Re: Handling a neighbor issue

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Free2be wrote:
Since the offending neighbors are a "family", it is more difficult to keep everyone in line all of the time, depending on how many are in this family. Your friend complained once directly, she cannot do more than that without creating hostilities only management can create. How much hostility she is willing to endure and at what cost. She could try being friendlier with them, working the sugar angle to get her needs met. Or wait it out awhile, hope they calm down?

There was a news article today about a tenant who shot his apartment neighbors because they had been complaining about his behaviors. We really need to be careful who we are creating enemies with these days.

This has nothing to do with keeping everyone in line. I raised a family. I never did what this family does, and I've never known anyone else like them. Being a family doesn't excuse any of this. Other people are impacted by what they do, and that's not okay.

My friend is VERY friendly to them. And they are very friendly to her too. Initially she did work the "sugar angle". In a random conversation, she saw an opportunity to mention an issue, and they talked about it. It was all sweetness and light. And there has been no hostility, no awkwardness since. But unfortunately the neighbors pretty much ignored the issue.

I disagree that she can't complain again. She did the right thing by speaking to them directly. That did no good, and now there are additional issues. It's perfectly appropriate for her to contact management. Of course she doesn't want to endure hostility, but these are issues that must be addressed and she's taking the appropriate steps.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Love my grandkids wrote:
@NYC Susan Just say "No" and leave it at that. Don't elaborate, don't speculate, nothing. The least said, the better.

Most of her friends said the same. Just a simple, "No".

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@cherry wrote:
In circumstances like this, I would answer with a mental reservation. They are not entitled to private information, and she is not obliged to tell them...so if she is someone who is scrupulously honest, tell her that

Also tell her to formulate an answer and have it ready, if confronted

Good advice! Yes, she is very honest. She's very big on honest, open communication, even though she knows it's not always the best idea. I'm kind of the same way, but I have more "street smarts" than she does, and a better instinct about people in general. She's very sweet, very trusting, always sees the good in everyone, assumes they'll do the right thing, etc.

We did tell her to have a rehearsed reply ready! Hopefully she won't need it.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Nbo wrote:
I myself live in an apartment so if your friend has already spoken to this neighbor then I am sure her neighbor will have a good idea who made the complain. I know that when I have made a complaint against a neighbor I have been prepared for that person to ask me. I don't have a problem with that but I guess thats the NYC girl in me.

Just curious: Did a neighbor ever approach you and ask if you had complained? And if so, what did you say?

Nbo · ‎09-10-2019

@NYC Susan Wrote:

Just curious: Did a neighbor ever approach you and ask if you had complained? And if so, what did you say?

No I have never had them approached me. You just have to be prepared in NYC. I have had a little not so nice discussion with a neighbor who decided that it was okay to play loud music at 2 am. I was not ok with it.

SunValley · ‎04-19-2010

A sticky situation for sure. Before formally complaining about the family I would want to know more about the process and the conditions under which management would intervene, and if they did, what actions would they take. The juice has to be worth the squeeze. If all it does is end up making the neighbor mad it could lead to more unpleasantness Evictions are quite difficult to enforce in many municipalities, let alone dealing with the willingness of people to change behavior they obviously think is fine. I would want to fully understand what will trigger management intervention, their procedure and consequences for failure to comply, and the success rate, if any, they have had before making a formal complaint.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Nbo wrote:
@NYC Susan Wrote:
Just curious: Did a neighbor ever approach you and ask if you had complained? And if so, what did you say?

No I have never had them approached me. You just have to be prepared in NYC. I have had a little not so nice discussion with a neighbor who decided that it was okay to play loud music at 2 am. I was not ok with it.

Thanks!

I've actually never had a problem with neighbors in NYC. Lucky, I guess. I have had neighbor issues in the past, but not in the city. And not too many overall.

Yes, loud music at 2 am is definitely not okay. I wouldn't tolerate that either.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@SunValley wrote:
A sticky situation for sure. Before formally complaining about the family I would want to know more about the process and the conditions under which management would intervene, and if they did, what actions would they take. The juice has to be worth the squeeze. If all it does is end up making the neighbor mad it could lead to more unpleasantness Evictions are quite difficult to enforce in many municipalities, let alone dealing with the willingness of people to change behavior they obviously think is fine. I would want to fully understand what will trigger management intervention, their procedure and consequences for failure to comply, and the success rate, if any, they have had before making a formal complaint.

She does know all of that. And she's not trying to get them evicted. That's not her goal at all. She just wants management to be aware of some issues and she wants them to intervene. Which they will do, starting with a letter. Very often that's all that's needed.

As I've said, she's definitely contacting management. There's no question about that. What she needed help with was deciding what to say if the neighbor asks if she did that.

viva923 · ‎03-12-2010

had this happen to me about 2 years ago.

I called animal welfare about a dog that was left outside during very hot humid weather chained up to front porch with no water bowl, there was a tree it could lay under.

the woman came flying out of the house screaming at the top of her lungs asking me why I complained to animal welfare(I thought these calls were to be kept confidentail), i guess in my state, they are not. Anyway, I told her I did mention it to some neighbors the day before about this poor dog being left outside during heat wave and no water bowl, but i did not admit to her i called animal welfare. behind her stood her 3 kids ready to attack me.

talking about scary situtation. won't call any of these agencies again. I would be frightened about someone blabbing at the agency that so n so called and this is what they said about you.

it is a 50/50 proposition, complain to mangement and see what happens or just ride it out.

I have lived in many apartments over the years and have lived in many *ellish apartments and had some super bad neighbors and mangement did nothing to help solve the problems. I have lived in my house for 30 yrs now, have had some bad neighbors and good neighbors over the years (many people move in and out around me).

Good luck on finding a solution.