation.

And no, I would not admit to making the complaints due to safety concerns.

Do the math.